Not there

Not there because I was there to much before. Its amazing how something I once thought was spontaneous and romantic turned into an easy to predict and worse to expect thing. At a time I used to assume showing up to surprise your GF at work was cute and made her feel loved. After a while though it gets to feeling like your always watching over her. Something I've come to better realize over our break. Something I should have realized long ago. The worst part for me is now I know she's going through hard times and I can't be there for her to hold her hand and let her know she's not alone. I have let her know I am here for her and will love her when I see her. Sometimes its just hard. But better still the Demons are gone. No more at night am I haunted by the insecurities of my past. I have been fervently reassured that I am loved. I know it to be true. So it's easier to fall behind the veil of sleep. This has always been a pretty hard problem for me I mean this goes way back. Being a social outcast and yet apparently not when I ask other people. lol I always thought I was For some reason I have horrible self esteem and have a fear of being alone. Maybe that's why I clung to tightly to cherry. She like many of my friends have said to me that people light up when I go places that whole rooms exclaim their joy at seeing me and I get hugs and great responses. I guess I've looked down on myself so long that I never took the time to look though other peoples eyes and see me the way they do. So that's my fight against the demons that I have. May I vanquish them all with a little help from my friends. :) To you Cherry once again i am here for you and love you. hug!

pepsi

And another Week

So this is the second week of Cherry and I's break I'd have to say this week is defiantly harder having rarely seen her for so long really kinda makes me lonely, add to that I'm kinda sick at the least I have a head cold nothing to bad. Still, I do miss her smile and touch. But so I hear tell she's been able to focus very well on her play and studies so far and better still has not gotten sick. So I'll tuff it out till the end and keep on loving her from a distance. Tonight while having hit a a drawing block and just watching Cheers then coloring pictures I had drawn before hence the one above. Which by the way is one of my favorites now :D. I decided I need a change of venue. I had always been very social with Cherry and I guess the lack of that socialness was waning on my creativity. So I went to Mae's for a few drinks and to hopefully get over my art block and focus on Forced Perspective. Which for the first hr I did after that I did face shots of Jimbo, Megan, Lindsay and Adel. I got to be Jimbo's wing man for the night which succeeded awesomely I might add. Other than that work is good just the usual and I've been reading a lot more lately. Can't wait to re start American Gods by Neil Gaiman. Or maybe the amazing copy of Lord of the Rings Cherry got me for Christmas either way excited to be reading again. Well to Cherry I love and miss you and can't wait to see you. To the rest of you till next time... Keep Creating.

Pepsi

10 month

Still on a bit of a break but much better in terms of a relationship. Cherry and I had our 10 month where I cooked for her and even though I promised I wouldn't make her anything weird. Well I still did. I made curry, rice and sea food. It was good and scary cause some of the things had eyes and looked at me. Seriously I can't eat food that's looking at me. I also got her orange roses. We had a magnificent night even watched the Goonies lol.

pepsi

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

So in the recent future Cherry and I are taking a break from each other. Mainly, she has too much on her plate and I dominated most of her spare time. Basically, leaving no time for her to have for herself. Now during this time where she is working, has class, and has play practice. You can see why her free time would be so precious. So we agreed to step back from each other. I personally have too much free time so I have never really had to sacrifice my ME time which was something at the time was hard for me to understand. After a long talk she helped me understand how little space she really had and time for herself which for anyone is important. SO for now we are both stepping back and looking at our relationship with fresh eyes it will be interesting to see how our partnership will develop from here. I hope for the best I really do love Cherry and have loved the times we have had. I hope this deepens our understanding of each other and how better to interact without being too overbearing.

In other news I have started doing Wii Fit again and plan on losing weight I have become lackadaisical again and have grown very self conscious about my weight a man of my height should be at 230 lbs for a healthy living plan i am at 300. This to me is well unacceptable so I have recently cut out a lot of fatty foods. At work I have recently due to supervisor status been allowed free meals while working. This will get me back into a normal diet plan basically eating regularly and they have the option of salads and a light menu which I will take advantage of. I have after a conversation with my friend Adam found out something about liquer and it's adverse affects on weightless. Apparently the liver has a lot to do with fat breaking down and if it's working on breaking down alcohol its not working on the fat not to mention your body absorbs liquid calories faster where beer and mixed drinks are especially harmful, So I'm going to cut back on drink as well as smoking. Time to treat my body like a temple. Here are some references for the drinking facts. Click the LINK and this LINK.

Also Leslie is back, my dear friend Leslie she came over the other night and told me of her extensive adventures. And just listening to her tale unfold and how she went after her dreams so fervently I fully intend to do the same. I have known for sometime that I have started to plateau in my art and I need to push myself especially in the area of forced perspective. Leslie also told me of times that I have similarly shared where such simple moments can make times of great challenge come back to perspective. The complex beauty of the world around us can so often bring us back to a simple understanding that we can doe it and to just breath deep and stop worrying so much.. To truly trust ourselves that we have everything we need at our disposal to make our lives wonderful.

So in general this is a full time of rejuvenation... For Cherry and I, my art, for my lungs and for my over weight body. I plan on doing my best to make it all work out right. I've got my fingers crossed.

In the smallest amount of time

So Me and my GF Cherry took time out of her busy schedule to watch a movie called Cash back. It's really this interesting tale of an art student who lost love and found love but it deals alot with these moments that so many things can happen in. As brief as a second but unless you live your life just right with no regrets you may find yourself in a disturbing moments indeed. Today I cooked for my love and we cuddled up and watched a movie. This is a moment I will Cherish. It wasn't overly intimate, nor extreme in nature just simple and lovely. To spend time holding the girl I love. To spend time loving her was altogether wonderful. You just enter a state of peace and the world ceases to exist around you. If this is love and I think it is then I am thoroughly pleased. We are coming up on a year Cherry and I and she looks just as beautiful if not more so with my more educated knowledge on her likes, dislikes, annoyances and favorite things about me. I feel our relationship is truly blossoming. Here is to you my dear my you have long days and pleasant nights.

pepsi

New Years and New Trust

What a New year it's been and it started will a bang. Had two big commissions. One being the picture above here the other below being one for a friend of mine Gabe's friends. As far as New years go I had to work that day and so did Cherry. So I caught up with her at like 10 till 10 and convinced her to come to the Ball drop in Aggie ville because I had a connection that got us backstage passes for the Eve 6 show. Oddly enough in the middle of the ville they had sectioned off aka barricaded this large part right in front of the stage so only people with VIP tickets could get in there plus admittance to Varneys where they were serving beer and liqueur and tiny delicious food. Plus most importantly on that oh so cold night a warm place to stand and an available bathroom. Eve6 being a great band. Played right up till the ball drop which in Manhattan is spoced to be a little apple but really it looks like a strawberry. Then after kissing the girl I love as the clock hit midnight. We walked back to her house and were joined by a crowd of people. So her place risking a collapse went to another persons house for after hrs. where I wrestled with a German Thai- jitsu master with dread locks. I know crazy huh. So that was basically New Years.

This month I have had to give up two very important things. One was the time I spend with Cherry she's in a new play called Intimate Apparel . This unfortunately means I rearely get to see her because when she's not at play practice she either working on homeowrk for the play or at work or trying to catch up on sleep.. Guess I'll have to deal till Feb. The other is a dear friend Marco has left us for another state and possible his home country of Taiwan. We celebrated both at my place and at pool hall where i became far gone on many drinks. Had a safe way home though so no worries folks. I'm still alive. I hate to see friends go though always sad especially the good ones. Although me and his best friend Patrick have been hanging out more. Today we went and got Korean food in Junk town, came back and he kicked my ass at bowling although I was doing pretty good towards the end then we created a new and startling drinking game with a kids toy call poke the pirate lol.

Had a really powerful weekend with Cherry when we collided on two front over two problems we had been icing over and both of us looked at our relationship anew. Mine stems with trust issues with her and past relationships making me often times overly paranoid. Hard thing to get over sometimes let me tell you. but after talking about it for a few hrs I have decided she needs to be trusted and I can't hold that from her because of a few bad apple experiences from my past. She deserves my full trust and as a friend of mine Jeremy said if you can't trust your partner 100 percent then its not worth sticking with it. So I made up my mind she was worth staying with and there for I have to give her full trust. Issues and all. I've been over analysing things far to long time to put my faith in someone for sure. She something wonderful and I don't ever want to lose her. This almost year has been amazing and I have been so happy. I know she has loved it as well sure we have ups and downs but that's relationships for you it working through those things to know a person better that truly bonds you. I want to know her as best I can. I can't wait to see her play... Everyday I find new reasons to love her. today's. reason the smile and laugh at my oddities while bowling or her determination to beat me at air hockey.

PS... Me and Cherry are going to try and quite smoking. Wish us luck.