Not there

Not there because I was there to much before. Its amazing how something I once thought was spontaneous and romantic turned into an easy to predict and worse to expect thing. At a time I used to assume showing up to surprise your GF at work was cute and made her feel loved. After a while though it gets to feeling like your always watching over her. Something I've come to better realize over our break. Something I should have realized long ago. The worst part for me is now I know she's going through hard times and I can't be there for her to hold her hand and let her know she's not alone. I have let her know I am here for her and will love her when I see her. Sometimes its just hard. But better still the Demons are gone. No more at night am I haunted by the insecurities of my past. I have been fervently reassured that I am loved. I know it to be true. So it's easier to fall behind the veil of sleep. This has always been a pretty hard problem for me I mean this goes way back. Being a social outcast and yet apparently not when I ask other people. lol I always thought I was For some reason I have horrible self esteem and have a fear of being alone. Maybe that's why I clung to tightly to cherry. She like many of my friends have said to me that people light up when I go places that whole rooms exclaim their joy at seeing me and I get hugs and great responses. I guess I've looked down on myself so long that I never took the time to look though other peoples eyes and see me the way they do. So that's my fight against the demons that I have. May I vanquish them all with a little help from my friends. :) To you Cherry once again i am here for you and love you. hug!

pepsi