Doe a Deer

So last night as I was doing my normal nothing here at home. Watching house and drawing when I got an IM from my friend Gaby to come carve pumpkins. I was pretty excited I love doing the carving thing :D So I took off to go carve up some pumpkins and luckily on my way down my street that is in the middle of town I was paying attention because out of no where two deer jumped right in front of my car. I slammed on the breaks the first one dodged to the left and I felt it bump my car slightly and the other one did one of those crazy back jumps that deer do also avoiding my car. Got my adrenaline going for sure. Made my way over to Gaby's place where unfortunately, all the pumpkins had been cut up. She said she was surprised so many people had made it over lol. So I had a few drinks and just hung out and watched em play some Wii sports. I also found out that the oldest person there was 23. 23 O.o !!!!!!

Made me think man this town is not made for people my age. You meet a particularly awesome girl and she's 6 yrs younger than you. In this instance there were a few there that were still teenagers. I started dating cherry when she was 21, and Mackenzie albeit We're not dating even though I'd like to give that a try lol She's still 21 too. Maybe, I should be looking for a place where the singles scene isn't fresh outa high school. I have made a rule though I will not date anyone under 21. It's not that I don't think they can be mature enough lord knows I'm just as crazy and immature as any high school kid sometimes.

Its just that girls as well as guys need to come into their own and know who they are and with out that period of acceptance of self; then you get from them exactly what they think you want them to be and not who they are. Even now I still find it difficult not trying to be what i think a person wants me to be to woe them. You want a person to see all your best qualities even if your not like that at all. I'm sure there are guys out there who act like complete dicks because they know girls are looking for guys who aren't trying to be what they want and end up with a dick lol. Weirder still is nice guys who see girls hooking up with one prick after another make the assumption that you have to be a prick to get the girls you like. sigh. Crazy missed up world my friends.

So here I am to my knowledge and the references of my peers I am a nice person with good qualities, not a bad boy, not a dick. I'm just me I'm not always exciting, I like to be boring sometimes and others I'll be completely spontaneous and run around like a crazy person. I'm the far left and the far right. I'm overall moral and yet too often lecherous and immoral. I live on a whim of what can make me smile and what will help me truly treasure a moment. A brilliant color in the fall that causes you to stop and look at the trees, An intoxicating aroma as a girl passes and the wind whips the memory of your brief encounter back to you. Mainly, just looking for someone to hold and love. All I need no great over compensating list built around the assumption of the perfect girl. Let me have a flawed and interesting girl over a pieced together robot made from my own quirky needs. Just my thoughts today.

Ready to embark again

I was having a lengthy talk with an old friend of mine and they said something that stuck with me. I am ready to fall in love again, ready to chance getting my heart broken again. Her name is Aimee Smith and I have a great deal of respect for this person. I thought about what she had said and thought to myself. I too am ready to take on the challenge of love again and the possibility of heartbreak. Really, that's the ultimate disablement to our think it out or jump methodology. To keep your heart in check or slide it out to be torn apart by the reavers of that realm. It seems that all my close friends are on the fence about my new crush with the assumption that I will be left broken and hurt again. Really, I have no idea the course my life will take and I am so tired of being kept up with what if's. I really just want to fall head over heels for someone that loves me the same. To fall with each other through fields of clover and lay laughing as we attempts to give clouds meaning.

I guess this has come to a greater fruition thanks to the news of an Ex moving on. Hell, all of them moving on to happiness and me left hoping for my romance unachievable. Maybe, the ideal girl that I have established in my minds eye is just a dream. An assumptions never to be realized. Man I want to be back in Japan. Soaking up an altogether new culture and living in the moment ever second. I want a new insomniac friend someone to stay up late and bullshit with. Someone to go on grand adventures with. I never want to plateau. I see it in my roommates sometimes a mediocraty that consumes. With out reason to achieve they stay and ferment. I live to experience each new moment and to garner what little I can from quick thoughts not meant to be dwelt on. For now I guess i'll just wait and hope that things will turn out alright and I'll find the one that I'm meant to be with the one that loves me with my quirky attributes that are delightful and my annoying grievances that would ward off ill suitors. Such is the hope I have. A future to look forward to.

Why we are the way we are.

So Mackenzie and I went to the Ren fest and wow was it cold. Did my best to keep her warm but yeah somethings are out of my hands lol. After seeing one of my favorite Pirate bands The Jolly Rogers. And many thanks to Mackenzie for turning me on to a band called The Decemberists how I have never heard of them blows my mind. On our way back after rushing as fast as our frozen feet could carry us to the car. We made it to Topeka in time to find our venue and then get some Red Lobster. Then off to one of the most entertaining Musicals I have ever seen and I highly recommend anyone checking this out. EVIL DEAD the Musicall. :) so much fun. Oddly enough the best friend in it was a Door Guy I knew from O Mallys. But yes ever so epic. Mackenzie and I's next adventure will be around Nov. 14th traveling back to my home town. Might be a major bonfire with some crazy explosions if my brother and I can make it happen lol.

For now this weekend I will have my art up in a private art show here in town and right after that rush off to Blood feast as one of the wild things. Should be a fun filled weekend with lots of crazy pictures. With any Luck Mackenzie will be feeling better. The week after this I'll have the pleasure of seeing the play she's in called The last Days of Judas Iscariot.

Finally I'll wax intellectual with you the few that read this lol.

Last night I had art night at my house and had Kevin, Zac, and Keagan over so yeah there were actually people working on art. But we were watching this crazy show with many different animations in it. One of them sparked a conversation about story telling and the effects it has on the youth. So I thought back and said really as children or even youthful teens we take what we want from stories and mold ourselves as such. Take a story with a powerful villain, add an unlikely hero and a damsel and what not. Basically any Disney movie. Sure the picture is painted that the villain is the bad one but what if you relate more to the villain in the story and or desire the power that they have. Even if they are defeated in the end you can still opt for that kind of power and hope to make choices that allow you to keep your ill gotten spoils. Sure we are all spoced to side with the hero but as I did many times in my youth related to the villain and the struggle they had to go through to maintain control of their dominion.

I found this particularly interesting when I had the chance to watch Mongol. Its a Russian made movie that obviously had a director in love with akira kurosawa. The movie was about Genghis Khan it showed how he rose to power and what he went through and as history tells it he was a conqueror who sparred few and ruled fiercely. Some might say a villain but the steps that lead him there are easily understandable and filled with good intentions. So it makes me wonder when we tell tales to impressionable minds what virtues are we actually imprinting on them. Traits of a hero we so long for them to become or are we showing them glimpses of the power that can so easily be obtained with the loss of scruples and the willingness to set aside your values for good intentions that ultimately fall into a deeper chaos.

Meh just some thoughts any way gotta work on some art peace.