I danced with her and fire dancers

When you have a weekend like this one it's hard to find fault in your relationship or lack there of relationship. We hit up the Renn Fest in KC and even though she got there late thanks to detours and road construction. It was amazing to get to be dressed in full pirate garb with Laura. Sarah had made me a pretty legit Pirate Outfit and I ended up even getting a real eye patch not just one of those funny looking ones that are plastic. Laura and I caught at least 3 Jolly Rogers shows. (side note Sully and I booked them for Auntie Mae's on the 10th.) We laughed and screamed along in proper pirate fashion during the shows. Jeered Robin hood as little John kicked his ass and danced along side flame weavers. It was an amazing day from there we came back to Manhattan and immediately into Aggifest. Caught a few bands but we were pretty bushed came back to my place and just cuddled up and fell asleep. We slept in till almost 11 the next day and went out for Breakfast/Lunch. Chilled out some more and then I sent her on her way. So I have a few more answers from Laura. It seems like a mine field Just trying to tip toe through her mental process to find out where I fit in her life. What things are keeping us from being together at this point and what I can do to change that. Seems her X Husband is leering back into the picture and damn it all if that isn't hard to counter act. I sent her a well written note on my thoughts. With any luck it won't be perceived as overwhelming. Still I don't even know anymore. When we are together nothing's wrong we are happy and just having fun. Even lately when we are apart the communication is good. I haven't found fault in our relationship yet still it's not where i want it to be. I actually want to take those steps to make us and US to get us rolling on the right track. She told me I represent a healthy meaningful relationship and to that I say why not act on it. She seems to think she's really damaged goods but even if she is. I don't mind I'm not here to fix her but I'll be there to help her find the answers. Time to see from here things get interesting.

Time to be herself

So we had the talk. I didn't dread this talk I in fact knew exactly where she was. I just wanted to clarify to her where i was in the whole situation as well. See I'm a really honest person. So much so in fact that these last few weeks of not telling her how i feel and just being quite and giving her more space. Well it seemed like lying. I know it wasn't lying but it just seemed like I wasn't being fully honest. So I told myself that if i didn't get to see her this week I'd ask her about us. She told me that right now she's really just doing the being herself thing. Just enjoying life as a single girl no relationship string or anything hanging in the back of her mind. Just learning to love herself. I explained that's exactly where i thought she was and with the absence of 10 suitors. I didn't feel like I had to pressure her for a "yes" or a "no." I haven't got any vested interests in any new girls right now. I mean there will always be passing fancies but in general I am not chasing anyone so waiting for her isn't awful. So we are there now a level playing field starting from something and yet not starting yet at all. I know there are guys there that want her and I know there is a guy here that desires her too. This guys willing to wait so as not to screw up timing again. She is presently calling me more, texting me, and in line to come see me before I even made it back to see her. Which all falls under the rules my girls gave for this situation lol. They wanted to keep my heart in tact.

So do I really and I intend to make sure I don't fall into that darkness again. I am very guarded and she knows it. We are close her and I and I mean to keep it that way. If a relationship blossoms from these seeds of trust and loyalty then so be it. If not we are only getting stronger. I do want to be loved. I know she does love me. I also know she desires me. She's admitted both of these things. It's just a matter of taking the right steps forward and letting her know I can be someone who won't screw up or fall back. I can be stable and secure. So what's on the horizon for us. Well we have next weekend where there will be lots of bands, dinner, and the ren fair, a few weekends after that a harry potter themed party and all along these times we are going to be learning Italian together. I'm actually really excited about that. Maybe Satine and I will have some sweet skype conversations in Italian.

Other than that bringing my heart up behind walls. Lets see if she buys a mental hammer to come after it ;)

(todays art was a girl I saw in the airport in SF)