Bump in the road

So lets call this a bump in the road. Honestly, It may be a dead end when it's all said an done but for now there is still that glimmer of hope in my heart. The chasing of the girl I love wasn't going so well. I mean we were good just she kept pulling back and this confounded me. Last Wednesday I found out why. Me and the other guy she was "casually" dating weren't both after her. I was after her and she was after him. You can never catch someone who is chasing someone else. So I sent her a message saying such. Basically that there was nothing more I could do and I don't know what she wants me to do. She responded via email and let me know that it's a screwed up situation and that she knew all she had to do was turn around and I'd be there waiting for her to just fit. That i deserved to be her first choice and she feels like she's banging her head against a wall knowing I'm here for her. She wished she could just turn her heart towards me but it's scared of the type of relationship i want to pursue. I can't fault her for her logic. I get it i really do. So I told her I would give her an all stop. No calling, no texting, no emails. Just let her have the time to see if this other guy is what she wants and let her pursue him without me throwing it all off balance. Still I can't wait... I mean I could. I just know she doesn't want me to even though she does. She's everything I want from a girl and we go together so well it's ridiculous. Still this whole thing was so awful for my mind. Being in love with someone and never knowing if it's reciprocated. Worse still knowing they see us as an "US" and can't act on it. So backing all the way back for a bit. I'll let her miss me, let her miss my romance maybe let her see just what I can be. Maybe I'll pursue another girl, maybe I'll move on with my life knowing the whole time she's only 2 hours away from me. in a world full of people knowing a girl you could be soul mates with is so near gets to you. Sense last Wednesday I have many lows. I kept hoping she would buckle and call or message me or anything. We still responded on facebook wall posts but i'm not counting that. I just wanted to know I meant more to her than a few facebook responses. I told her straight up if she wanted me again it would be on her to instigate it. I can't put my heart through this again if hers isn't ready to be with me. On Thursday she sent me a music video via Facebook message.

It's a bit of a warning about who she sees herself as. Possibly, what I would be getting myself into. So a week of basically silence she sends me that. Once again confused as to what to do or even how to take it. She talked about the next time I was up how she's sing me another of this girls songs for karaoke. Who knows I'm probably reading way to much into these things. I'm going to maintain my distance. I'll stay out of reach unless she wants to reach me. The guy she's after may not even want her and really it does suck. I mean maybe it's what she needs to confirm she can catch the guy that's out of grasp. Still in doing so she has put me out of grasp. Something that could have been easy has been turned wonderfully difficult. The ball is in her court now and I'll see where things go. Really, as far as romantic interests I don't have any grand things in line. Just one girl from Arkansas who has a boyfriend and lets be honest is too young for me anyway. She's still amazing but I doubt anything will come from that. Still it's not even something i thought would be an issue as I was fully committed to Laura. Time will tell and I know time or fate will put me back together with Laura later it always does. Just don't want it to be in the fall of our lives because we were too stubborn to act in the presence. I truly hope Pride won't be our greatest undoing. Well that's all for now I hope everything turns out ok. It hurts not to be able to talk to someone you love.