It's a funny thing really. Just a few months ago I was ripping myself apart to find out why the girl I liked didn't like me. Literally, tearing at my soul. So its somewhat shocking that so shortly after that I have found myself involved with someone new. She's very intelligent so conversation wise we always have things to talk about. Still she's a different kind of nerd than me. Certainly a lot of opposites to work with here. I don't know if we'll pan out. Honestly, I don't know if this is all just another rebound thing for each of us. Seeing as we both just got out of relationships but for now it's good to be wanted. It's good to be desired. I fear I have closed myself off emotionally however after the soul wrench I did in the previous relationship. I Have locked my heart away for now and I'm giving it time to heal. It needs that. So for now I won't be opening it up. For fear that getting it involved in anything new when the wounds from the last are still so fresh will only aggravate the wound.
If she's at the same place it's probably for the best. We have talked about it in passing how neither of us know if this is going somewhere. Personally, I think we should just enjoy each others company and if things start to get weird, dramatic, or awkward part ways and keep the friendship. We share a lot of things in common as well. Still I think some of our core beliefs will conflict in big ways as the desire phase passes into the true knowledge phase. Guess we'll see. Still for now its a grand new adventure and I think it shall play a role in crafting who we are. At least whom I am and will be. Every new direction, every new decision leads us right to where we will end up. Can't wait to see the end of my story because getting there has been marvelous.
In more awesome news my brother Stephen is finally married. I say finally like it's been something coming for years and in a way it has. Still that makes two younger brothers of mine married before me. That kind of eats at you. I know it's not a race but damn it all how is it that I suck so bad at finding a real love. Oh well. I'll carry on in my crazy life. You see that's why i can't find it. The girl I'm looking for will no doubt have to deal with her own fair share of crazy. Seriously, I'm tempered in pure out there antics. Maybe I like the reaction, maybe I like to push people just far enough to test their resolve. Maybe I'm just me and I decided a long time ago that I want the person who falls for me to fall for me and not a mask I wear trying to be something they want me to be. Still I don't mind making minor concessions. Anyway, peace! I gotta sleep. 9 - 5 tomorrow. Gotta pour myself a cup of ambition and hope and pray it's not 100 degrees there again.
