Yes all women

It's a little disheartening to think that any man can claim to know just what it's like to be a woman. To tell them to suck it up. To be more accepting of advances as they are really just compliments no matter how grotesque the pick up line might be. To assume that we have any measure by which to judge their experiences. We are very different sexes. In theory equality would be a fantastic ideal to achieve. In reality men will always be given a pass. Rarely are we judged on our sexual actions, rarely do we fear walking home in the dark, rarely do we have to suffer cat calls and beratements based on our attire. Men as a whole sex have no idea what a girl goes through on a daily basis. No matter what small inconvenience we may have suffered once. It is not something we have to live with everyday. We can’t wrap our heads around it, because it is not our reality. So we stay silent because we don’t know what to say. Some men will sympathize, but no man can empathize. It would seem the only time men have something to say is when it comes to defending their honor. Because we are all honorable aren’t we. When women make broad sweeping statements about all men being some way. We react in hostility saying #NotallMen. Even if you are blameless in your life for helping firmly establish misogyny. You are still reaping the benefits of that birthright you acquired between your legs. We as a sex have taken everything from women. Their right to choose their own medical plans, their right to walk without fear,the right to an opinion that goes against the commonly held beliefs, their last names, their trust and worst of all their faith in an equal society. Not only have men taken these things, they react in the most redundant way. Blaming either a period or assuming she’s just crazy. Because all women are crazy… Right!

If I had to walk in the shoes of a woman for a day I’d be insane too. A full attire for a man down to his underwear could cost less than 70 bucks 150 if you are dressing nice. For a girl double if not triple that. If I couldn’t leave the house without fear of being analyzed by every person I pass girl or guy based on how I looked I would be a little freaked out to leave my house. Just to meet standards given by an industry run by men. If I had to suffer strangers pushing through my personal bubble just to talk to me because they KNOW I must be so interesting only to win a number and high five some friends. A number I probably gave you so you would get the fuck away from me and I could go back to talking to my friends reminding myself to block or not answer any unknown numbers or people I saved in my phone as creepy guy 15. YES! 15 I have seen it in my friend’s phones. Not all Men are the problem, but you can be damn sure men are what keeps the inequality alive and well. I have had friends who were raped, sexually abused, and sexually taken advantage of even in relationships. Not a few. More than that. This entitlement that men feel they have to always get what they want is despicable. I have walked in those shoes before. I have wondered how could this woman not like me? I'm such a nice guy and other excuses for plain bad chemistry or even good chemistry. Where I am in total disbelief that she can’t see our friendship as more. Even if all she really wanted was a guy who saw her as a friend and not a sexual object. Seeing her with guys I assumed were douche bags. Why are they douche bags? She’s not with me and I want her. That’s why. Why would I think these things? Why wouldn’t I wait and see if who I am matters more, than what I want. It took me years to realize that I don't deserve any woman. They are not things to have or acquire like some sort of new toy. They are human beings pure and simple. They should be treated with the same respect given anyone.

I work part time as a bouncer and I can tell you the greatest difference between men and woman at the bar is how they enter. What are they looking for. While some girls desires may be sexual they are generally looking to be social, dance, experience life a bit with friends. Maybe even find a little romance. For men they come in as a predator right off the bat. Looking to satisfy an insatiable lust that needs something to devour. Even if they don’t come to the bars for that reason, the pressure to not leave alone compiles and by the end of the night you are making a drunken fool of yourself just to get a girls attention. Just remember to blame the alcohol. Nightly I hear as I check ID’s, “So are there any hot girls here tonight.” With everyone’s standards of beauty so very different how am I to know what you are looking for. Even if they don’t ask me up front I will still see them walk in, look around, and then leave saying there aren’t any girls here. Not people they know, but strangers to prey. They come to get something and no matter how many times they strike out, they will fight on to find what they want. Men are the Mormons of the sexes. Knock on a enough doors and someone is bound to say yes.

Most of the girls that I see go home with random Joes do so out of sheer unwillingness to fight to stay or leave alone. It has become easier to accept a reality of misogyny than to fight back against it for fear of the tide of remarks that follow. Deny a man at the bar, you’re a bitch or a lesbian. Sometimes said to your face in an anger undeserved of a casual refusal. Other times said with in earshot so they can hear and know the mistake they made by not accepting this gentleman. I used air quotes when I said gentlemen. The problem will always be put at the feet of the woman. I actually had one girl tell me she gives guys a blow job just so they leave her house. Why does this work, how can we claim to be men if we don’t act like human beings. It’s not like girls don’t have a choice. Girls could get laid any night if they wanted to. Fact! Men are so driven to acquire that it’s far too easy to get a yes. Girls say no because they have been shamed into believing that if they allow their sexuality to show they will be called sluts by both sexes. Even the terminology is screwed up. Men who fuck around are players. All these arguments have been made time and time again. If I tell you a girl is a slut you would look at her differently, even if you don’t know her. If I told you a guy is a player even as a warning. There’s a cultural norm to almost praise him for his conquests.

Look through the comments of any girls photos on facebook and witness them broken down into pieces of flesh. Cuts of meat with dollar signs attached to distinguish value. How can you fight against such a horrible reality, but to give in and assume this is the norm. That peer pressure and undaunted repetition will ultimately yield results. Knowing if it doesn’t, you will branded as a prude. It sickens me to see the anonymous nature of the internet breed more masaugeny. With demeaning language thrown about to contort a woman into believing she is less than human, because she doesn’t meet an impossible standard. To sit in judgement of a woman for having not put on makeup for a trip to the grocery store. When Men are required to do nothing in prep for any event. No you can’t say shave considering a girl has to shave half their body weekly. Heaven forbid a woman leaves the house without her mask. That’s really what it becomes though. A mask that all womankind must wear. Not because it is a choice they have been given, no it is requirement of society. Wear your makeup, and 4 layers of clothing on a hot summer day. to ward off the eyes of the unknown. So you don’t make it on some internet trolling site that snaps photo’s of girls to compare. Without permission or consent. I have played the gentleman role, protector role, and guardian to girls just trying to make it home safe. I have been there to hold my friend hands in fear. Hugged those taken advantage of.Through all this I will never know… truly know what it is like to be a girl. To be an object, not a person. Sadly, they will never know true peace. For a life lived in fear of the nonintellectual response by a group of unenlightened people is the assumed normal our society has to offer. I do not hate men, I hate what we have established and perpetuate.

It started with a kiss.

I'm back bitches. For a while there I was posting somewhere else because my audience was getting to close.  Still back to this one, I'll leave that other side for my rants. I have done some amazing things since last we talked interwebs. I have 3 book deals in the works, As of a few days ago I am an extra in a movie. Which is a first for me. Most importantly, I stopped chasing the girl that was driving me crazy. She was in so many words... kinda insane. So there I was alone again for New Years. It would seem Holidays and I rarely get along. No one was even in Manhattan for New years. Luckily, My friend Bri came out so i actually had someone to hang out with. It was snowing and cold as balls. Midnight struck and Bri kisses her boyfriend and I am left staring up at the lasers hitting snow and illuminating all of it making it look like glitter falling everywhere. i turned and said who is giving me a New Years kiss. Three guys took off assuming I meant them. Said goodbye to Bri. She doesn't do well in the cold. 

Walked to a bar where a gay friend of mine was figured if nothing else I could get a New Years kiss from him. I did lol. Walked outside for a smoke and a girl that used to work at the Plasma center was walking towards me. I yelled PLASMA GIRL. She said Hi and I asked her what brought her to this corner of the ville. She said she was coming to see the same friend I was hanging out with. What a crazy random happenstance I mentioned. That's who I'm here with. Then I asked if she had gotten her New Years kiss yet? She said she had never gotten a New Years kiss. So I just leaned in a kissed her. We all went from bar to bar after that and parted ways for the night. Later the next day I messaged her on facebook letting her know I didn't mean to steal a kiss and if she wanted too I would love to take her out for a legit date. Promising that my facebook photos were kinda lying in how crazy they made me seem. Well they are kinda true. Still she said yes. Keep in mind I entered into this under a safe assumption she would say no. So you can imagine my surprise when she said yes. To clarify I said date. I had found not calling things dates in the past rarely worked out in my favor. So we scheduled it for Monday as she has an intensely hectic schedule. She felt ill on Monday so we rescheduled for Wednesday. Even though I had to wake up at 5 the next morning. I was going to power through. It had been a while since I had been on a legit date. So we met up for coffee around 7:30. Talked till they closed down and moved it to a local bar. Then on to Mae's and almost closed them down. 

I walked her to her car and said our goodbyes. I didn't know how the form went for kissing; as we had already done that so I just reset the date meter and gave her a lingering hug. Which was matched in return. She told me we had to go see Les Miserable the following week. So yeah she scheduled the next date. A girl that's actually into me and I don't have to chase like it's the end of the world. I guess it just shows what happens when you stop looking and just let life happen. Did I mention she has a smile that lights up a room. Really hoping this one pans out as she is so far fantastic. 

What do you call a man with two red legs?

Fucking Stupid! That's what. Legs soooo sunburned... So After a week of interesting highs and lows. Met a different girl whom seems pretty cool as well. Actually, has my same sleep schedule. I'll leave that there for now because honestly, I have no idea if anything will ever come from that fantastic night. I learned that if you put chocolate chips in mountain dew they have a lava lamp thing happen. Also that if you go Kayaking for 5 hours sun screen isn't a good idea, its a pre-essential. I am going to have the weirdest tan line ever. We're talking farmers tan time 10. Really awkward. If I do manage to get laid in the near future you can bet your fanny there will be questions about why the insides of my legs are bright red. Also hot showers are evil. This week my Bike article and my Funny Girl article both are a go in the paper. I'm pretty stoked. I'll be judging comedy again and with any luck that girl will be back.

In other news related more to the art side of my life I have actually gotten quite a few commissions. Like the one you see above here. I'm also in the process of finishing the coloring for a piece I drew for Mary Doodles. The Fact that I met David Mack still is blowing my mind. Seriously, 1 degree of separation from Neil Gaiman Now. I couldn't be any more excited. He has a similar strategy to approaching art as I do which I will be writing about for TNTML soon. Oh speaking of that site my interview with Anna about the porchlight sessions went live last week. It was a really well done interview and I was excited to have gotten it to print before her project ended. There was a little mix up when Jen went to a wine house in the middle of no where for 3 days. That kinda complicated my timing but all is well in the end.   Anyway, Look forward to more art... a series of poems dedicated to family members, and more writing. I'm on a roll. Woot!

Life is...

Ok! So I haven't had the chance to update this thing in something like forever. Best I can say is a lot of stuff has happened sense last time. Found myself interested in a new girl. She's cool more on that later if anything pans out there. I fasted for 10 days No food, drink or smoking. In other news I've quit smoking. So far that was the easiest time I've ever had in quitting so hopefully it sticks. I enjoy not smelling like smoke, being able to smell, and not spending 20 bucks a week on cigarettes. Speaking of cuts in savings. I went and got myself a bike. While it was a very expensive bike I have no doubt that it will pay for it's self via me not having to pay 4 bucks a gallon on Gas. Also writing a series of articles on starting a bike life.

LA was a blast I helped in the making of a Music video got to see damn near all my friends, made some new friends and contacts. Life just keeps getting better. As I tell all my friends I seem to be lucky in all things but love. So if 95 percent of you life is doing awesome I can wait for that heart warming girl to make her entrance. For now I'm going to keep concentrating on getting myself in better and better shape, and all round healthier lifestyle. Next time I will probably utilize the bus system more. Not only did I spend 1/8th of the time I was there walking around. It was actually really nice weather for walking. But man were my dogs killing me. Still on LA that's where that piece of art up there came from. We had a cosplay model stand in and I got to hang out with David Mack and Satine Phoenix. Life was complete. Well till next time. I'll see you all in the real world.

Not allowed to hit on my friends

Ok so this caught me off guard a little last night. I was out first to go see my friends band which was awesome by the way. Check out FAKE NATIVES!I'd like to say the show was awesome but we couldn't get in it was in so many words sold out. Hell I'll see them at the The Dead Bird House later anyway. Many angry stares to the group of 20 some people upstairs, not drinking, not enjoying the show. Y'all can get sick and die. So Cherry (my best friend and X) Went to DrinkX a shady bar that has some kinda weird pole in it for um... classy dancing. I got a triple shot of 151 because i was freezing and needed to warm up fast. Went back to Mae's finally got in and I bought a CD from Dan the lead singer. Hung out there till close then ventured off to the COK party which I must say has been over crowded with far to many people I don't know lately.

Oh well. While Cherry proceeded to bat beer pong ball out of the air I talked with my friend Kaleen and Maddy. Two girls I kinda fancy. I don't know a lot about Maddy but she's got an amazing sense of style and is as cute as a button. Kaleen I know quite a lot about and we sync up in our weird tastes in culture and music. Still who knows there. So i haven't really been on the prowl for love lately, or even looking. I'm kind of hoping it will just fall in my lap. Still it doesn't stop me from taking notice of a girls beauty. So after we left i shot Kaleen a text saying Maddy looked pretty cute tonight. The next day she tells me I'm not allowed to hit on her friends.

Ok that bugs me... Mostly because what the fuck does that even mean. Why would I not be allowed to hit on her friends. To me it's vague and without prompt. keep in mind I hadn't hit on Maddy. I simply told Kaleen she was cute. So does this mean Kaleen has a thing for me and would rather i not pursue another girl, especially one of her friends. Does it mean she sees me as a horrible boyfriend and would rather her friends not get involved. Maybe something completely different. I really don't know. I do know I really hate being told what to do by people. You want the right to tell me what to do in my life be a bigger part of my life and I'll afford you that right. Do I think anything will come of my flirtations with Maddy. I doubt it I'm a little old for her but age rarely matters with girls. i say rarely because the last girl I went after actually apparently was very jaded by that number. I guess with friends like that who needs enemies. lol. Still I generally adhere to a very strict code as far as the work place is concerned. Don't date Co-workers. Why because if it all goes to Hell you are forced to work with them before one of you gets sick or you both let it go. Either way usually ends up messy. Alright that little rants over.

In great news it's V- day. Cherry and I's 5 year Anniversary. 5 years ago we met at an Anti- V-day party and we fell in love, then we fell outa love, then we reconnected and formed a very strong lasting friendship. I just recently attended her wedding which was awesome. I really love the man she choose to marry he's an awesome guy and I'm sad I don't get to spend more time getting to know him. Still on a somber note this is just another in the line of X's I have had who immediately get married to the next serious relationship they have. Leaving me to wonder if I am actually cursed. If so Ladies if you wanna find Mr. Right just date me for a while and you'll be married to the next fella you fall in love with. I can damn near promise this based on years of research. I digress I am very happy for the both of them and I'm Happier still that I'm still part of her life. She means a lot to me. Well that's certainly enough from me till next time folks.

Moon Halo!

Ok my astral sign of good luck is a moon halo. Anyone know what that is? When the moons light hits the clouds and creates this massive halo around the moon right. Well tonight I saw a massive one with a line from a plane going through it. Mars was even inside it to show it's support. Needless to say altogether it was the most beautiful moon halo I have ever seen. I thus assume that because I believe these to be a sign of good luck for me that something amazing is about to happen to me. I don't know what but seeing that at the start of a New Year in the sky just blows me away. I can't wait 2012 is going to be life changing i just know it. Maybe I'll find true love, Maybe I'll be propelled forward with my art or writing. I can't say for sure but I know whatever it is it will be amazing. God I love my life. Currently, i have an animation i worked on processing and soon to be released, working on some hush hush thing for TNTML, writing as always, Lots of art here and there, and still looking for that one girl to bring this crazy life of mine full circle. I want more so much more life is giving and I'm taking. I appreciate it all so much.

In closing

Well it's been another year gone by... looking back I can safely say it's been both a good and a bad year. I have chased and lost. I have worked and achieved. As far as advancing my life I have done that to perfection. I have pushed myself both in my regular job and in my art. I have made new connections that will hopefully garner new and exciting developments. I have made new friends and lost some to the pendulum of time. I have both failed to stop smoking and lost the weight I so desparetly wanted to drop.

Artistically, I am working for Misti Dawn (side note my art starts all of her homebrewed porns :))for the site The Naughty Nerd. Soon you'll be able to buy my prints in their shop there. I have continued to write for TNTML, picked up a new writing gig for The Hype, worked on my poetry, and even attempted stand up comedy which I have been told is actually pretty good. Still won't know till i get in front of a real audience.

Another one of my brothers got married this year. Beautiful service. Illustrated just how badly I am doing at finding my own love in this world. Doing my best to find it I just think I'm a little much for any girl. Facebook is probably a killer for any blossoming relationship as I tend to have way to many crazy photo's there and my gallery of gorgious girls hanging off me most likely makes people assume I'm some kind of poon hound. This could not be further from the truth. In the last year I had sex with 1 girl. The year before that... 1 girl. In fact I am averaging 1 girl a year and that's gotta be some kind of sad record. It's not that my intention with any new relationship is to get laid but it seems to be how guys base how well you do in any way. I just can't invest myself sexually with someone unless i connect on a mental level and while i have found girls that i do connect with finding ones that aren't damaged and distant that still match that qualification are few and far between. Maybe i have way to high of standards, maybe I just think things through to much and when it comes to passion can't act in the moment. I'm sure I've had far more chances to hook up than i want to admit to. Just can't seem to do the casual sex thing.

Love will be something to work on in the new year. So here we go... New Years resolutions. Lose another 50 lbs. This one will be a lot harder after the initial major weight loss but I'm going to be joining a weight loss competition. That should help ;). Get back into a habit of going to the gym every night. Knock out way more art and push myself to be even better. Lastly, Stop smoking. Yeah this was one last year and I achieved it twice and then failed twice. So I think i can nail this one this year. Just gotta remember not to snack so much when i do it. Also I'll need to remember to take breaks to just go outside and stand and think. That's the most addicting thing about smoking I've found the quite moments of contemplation I get for myself. So there you go folks here's to the New Year i do hope this one was good for you all.