Back into the Belly of the Beast

So i am going back to Wichita, not my choice. I am actually having to do this because I won a competition to create some awesome food. I'm getting 500 bucks, I'll be in their ad campain, on every menu and in some commercial I think. All together pretty rad... So I'm taking this chance to see Laura again and get back my books and hard drive. Seeing her again I have no doubt will be hard. I don't know how hard yet because I'm in a really good place right now. I don't want to fall back to where I was a few months ago. I don't want to regress. Do I think I will? Not really I kind of closed off my heart hard core. So while that hasn't been beneficial for starting new relationships it will at least save my soul from the past one. What will we talk about? What will I say? Will I be spiteful or kind? My bet is on being kind and caring. It seems to be my greatest downfall. Most of my core group says I should stray from her altogether. That I had given so much of myself to her with so little in return. One of those things where you are standing to close to the picture to see the whole thing. I put so much of myself into that whole situation working out and when it didn't I fell apart. Lord knows I can't even quantify how badly I fell apart and for what reason. It was only 4 months of maybes and what ifs. The one thing I can truly stand by is that I tried. I gave it my best shot and I was true to myself and my emotions. I chased and failed but had I not chased at all I would have never known. Some of my friends said she was horribly selfish to drag me along like that. I believed it to but I could have saved myself and given up. I could have bowed out early and not fought so hard. Still this is a new me. I'm taking chances because I finally have my confidence. If it leads me to heart ache so be it. If it leads me to the girl of my dreams even better. I'm not wasting any more of my life second guessing and i will pursue my dreams and hearts desires with a flame. She will not slow me down nor will she lead me back to that darkness. My life is picking up and I am going full speed. Between getting way healthier and finding my voice and creativity I can not fathom hitting any set backs. Nor will i let myself. So I may be wary, I may be nervous. I am still unsure but for my part I have moved on. The embers that burn for Laura have faded back to embers and those coals can only be poked back to life by her seeking me. Still my friends of the net wish me luck. It will be an interesting test on my part.