Saint Pepsi's daily art

Moon Halo!

2012-01-03T19:43:00.004-06:00

Ok my astral sign of good luck is a moon halo. Anyone know what that is? When the moons light hits the clouds and creates this massive halo around the moon right. Well tonight I saw a massive one with a line from a plane going through it. Mars was even inside it to show it's support. Needless to say altogether it was the most beautiful moon halo I have ever seen. I thus assume that because I believe these to be a sign of good luck for me that something amazing is about to happen to me. I don't know what but seeing that at the start of a New Year in the sky just blows me away. I can't wait 2012 is going to be life changing i just know it. Maybe I'll find true love, Maybe I'll be propelled forward with my art or writing. I can't say for sure but I know whatever it is it will be amazing. God I love my life. Currently, i have an animation i worked on processing and soon to be released, working on some hush hush thing for TNTML, writing as always, Lots of art here and there, and still looking for that one girl to bring this crazy life of mine full circle. I want more so much more life is giving and I'm taking. I appreciate it all so much.

In closing

2011-12-26T01:10:00.005-06:00

Well it's been another year gone by... looking back I can safely say it's been both a good and a bad year. I have chased and lost. I have worked and achieved. As far as advancing my life I have done that to perfection. I have pushed myself both in my regular job and in my art. I have made new connections that will hopefully garner new and exciting developments. I have made new friends and lost some to the pendulum of time. I have both failed to stop smoking and lost the weight I so desparetly wanted to drop.

Artistically, I am working for Misti Dawn (side note my art starts all of her homebrewed porns :))for the site The Naughty Nerd. Soon you'll be able to buy my prints in their shop there. I have continued to write for TNTML, picked up a new writing gig for The Hype, worked on my poetry, and even attempted stand up comedy which I have been told is actually pretty good. Still won't know till i get in front of a real audience.

Another one of my brothers got married this year. Beautiful service. Illustrated just how badly I am doing at finding my own love in this world. Doing my best to find it I just think I'm a little much for any girl. Facebook is probably a killer for any blossoming relationship as I tend to have way to many crazy photo's there and my gallery of gorgious girls hanging off me most likely makes people assume I'm some kind of poon hound. This could not be further from the truth. In the last year I had sex with 1 girl. The year before that... 1 girl. In fact I am averaging 1 girl a year and that's gotta be some kind of sad record. It's not that my intention with any new relationship is to get laid but it seems to be how guys base how well you do in any way. I just can't invest myself sexually with someone unless i connect on a mental level and while i have found girls that i do connect with finding ones that aren't damaged and distant that still match that qualification are few and far between. Maybe i have way to high of standards, maybe I just think things through to much and when it comes to passion can't act in the moment. I'm sure I've had far more chances to hook up than i want to admit to. Just can't seem to do the casual sex thing.

Love will be something to work on in the new year. So here we go... New Years resolutions. Lose another 50 lbs. This one will be a lot harder after the initial major weight loss but I'm going to be joining a weight loss competition. That should help ;). Get back into a habit of going to the gym every night. Knock out way more art and push myself to be even better. Lastly, Stop smoking. Yeah this was one last year and I achieved it twice and then failed twice. So I think i can nail this one this year. Just gotta remember not to snack so much when i do it. Also I'll need to remember to take breaks to just go outside and stand and think. That's the most addicting thing about smoking I've found the quite moments of contemplation I get for myself. So there you go folks here's to the New Year i do hope this one was good for you all.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

2011-12-12T02:00:00.004-06:00

So things in my life are fantastic in all but love. Had easily one of the most epic Birthday parties ever. Where we all dressed up like Demons and Angels. I was half and half. I looked scary as all hell. Couldn't move around a whole lot for the first few hours of the party. Not till after I took off my 50lb wings. Side note that same outfit got used at a strip club later for an event they were having, Which I was the only guy who dressed up. Le sigh. Topeka just doesn't take themes as serious as Manhattan does I guess.

Swing forward a bit I got to spend quite a bit of time with my family this Thanksgiving which rocked. I tell you what my family is core in my life. I love them and they are amazing. My brothers and I played Munchkin and some other games. All together amazing Thanksgiving I wish i got to see all of them more. We are very lucky two of my brothers wives live in the same area as my parents.

Swing forward to This last weekend starting with my dear friend Kate. After coming off a late night drinking fest with my friend Mr Kim. I took off for Club Orleans again to celebrate my friend Kate's B-day party. She works there so we had a ball that night. Mostly at the club I kept her BF entertained and drew like I always do at strip clubs. It was Christmas themed that night so many of the girls were dressed up as santa's hot ass helpers. Afterwards we all went out for IHOP. Damn near got kicked out. What can you expect from exotic dancers and people like me lol. Got back home at 5 in the morning where I maybe got 2 hours of sleep before heading into work which turned out to be quite hellish. Graduation day in Manhattan, KS. Running on two hours of sleep and just off a 9 hr shift already 20 hours into over time I stay awake and move into pirate gear because the Jolly Rogers, KC Renn Fest talent are playing my bar for Sully's birthday. Easily, one of the best shows I've ever seen there. Can't decide which I like better, them or White Ghost Shivers. Dear readers look these two up and love their music. In any case I got supper drunk and so did Sully. I apparently, got her husband because i got worried about her and they got her home safely. So tonight I took it easy even though all the drinks were only a dollar. Still so much good food at Mae's. This girl Tori OMG makes the best food ever.

So that's that life is epic. Love however not so much I feel like I never pick girls that will be an easy task. I will say this for all the girls I go after and turn me down. Telling me I'm the most amazing guy and that I'll make some girl just not them a perfect match is absolutely fucking crazy. Don't tell a guy he's awesome but you don't want him. Because if he is awesome you would want him. It's not a nice thing to say when you break up or deny someone. Just say sorry we don't mesh or you and I aren't going to work. Compliments are awful it's a double edged sword. Much like telling someone something like, "you look great to bad you smell awful." See that and what I talked about above. Same damn thing. So knock it off. Maybe this new girl will work maybe not. I'm not holding my breath any more and I'm sure as shit not chasing anyone like I did Laura. That's for damn sure. My heart all the way in part is dead. You want all of my heart you are going to need to give me a reason to shock it back into life. Oh well it's late I got a big week coming up so I'll see you cats later.

Woah! Been a while...

2011-11-14T23:06:00.005-06:00

So if any of you actually read this you may recall I had been after that girl in the picture in the post below. That's over, done, finished. I am in no way pursuing her anymore nor is there any reserved hope to be with her. I am done and I finally got a solid, "NO" from her. Not in a bad way, screamy way, or a twist out my heart way. It was just a simple nope and I'm fine with that. I was free and I loved it. My friends were cautious, fearing my happiness was derived out of madness. I was content 10 years I had wondered what if? 10 years I had held on to this string in the back of my mind and I have finally let that string go. The weight it dropped was more than even I was aware. So am I sad it didn't go the way I wanted? Sure , but I've got my answer now so that doesn't even matter.

Obviously, having finally laid that beast of burden to rest I was back out to find a girl that actually wanted to be with me. Wasn't all wishy washy and the like. Seems I have a type and that type is un-available. Of course the next girl I go after would be completely disconnected from anything but a desire to be wanted and unable to find her own happiness. That can act as a black hole as anytime a person needs to feel acceptance above all else you can never give enough. Nor will they believe any sweet or encouraging words you have to offer. In the end I simply said I couldn't chase her and until she found her own happiness she would never be content with anyone she was with. It may have been harsh but ultimately I doubt she listened. We rarely listen to any advice given and don't find the merit in it until we come to that conclusion ourselves down the line. Only then can we look back at the advice given and realize we should have listened ages ago.

So prospects are ok got a really cute, super nerdy in an amazing way girl that I dig on, I think she likes me a bit to but who knows. All I know is she knows I like her so no friend zone. That is unless she would rather not take things anywhere. I hope so though we click so far. Good dialogue and pretty open about any topic. It's rare to find that type of honesty about all parts of life. Two non- liers. Truth all the way.

In art news I've started working with Satine's Brother or at least working on something for him. See if I can't create something he can use. Also still working with Misti hence the picture up top. I can't wait to see where I go art wise so far it's pretty exciting :).

She's a minefield

2011-09-28T21:04:00.004-05:00

So as I said it was the Renn Fair and I was pretty excited to spend that time with Laura. In fact the whole of the weekend went super well. Till right before she left she sort of dropped a bomb on me. After telling me she was damaged. A bomb that haunted me. So to hopefully alleviate the coming news whatever it may be I did something that I hadn't done sense the last time I chased her. I wrote her an email. See when I write emails they tend to be long and forthcoming. This one I held back on anything I thought might have been overwhelming as that's what got me into trouble the last time. In fact it was my overwhelming nature that spooked her although I don't think I had a real chance the last time anyway. My romantic ways didn't help in the matter. So I sent her this email basically saying I don't care what damages you have I'm ready to be there for you in any capacity you need. It has been my first outpouring of yes I want us to move forward sense our renewed acquaintance. Still I feel like I'm walking through a mine field with this girl. Every time I try and do anything that builds communication and understanding it's met with a new wall. A new block or new opposition. I can't seem to dodge or forgo these obstacles. Personally, it's almost backwards to me in a world that favors the bold she seems to favor the busted, broken, and cautious. Neither of which I am anymore. So yeah I have a job, I am becoming quite successful both in writing and art. I have aspiring roles in 3 different websites all art related and I am actually making a name for myself. I pay my own bills, I have good credit. Hell I'm a stand up individual. I've had my heartbroken, but it's not slowing me down. I'm pushing on in all ways I can. So after sending this email I had hoped for some sort of a response not even a response to the letter just a hey I got it and I'm not freaked out. So I got nervous after a day, worried after 2 days. Which prompted a second text but I stayed within my guidelines of never texting more than once a day. Still when she called she sounded annoyed. As if my worrying were something burdensome to her. That quickly passed sense she knows my mind plays war games with me. Which I have finally found the answer to. Simply put I need to accept failure. I need to assume I have lost already. If I don't it will be a happy surprise if she comes for me and if I do fail then I'll surely be ready. That's the position I'll adopt now. My mind has little defense against such a tactic so I think I'll be able to rest easy. I acknowledge I shouldn't have worried like I did. It does neither of us any good. She asked if I thought she would hate me and I simply said "No." I was only worried it may have been taken badly. I'm tired of playing these games with myself and her. I'm ready and if she's not so be it. She said something else that was oddly cryptic. She said, "I can't be responsible for your happiness." Which is something I never asked her to be responsible for so I was a little shocked by that line of reasoning. Still it is what it is. I shall be defeated. I'll throw in my towel and let life take me where it wants. I have resigned myself to be me and love the things I am doing in the here and now. I'll push hope to the wayside because hope results in nervousness and worrying. No need to hope if I have failed. I gave her my plea and if it's not something she can abide by I'll move on. So that's where I am now world. See you in the marrow.

I danced with her and fire dancers

2011-09-25T21:17:00.002-05:00

When you have a weekend like this one it's hard to find fault in your relationship or lack there of relationship. We hit up the Renn Fest in KC and even though she got there late thanks to detours and road construction. It was amazing to get to be dressed in full pirate garb with Laura. Sarah had made me a pretty legit Pirate Outfit and I ended up even getting a real eye patch not just one of those funny looking ones that are plastic. Laura and I caught at least 3 Jolly Rogers shows. (side note Sully and I booked them for Auntie Mae's on the 10th.) We laughed and screamed along in proper pirate fashion during the shows. Jeered Robin hood as little John kicked his ass and danced along side flame weavers. It was an amazing day from there we came back to Manhattan and immediately into Aggifest. Caught a few bands but we were pretty bushed came back to my place and just cuddled up and fell asleep. We slept in till almost 11 the next day and went out for Breakfast/Lunch. Chilled out some more and then I sent her on her way. So I have a few more answers from Laura. It seems like a mine field Just trying to tip toe through her mental process to find out where I fit in her life. What things are keeping us from being together at this point and what I can do to change that. Seems her X Husband is leering back into the picture and damn it all if that isn't hard to counter act. I sent her a well written note on my thoughts. With any luck it won't be perceived as overwhelming. Still I don't even know anymore. When we are together nothing's wrong we are happy and just having fun. Even lately when we are apart the communication is good. I haven't found fault in our relationship yet still it's not where i want it to be. I actually want to take those steps to make us and US to get us rolling on the right track. She told me I represent a healthy meaningful relationship and to that I say why not act on it. She seems to think she's really damaged goods but even if she is. I don't mind I'm not here to fix her but I'll be there to help her find the answers. Time to see from here things get interesting.

I'm Tired

2011-09-18T23:01:00.003-05:00

I'm tired. Tired of working these 45 hr weeks. Tired of constantly creating in some form. I love it it's not a bad thing but it's draining. Most of all chasing the ghost of a relationship I've been after. It's been almost a year and in that year we have had so many almosts and come so close it can be very defeating. It seems like anything I do or don't do falls to the way side. I can't seem to shake what ever road blocks have been set between Laura and I. I realize distance is an issue. She does live 2 hours away but in that she is given her space. She knows she has all the space in the world and so it's not that that hinders me. I can be there for her if she needs me or when she needs me. 2 hours isn't a hard drive. Most of my friend in LA have a 2 hour drive to see their significant others and they live in the same town. That's ridiculous. Plus I know she has maintained long distance relationships in the past and I wouldn't be one to make her do all the work. I used to be very romantic and giving. Still that seemed to lead me to trouble as she thought it was overwhelming. So I have cut that to bare bones as of late. It's still there but I won't be forcing it on her. I am still me and that's what she wanted the extra stuff seemed to just be too much. So no more of that. Calling her too often landed in that category as well. She's not a big phone, IM or text talker. Mostly, it just bugs her. Previously, she said it feels like a serious relationship when you talk everyday and she just wasn't looking for serious. I know I was. So this second time around I have restricted my calling, texting and messages. She has told me she really likes this whole being single and getting to know herself thing. Still I hate being held at bay because what I want isn't ready for me yet. To say she wants us is I think a safe assumption. When we are together everything is there. We are happy and sparks do seem to fly. I realize she finds it hard to even trust herself to be with me because of what I represent. Hope. I represent forever and that's something she wants but she's not ready for yet. So what do I do? Do I stay back and keep my fingers crossed hoping someday soon she'll see us as an US or do I just move on and be content to be her friend? Well that's what I had aimed for previously. When I went down there my full intention was to just be that friend. Still she gave me decent reason to believe she wanted more. Still she drew away. A fear maybe that what if we could work out. A fear that if we didn't would we be lost from each other again. I still believe a lot of these fears have been alleviated by our reunion. If we were going to be broken apart we wouldn't be talking and texting and seeing each other. I suppose that says something. Still we will see. I am so tired of this chase and after Octobers Harry Potter Party if I don't know if we are moving forward I believe I'll be moving on. It's the only sane choice I can make and she'll have to let me go or chase after me. It's really on her now. I've walled up my heart when it comes to this girl and for good reason. Guess time will tell but time's something that seems to be making me weaker.

-Art - Firefly of course

Time to be herself

2011-09-15T13:36:00.006-05:00

So we had the talk. I didn't dread this talk I in fact knew exactly where she was. I just wanted to clarify to her where i was in the whole situation as well. See I'm a really honest person. So much so in fact that these last few weeks of not telling her how i feel and just being quite and giving her more space. Well it seemed like lying. I know it wasn't lying but it just seemed like I wasn't being fully honest. So I told myself that if i didn't get to see her this week I'd ask her about us. She told me that right now she's really just doing the being herself thing. Just enjoying life as a single girl no relationship string or anything hanging in the back of her mind. Just learning to love herself. I explained that's exactly where i thought she was and with the absence of 10 suitors. I didn't feel like I had to pressure her for a "yes" or a "no." I haven't got any vested interests in any new girls right now. I mean there will always be passing fancies but in general I am not chasing anyone so waiting for her isn't awful. So we are there now a level playing field starting from something and yet not starting yet at all. I know there are guys there that want her and I know there is a guy here that desires her too. This guys willing to wait so as not to screw up timing again. She is presently calling me more, texting me, and in line to come see me before I even made it back to see her. Which all falls under the rules my girls gave for this situation lol. They wanted to keep my heart in tact.

So do I really and I intend to make sure I don't fall into that darkness again. I am very guarded and she knows it. We are close her and I and I mean to keep it that way. If a relationship blossoms from these seeds of trust and loyalty then so be it. If not we are only getting stronger. I do want to be loved. I know she does love me. I also know she desires me. She's admitted both of these things. It's just a matter of taking the right steps forward and letting her know I can be someone who won't screw up or fall back. I can be stable and secure. So what's on the horizon for us. Well we have next weekend where there will be lots of bands, dinner, and the ren fair, a few weekends after that a harry potter themed party and all along these times we are going to be learning Italian together. I'm actually really excited about that. Maybe Satine and I will have some sweet skype conversations in Italian.

Other than that bringing my heart up behind walls. Lets see if she buys a mental hammer to come after it ;)

(todays art was a girl I saw in the airport in SF)

No ready for me yet?

2011-09-11T12:48:00.002-05:00

Is it right to complain about nothing going wrong? Well it may not be but but nothing is moving forward either. I feel like I'm stuck in limbo and I may drop hints here and there that aren't returned in turn but are artfully passed over. Sidestepped in someway. I personally think she's ok with just being single for a bit, but while she's doing that I'm still stuck on the line. Because I am not missing a second chance by seeking out a new love and then when she is ready I'll be taken and we will start this waiting dance all over again. So tonight I'll find out if I can go see her on Friday. I'll see if she'll accept my advance to advance slowly. We talk more often on the phone and text and I know something is there. I know something is growing its just putting that to the test. i don't see myself up against 7 suitors so I'm ok with waiting a bit. I'm ok for taking the time to find her heart and climb the walls she's put up. I'm in for the long road but I'd like to know that road leads to her heart. That I'm not walking forward for nothing. She says she can't promise me anything yet but then says things like I don't know if I'm ready for you yet. Yet implies she wants to be ready for me in the future. To see us together then. I really think she's tired of all the chases and douchbags that aren't going to give her anything more than a sexual fix. Lord knows I'm ready for something real in my life something tangible. Something i can hang on to, someone to kiss and feel them kiss me back. To hold and know that we are together. I guess we will see this week. It's fair to ask because after the last time I don't think I deserve to be left on the line. I am playing by her rules and that's the only way to win her heart.

No Promises

2011-09-02T23:42:00.003-05:00

So you would think I would have learned. You would have thought after the last fall I would have given up. I have not. I just can't seem to pull myself away from the possibility of a future with Laura. A name that has become synonymous with slaps. Seriously, for a good 2 months I got slapped every time I brought her up around my friends. Oh and slapped hard. Still I pressed on. I went back to her and spent 3 wonderful days with her helping her pack up her house and get ready for a pretty big move. The first night we took things to her new place. Went out for some food at the bar we never went to because her now X BF worked at and I evaluated just where I stood with her. I really didn't know and as the night pressed on I felt more and more like I had landed back in the friend zone. Which I had prepped myself for. Honestly, I'm still prepped for that out come. Still leaving the bar She grasped my hand. That night we fell into each others arms and she told me she couldn't promise me anything. I wasn't going to ask her to. I just wanted another chance to walk with her. To be the first guy to not let her down. The next day I took her out for lunch and we ended up back at that bar. This time my friend Katy one of the girls that always slapped me got to spend some time with her. She's still worried for my heart. I'm still worried for my heart. Another night another close close night. We kissed, we held each other. We just were. I had to take off early from helping her move. We said our goodbyes and she restated she couldn't promise me anything. I don't know where to go from here. I guess I'll just be. I'll just be me for her. I have nothing left to overwhelm her with. I am just me and if that's something she can want then so be it. If it's not then I'll have my answer and I'll move on. I'll set out to find romance in someone else. Someone that will love me for me and all my crazy. I know we get each other, I know she loves me... I just have to see if that love can blossom into something new.

End of that chapter

2011-08-15T00:38:00.004-05:00

To say the last 3 months were Hell would be a lie. They weren't that bad I dealt with some heart ache but over all the last few months have been really great. Man i got to go to LA and hang with some super cool peoples. I've still been kicking it all healthfully and really life just isn't letting me get down. Love on the other hand that's a horse of a different color. I did get to see Laura again and much to my fearful assumption of a horrible distance forming. It was amazing. Seriously the hug that happened the moment we meet melted all fears away. It was as if nothing had happened and we were still just as close. I just leaned in and told her how much I had missed her. She replied in kind. After that the night was a foot. We took off to a bar called the Anchor for some eats. Each of us desiring some decent food. This place had it for sure I got a sandwich called, "Hell hath no fury..." I tell you what readers i felt that one later. So spicy even got some Jalopeno juice in my eye. As we sat there catching up on the 3 months we had been absent each others lives it was nothing but smiles and laughter. I shit you not I mean I nearly had a heart attack just for fear of this reunion. Only moments later we were back. From there we walked on to Mort's. Her local Haunt for Mondays they have live music and half priced Martini's. I remember discussing something Kate and I had talked about how we are all influenced more by certain elements and for me it was water. She asked what i thought hers was. I said, "Well you are stubborn and unyielding. I'll go with rock." She looked to me and said, "If you are water and I'm rock I suppose that means you'll wear me down." Adding to it her heart melting smile. I had no response just smiled back at her. We took off to go to another bar that was less crowded. There we got a few Guinness beers and sat down for what turned out to be question and answer period for the night. Now Laura is a girl that has a lot of walls up. So many in fact I found out she really didn't want to start a serious relationship with someone until she was able to take some of those walls down. Hence the Shawn thing. In fact I noticed every time she talked about Shawn her whole demeanor dropped. Personally, and i could be wrong it just seemed like it wasn't a happy thing to talk about. With him there are no expectations or even assumptions. I won't go into it a whole lot just because that's her story to tell. For my part I understood where she was coming from logically. I just didn't understand why she wouldn't let me walk with her and help her break down some walls. I did make the mistake of running ahead of her before she was ready to be as serious as I wanted to be. That was a failing on my part. One I wish I could have rectified. A lesson learned if nothing else. If we find ourselves together in the future I will be walking with her and we will take the steps we need to together and my head won't be in the clouds. The night drew on and I basically got all the answers that had been lost to me when I was to close to see the whole picture. She took me back to my hotel and when I asked how far away from my hotel her house was. She proposed letting me stay there with her. I mean it just wouldn't be a trip to Wichita if I wasn't falling asleep in her arms. So back to her house we went. She made brownies and then it was time to turn in. She said she no longer had a guest bed and I had to sleep with her. So long as I was good. I laughed and said, "When am I not good?" We settled in and I laid down preparing to be good. Much to my surprise she rolled into me and did a super cuddle move. The one where you head is in the nape of the others neck. your arms are wrapped around and your legs are intertwined. Not a friends way of cuddling. I didn't pull away I merely held her close. The night went on like that and we woke way to early from a long night up. We managed about 20 min more of cuddling then I was back to my hotel. I leaned in not knowing if I would see her that night and told her I never intended to say goodbye. The last time I said goodbye I truly meant it.

After all the stuff for the commercial was done it was about the same time she got off of work so I headed over to her place and hung out with a mutual friend of ours Ryan. We chilled at the house for a bit and went out for food. Ryan shot off to Soggy bottoms, that's their haunt on Tuesdays and Thursdays. That is also where Shawn works. Knowing this made me slightly at ease having spent the night before in his GF's arms. That bar was closed much to their surpise so we went to another called Quiencys. She got a call mid dinner from Shawn about the bar being closed and no one telling him. He wasn't happy about that and I assume less happy to find out Laura was hanging out with me. She said she would meet up with him in about 30 after we finished our food. Over the course of the meal she got several more texts and then I was taking her home. I asked if I needed to rush so she could meet up with him. She said, "No! he had already gone home." That's weird I couldn't fathom not waiting 30 min to see your girl. So we opted to go do some Karaoke. She sang and I sang. She sang Adele the artist i told her had torn me to pieces after our break. I was ok with it. More so than I had assumed I'd be. Went back to her place after and cuddled up. Watched some TV and I gave her a body massage to work on some places she hadn't had worked on sense I had been there last. Talked more in depth about the issues between us and i broke down some of my own walls for her. I also remarked how i had hoped I hadn't made Shawn Jealous because a jealous BF tends to try harder. Once again with a look of defeat she said he wouldn't try at all he would just leave. I kept wondering why she was fighting so hard something that seemed like it was failing but I held my tongue. It was not my place anymore to ask such questions. i was no longer a friend and no longer a lover. i was something new something different. lord knows what I am now. I told her how I had hope in us again just not for right now. I understood that she needed this time to find herself again. As the massage drew to a close. I kissed her head and told her that tonight ends the chapter of what had been between us. Tomorrow a new chapter starts. One where we are what ever new thing it is we are becoming. If it becomes lovers or stays friends. Either way what's been done in the past is past. I truly wished i could have just fallen asleep with her there that night but I had to work at 8 in the morning so around 1 I took off from her house. She watched me drive away until our eyes could no longer see each other.

She had told me of her dreams and aspirations on this trip and I look to make those come true for her. She invited me to her families Christmas gathering. I honestly don't know what kind of invitation that was a friendly one of one laced with a relationship she hopes will bloom. All I know is that from here on out. It's her turn to chase me. She can come to me, she can call me, I will be catchable. I will not fall back into a chase for her unless she is ready. I asked her if she was ready to not let pride or fear stop her from coming for me. So that's where I am at now my friends. My closest peer groups are super worried for me. They think I'll fall back into that hook. I don't think I will though. My heart is different now. It's changed. The love I have for her is still there but its a love based on condition. I'm also very aware of proper timing now. I won't screw it up if I'm given a second chance. I hope she will see the same. There is something there and it's more than obvious to both of us. It's just about finding the right time to act now.

Ann Spade Loves ME!!!

2011-08-14T00:28:00.001-05:00

Back into the Belly of the Beast

2011-08-08T00:24:00.002-05:00

So i am going back to Wichita, not my choice. I am actually having to do this because I won a competition to create some awesome food. I'm getting 500 bucks, I'll be in their ad campain, on every menu and in some commercial I think. All together pretty rad... So I'm taking this chance to see Laura again and get back my books and hard drive. Seeing her again I have no doubt will be hard. I don't know how hard yet because I'm in a really good place right now. I don't want to fall back to where I was a few months ago. I don't want to regress. Do I think I will? Not really I kind of closed off my heart hard core. So while that hasn't been beneficial for starting new relationships it will at least save my soul from the past one. What will we talk about? What will I say? Will I be spiteful or kind? My bet is on being kind and caring. It seems to be my greatest downfall. Most of my core group says I should stray from her altogether. That I had given so much of myself to her with so little in return. One of those things where you are standing to close to the picture to see the whole thing. I put so much of myself into that whole situation working out and when it didn't I fell apart. Lord knows I can't even quantify how badly I fell apart and for what reason. It was only 4 months of maybes and what ifs. The one thing I can truly stand by is that I tried. I gave it my best shot and I was true to myself and my emotions. I chased and failed but had I not chased at all I would have never known. Some of my friends said she was horribly selfish to drag me along like that. I believed it to but I could have saved myself and given up. I could have bowed out early and not fought so hard. Still this is a new me. I'm taking chances because I finally have my confidence. If it leads me to heart ache so be it. If it leads me to the girl of my dreams even better. I'm not wasting any more of my life second guessing and i will pursue my dreams and hearts desires with a flame. She will not slow me down nor will she lead me back to that darkness. My life is picking up and I am going full speed. Between getting way healthier and finding my voice and creativity I can not fathom hitting any set backs. Nor will i let myself. So I may be wary, I may be nervous. I am still unsure but for my part I have moved on. The embers that burn for Laura have faded back to embers and those coals can only be poked back to life by her seeking me. Still my friends of the net wish me luck. It will be an interesting test on my part.

I was on the news

2011-07-31T11:13:00.000-05:00

IF - perennial

2011-07-27T00:04:00.001-05:00

LA! LA! Can I have it like that.

2011-07-15T20:12:00.004-05:00

So my vacation started with a fun amount of crazy. I had to finish the image above before I left because they needed it for today and I was going to be gone. I managed to finish it around 3 in the morning and then pack for LA which I should have done way earlier. Still I love how this picture turned out. So I woke up around 9 and took off for Lawrence where I had a lunch date with the very lovely Alex Browne. Check facebook for pictures of that when I get back to Kansas. Got out of there late because I stayed to check out her amazing art and so I didn't get to spend alot of time with my sister in law in KC. Bounced over to the Airport and ended up sitting next to a couple con kids heading out to Chicago they liked the drawing I was doing for Crystal's birthday. Then I was off into the friendly sky's above. I managed to read all of Punisher; Frankencastle arc. Then a decent amount of my Fritz Leiber book before I touched down in LA and Crystal was right there when I got there. This trip so far is perfection. We got some food went back to her place caught up and had some wine. Very relaxing night.

The next day I woke up super early because LA is 2 hrs behind KS time so I was up and about like a gun shot. Saw Crystal off to her job and took a shower. After that I took off on a walk into Beverly Hills. The day was so beautiful I was just soaking up the sun. Got lunch at Nonna's Empanada's and hit the mall to find a nice shirt for dinner tonight. Everything was plaid. I was freaked by all the farmer fashion and when I finally found a shirt i liked it was 420 bucks. GOD DAMN!!!! I left empty handed and grabber some of that fruit cart fruit and had an awesome brunch if you will on my walk home. Started writing up an article for Talk Nerdy to Me Lover. Decided to take a smoke break and ran into Jason Bateman. So random! I love life so much right now. That's about it so far look forward to more details coming soon.

IF: Midsummer Night (nightmare)

2011-06-30T14:14:00.001-05:00

New Chapter - length to be determined

2011-06-26T00:53:00.004-05:00

It's a funny thing really. Just a few months ago I was ripping myself apart to find out why the girl I liked didn't like me. Literally, tearing at my soul. So its somewhat shocking that so shortly after that I have found myself involved with someone new. She's very intelligent so conversation wise we always have things to talk about. Still she's a different kind of nerd than me. Certainly a lot of opposites to work with here. I don't know if we'll pan out. Honestly, I don't know if this is all just another rebound thing for each of us. Seeing as we both just got out of relationships but for now it's good to be wanted. It's good to be desired. I fear I have closed myself off emotionally however after the soul wrench I did in the previous relationship. I Have locked my heart away for now and I'm giving it time to heal. It needs that. So for now I won't be opening it up. For fear that getting it involved in anything new when the wounds from the last are still so fresh will only aggravate the wound.

If she's at the same place it's probably for the best. We have talked about it in passing how neither of us know if this is going somewhere. Personally, I think we should just enjoy each others company and if things start to get weird, dramatic, or awkward part ways and keep the friendship. We share a lot of things in common as well. Still I think some of our core beliefs will conflict in big ways as the desire phase passes into the true knowledge phase. Guess we'll see. Still for now its a grand new adventure and I think it shall play a role in crafting who we are. At least whom I am and will be. Every new direction, every new decision leads us right to where we will end up. Can't wait to see the end of my story because getting there has been marvelous.

In more awesome news my brother Stephen is finally married. I say finally like it's been something coming for years and in a way it has. Still that makes two younger brothers of mine married before me. That kind of eats at you. I know it's not a race but damn it all how is it that I suck so bad at finding a real love. Oh well. I'll carry on in my crazy life. You see that's why i can't find it. The girl I'm looking for will no doubt have to deal with her own fair share of crazy. Seriously, I'm tempered in pure out there antics. Maybe I like the reaction, maybe I like to push people just far enough to test their resolve. Maybe I'm just me and I decided a long time ago that I want the person who falls for me to fall for me and not a mask I wear trying to be something they want me to be. Still I don't mind making minor concessions. Anyway, peace! I gotta sleep. 9 - 5 tomorrow. Gotta pour myself a cup of ambition and hope and pray it's not 100 degrees there again.

Swept

2011-06-17T00:01:00.003-05:00

End of Hope

2011-06-13T11:48:00.005-05:00

Ok, maybe not the full on end of hope. I still had to cut ties for now. I really have no idea, now especially, if we'll run back into each other romantically. Seems unlikely, but if we do it will be on her part so... the heart wants what the heart wants and hers didn't want me right now. I really think she gave it a good try and that she hoped it would. Still what can ya do. So moving on to the next chapter. That last one kinda tore me apart and I still get aftershocks of pain here and there. It's so surreal sometimes I see her face and house in my mind. I dream walk through them as if I can still grasp at them. So many songs, movies, youtube clips, and just plain moments in life remind me of her. We have so much in common. This has been one of my shortest relationships in my life but I invested so much of myself in it that it may have become the most damning. She will always have embers burning in my soul for her. She knows it too. Also kinda ruined the movie Tangled for me. I really really loved that movie. Now I can barely make it through the paper lantern scene. Le sigh. Ok! so that's all well and good there moving on and past that. Like I said she can come for me if she likes. I'm done investing in something that will most likely never pan out. Done hoping for something that seems to always slip through my grasp.

Moving on in random life updates. I've sense January been on a major get healthy kick. I've been controlling my calories. Working out at least 5 times a week, and most recently I have quit smoking again. At least I am trying to. I hate the first few weeks of the end of smoking. It's kind of awful and not because of the cravings. That I can deal with it's the fact that you are getting your taste buds back so everything thing tastes and smells new and usually really weird. Also you cough soooo much it's ridiculous. You are hacking out all that crap in your throat and lungs that had been built up there for however long you smoked. Anyway, in a few more weeks I'm sure I'll feel super healthy. I already miss the appetite supression and stimulant in it but what can ya do. No better time to quit smoking than when you are actively exercising. That way you aren't gaining the weight all smokers fear you will gain after giving up the nicotine crutch. Quitting smoking doesn't lend it's self to weight gain it's trading smoking for snacking something that always seems to happen. I was using a Blu Cig - An electronic Cigarette... but I washed it and I'm pretty sure it's not working anymore. So I guess it's cold turkey for me. Woot! I have gained the evil 5 - 10lbs back, but I have been pushing myself way harder at the gym to get fit so that ultimately that won't get me down. I've worked to hard not to push through. I was also taking these pills that boost your matabolism. My friend said it's way better to just work it off instead of using chemical aids. When you use the stimulants, if you stop using them the lbs come back pretty fast.

So there ya have it a little run down in my life of all the craziness that's happening. Look forward to new antic with what ever new girl decided to enthrall me ;)

Bump in the road

2011-05-12T12:59:00.000-05:00

So lets call this a bump in the road. Honestly, It may be a dead end when it's all said an done but for now there is still that glimmer of hope in my heart. The chasing of the girl I love wasn't going so well. I mean we were good just she kept pulling back and this confounded me. Last Wednesday I found out why. Me and the other guy she was "casually" dating weren't both after her. I was after her and she was after him. You can never catch someone who is chasing someone else. So I sent her a message saying such. Basically that there was nothing more I could do and I don't know what she wants me to do. She responded via email and let me know that it's a screwed up situation and that she knew all she had to do was turn around and I'd be there waiting for her to just fit. That i deserved to be her first choice and she feels like she's banging her head against a wall knowing I'm here for her. She wished she could just turn her heart towards me but it's scared of the type of relationship i want to pursue. I can't fault her for her logic. I get it i really do. So I told her I would give her an all stop. No calling, no texting, no emails. Just let her have the time to see if this other guy is what she wants and let her pursue him without me throwing it all off balance. Still I can't wait... I mean I could. I just know she doesn't want me to even though she does. She's everything I want from a girl and we go together so well it's ridiculous. Still this whole thing was so awful for my mind. Being in love with someone and never knowing if it's reciprocated. Worse still knowing they see us as an "US" and can't act on it. So backing all the way back for a bit. I'll let her miss me, let her miss my romance maybe let her see just what I can be. Maybe I'll pursue another girl, maybe I'll move on with my life knowing the whole time she's only 2 hours away from me. in a world full of people knowing a girl you could be soul mates with is so near gets to you. Sense last Wednesday I have many lows. I kept hoping she would buckle and call or message me or anything. We still responded on facebook wall posts but i'm not counting that. I just wanted to know I meant more to her than a few facebook responses. I told her straight up if she wanted me again it would be on her to instigate it. I can't put my heart through this again if hers isn't ready to be with me. On Thursday she sent me a music video via Facebook message.

It's a bit of a warning about who she sees herself as. Possibly, what I would be getting myself into. So a week of basically silence she sends me that. Once again confused as to what to do or even how to take it. She talked about the next time I was up how she's sing me another of this girls songs for karaoke. Who knows I'm probably reading way to much into these things. I'm going to maintain my distance. I'll stay out of reach unless she wants to reach me. The guy she's after may not even want her and really it does suck. I mean maybe it's what she needs to confirm she can catch the guy that's out of grasp. Still in doing so she has put me out of grasp. Something that could have been easy has been turned wonderfully difficult. The ball is in her court now and I'll see where things go. Really, as far as romantic interests I don't have any grand things in line. Just one girl from Arkansas who has a boyfriend and lets be honest is too young for me anyway. She's still amazing but I doubt anything will come from that. Still it's not even something i thought would be an issue as I was fully committed to Laura. Time will tell and I know time or fate will put me back together with Laura later it always does. Just don't want it to be in the fall of our lives because we were too stubborn to act in the presence. I truly hope Pride won't be our greatest undoing. Well that's all for now I hope everything turns out ok. It hurts not to be able to talk to someone you love.

So I saw this girl...

2011-04-25T19:44:00.000-05:00

More from the front lines

2011-04-14T23:16:00.005-05:00

So been a bit sense last I typed here, I suppose you my reader are wondering what's new. Well it's been a lot of the same sense the last time I wrote. Still in Limbo with Laura although I feel more grounded than before. She took me on a tour of her mind and I understand her better now. I'm a better person for that as well i think. She's gotten inside my head in a big way and so writing lets her out a bit. She's still the girl i hope and pray I end up with. She's still the white buffalo. So in that whole competition for her heart thing which turned out not to be a competition at all just her letting her heart guide her. I can't fault her for that. Well it's down to two and i'm part of that weird love triangle.

So still a mind bender but at least it's not a massive mind bender. I know absolutely nothing about this other guy. I mean i talked to him a bit at her party once but I didn't know he was a suitor. As it happened much to me being unaware there were several suitors there that night. Oh well. Hind sights 20/20 and all that shit right. Well, she's trekking up here to Manhattan to meet my folks. Kinda nerve racking in that i never know what my mom will say to the girls I bring before her. Still they met once a long time ago and they are both KU fans' Kindred spirits. So I hope it all goes well. Still working out the finer details of her getting up here but it will happen and I'm very excited for this weekend. More to come when next I remember to type.

If home is where the heart is my home is to far away.

2011-04-03T16:16:00.002-05:00

So recently, Jen has been writing this tell all on TNTML and its very emotionally draining for her and damn near for the readers. Still its opening her heart and I can not fault her for that. Recently, I too have opened my heart to the girl I am in love with. There I said it out loud. I am in love with her. I loved her once a long time ago and now I do again. It possibly could have carried over I don't know. Still love is what is going on. I know you aren't allowed to say that but really thats how we feel. Not saying it is just prolonging the hearts uncomfort. I wrote about that here --> LINK I cannot say if she feels the same. I know I see her desire for me in her eyes. In the way we kiss and hold each other. I have found home with her and it's not something I want to give up. So when I am in a game to win her heart from others who have similar aspersions, I will say this that it is very taxing. When we are together, it's all is as it should be. Everything clicks and she gets me in every sense of the word. When we are apart doubt creeps on me like a ghost. Living a few steps behind me everywhere I go.

I can't have a thought without it returning to her. I am not a jealous man and so this whole trying to decide which guy to go with isn't bugging me so much as the not knowing if it will be me. I have been disarmed and I stand before her powerless to a choice. My heart is hers and she knows she owns it. I haven't told her I LOVE her to her face but in the way I speak to her; she knows. It's a part of me I can't hide and it shines forth from my smile and my eyes. The part that gets me is I really do see her passion for me as well. In subtle things. A look, a smile, and in all the ways we interact. It all feels like we were puzzle pieces that got stuck to other pieces we didn't match and now have found each other. This whole life of ours has catapulted each of us back into each others lives over and over. It's like the universe is screaming, "Take a hint!"

So I write. As Jen put it writing is a greater therapy than any couch with some old person nodding at you. I have talked to my closest friends. Mostly, they all say the same thing. That if she likes me should should be with me. Having been with her though I also understand where she is coming from. Having options that are good and could all result in something amazing. I want her to be happy. I want me to be happy to. I believe we could be happy together. I just have to wait and see if her heart sees it the same way I do. We have literally been in and out of each others lives for almost a decade. Each time narrowly avoiding the other. I'll admit I landed in the friend role. So me liking her kind of came out of left field. So there will need to be a bit of time to adjust to me being more than a casual friend and becoming a lover. She fears if her heart won't let her choose me then it could ruin our now rebounded friendship. Something she really doesn't want to happen. Still we have taken things a little further than that and there isn't any turning back now. All I have are my words as I have told her and those words will have to hold me over till I see her again.

White Buffalo = Laura

2011-03-19T13:28:00.002-05:00

Ok, so my life has in one week nearly flipped upside down and I won't lie I can't imagine all the things I'm feeling. After one of the most amazing weekends I could have ever hoped to have with the girl of my dreams. That would be Laura. She is the white buffalo. The girl I have been chasing sense the fist time I met her and didn't have the stones to tell her I liked her because I was a fool. After this weekend I know her desire is reciprocated. That's wonderful you say? Sure except nothing in my life is that easy. I have been pitted against two other suitors to my knowledge unknown. The one I did know about went off the deep end so no worries there. Still nothing in my romantic ventures is easy. When I asked Cherry out she told me to wait she had to think about it. Sure the answer was yes, but the waiting will drive you mad. Simone made me wait like a month before she said yes. So why would it be any different with Laura. Apparently, I'm something to ponder. Still this time she knows. This time I wasn't going to be a casual observer and hope things went my way. I'm a different person now. I know what I want in life and what I will risk to get those things. Most importantly i know I want to be with her.

Generally, I don't mind the waiting game. In fact I'm pretty good at the long game. When I dated Amber we were basically in a long game the whole time. Still I did a very dumb thing this time. I threw my entire heart into my desire to be with this girl after this weekend. When she left I went into a tailspin of depression. Kinda what happens when so many things go very good and suddenly stop because she isn't there any more. I was visibly shaken at work and I was constantly playing through might be's in my head. In short I was making myself crazy. So I rushed home and started writing. I figured it would be better to put the things in my head down on paper so at least they were out of my head. What I wrote was one of the most honest appraisals of how I was feeling and how I felt about my own life and where i wanted it to go that I have ever penned. So when she called me on Wednesday in an act of sheer brazen foolishness I brought up this 3 page manifesto. She said she's like to hear it. I breathed deep and prepared myself for total failure. How I had the balls to read this to her and not ask her out in the past is beyond me.

After this very long, very open, very reveling segment of my life there was a long pause on the phone. The kind of pause that turns a man white with fear. I broke the silence with a pretty trembly, "um..?" She stopped me before my desire to spill random word vomit took over because I have a terrible fear of silence. She said, " Sorry just trying to process all that." I spun immediately into apology mode and felt ashamed I had even wrote it. She stopped me again before I made yet another foolish mistake. She told me it was fine and not a bad thing at all. That it just needs to be answered in turn very honestly. We talked for a while longer, a good sign in my eyes and I let her go begrudgingly to host my event that night. The next few days I was really freaked out. Having no idea how this would all come back to haunt me. I have never been that honest and open with a girl. This coming from a guy that doesn't lie and is generally very honest and open. I went above and beyond my limits. The sky was left far behind in my reach for hope.

There's that word again, "hope." For the last few months I had nursed an infant named hope and it was growing. In one week It shot up like some hydroponic plant. Forcing me to go through all it's life stages at once. The terrible twos of trepidation. The wonderful years where we get along and love each other. the bitter high school years where hope hates me and wants nothing to do with me. The college years where It's coming back around to liking me but I think it's only cause it wants something. Finally, full on grown up powerful hope. My heart is in this all the way now. There is no turning back. She says, "processing. will think on it and follow up with an honest response. open communication, right? you have opened the flood gates, so i hope you aren't disappointed with what comes out. don't be scared. not bad things." That message in it's self is terrifying. How can I be disappointed if the end result is I get to be with her. Better still is she knows I'm terrified. This girl can read me like a book.

I had only read my master soul opening diatribe to two people before reading it to Laura to get their opinions on it. Each of them said I had to send it to her. Afterwards, I let a few other very close friend leaf through it's contents and all they had to say was Wow! When this is all said and done and hopefully in my favor. I'll ask her if I can post it here or somewhere. See how the world feels about it as well. For now I wait, I hope beyond hope. I measure my time in seconds that feel like hours. My brain is a whirl of madness coalescing in one steady stream of consciousness. All I have to filter it is my mouth. So lets see how much trouble that gets me in.

great white buffalo

2011-01-23T21:21:00.004-06:00

So I'll be trying to write a little more here. You know cause so many people read this lol. I must admit my columns on TNTML have apparently gotten a lot of views. Don't know how many people like or dislike them no one's really commenting. Soon enough I'll keep writing until I have a faithful following. Really I just write what i know and about things I feel passionate or comical about. What's that you ask? No I didn't draw that image above here. I did color it. One of the few Satine released on her site. Bit of a discrepancy this will not be the version you see in the book. This one has the pupils. Very Very excited to be put in print with her later this year. Almost as excited as I was to have my name in Danny's LMS killbook. Dear god that was so beautiful.

Still that's not why I've taken the time to write today. The search for the Great White Buffalo may actually be turning out right. I was fearful when a cowboy interceded and try to coral this beautiful Bison, still I have faith that this time the waiting game won't be so long. Great White Buffalo = Girl that got away. Yeah, it's a long shot and I've been warned by more than one person not to go after girls who have been divorced. Still she's still amazing and I still like her. My feelings for her aren't going to change just because she was married. Talked to her for a few hours last night just telling stories. Was a wonderful night too. Great Saturday too I mean I didn't go out and I stayed in and talked to the girl I like. Go figure. So who knows how all this well go I've got my hopes up which is probably a mistake but hey a man's gotta hold onto his dreams.

Jordan

wow been a while

2011-01-14T02:06:00.004-06:00

Holy crap has my life been crazy lately. Seriously, I have had major waves pushing me all over and it's amazing. I can see my destiny unravel before me. The girl of my dreams is recently single. Who knows what will come of that but you never know especially the way life is working right now. Another girl who isn't single but is cool as all kudos has sprung up in my life. The wonderful Ashleigh Mayes. She writers for a blog called Kypto Dies. We have become writing soul mates at the other website we both write for Talk nerdy to me lover. Seriously, we just click so well. I will admit to having a crush on her. Now as you may remember I had things happening with the lovely Satine Phoenix who has a blog you can visit if you so choose called Sex, Food, and Comics. Well we finally paired up and while it was one month of very hard works you'll get to see our collaboration in the new year. Brought out by Rao Entertainment. That's just the tip of the Ice Burg turns out the TNTML website is getting turned into a TV series based around Jen's crazy life. Lord know I may even see an actor depicting me O.o how crazy would that be lol. Doubt that would happen but that's just how crazy this tale spinning life has been lately. I'll be posting more here later. For now this was my update.

2010-06-26T22:58:00.002-05:00

So it's been a long while sense I wrote out some kinda random drival to those of you whom pass this blog by. Turns out not only have I become a poet, painter, and artist in my life. Now I'll be a paid writer for a trendy blog http://www.talknerdytomelover.com/ So far I've put up two pieces but that's just the start. On top of that I've been working with alot of really fun people in the movie industry and life just seems to be taking a wonderful turn. Still looking for that girl but even in that venue the skies seem to be clearing. Sorry for the lack of updates here. I have been working on alot of commissions, written pieces, poems and this final class I have to take to graduate. I'm sure i'll post more soon :)

New friends new failings

2010-05-12T01:18:00.000-05:00

Been a while sense I posted been working on a new big commission and another side project for some of the first fan art for So I hit it with my Axe. I have recently made friends with Satine Phoenix didn't realize she was a porn star when I met her just thought she was an artist and model lol She's wicked cool though just got a book of her art published something I would love to have done with either my art or poetry or both. :) Same with my friend Danny he's got a book coming out too LMS. Seems fortune smiles on friends of me lol. Poetry has been really kind to me lately seem to be gathering a bit of a fan base lol. Wish i could gather it via the web. Went on a little trip to San Francisco Got to see the beautiful Amber finally. Been friends so long I was surprised I hadn't made the trek to see her sooner. It was definitely one of the high moments of an already fantastic trip. Got to see the Golden gate bridge and I went to Japan town and China town. Hell because of us they will be starting a new Yosakoi Festival in San Francisco how god damn epic is that. So needless to say life has been treating me good. Aside from some horrible cold I got a while ago put me out of commission for almost two weeks. Seriously I have never felt so dead to the world. I hate being without my ridiculous amounts of energy makes me feel so unproductive course apathy is never really suited me. but other than that just feeling kinda lonely feel like a need a girl real bad. Course thats the only time you can't find one is when you're looking for one lol. So best of luck to me.

Poety SLAM!

2010-02-19T01:31:00.000-06:00

So hey all you cool cats n kitties. So went and signed up my crappy poetry for a poetry slam. That for all you people who were like me and had no idea what it is... IS a scored poetry match where each poet is awarded points based on presentation and poetry and the like. So here I was doing my kinda funny poems and tryng to get the crowd all riled up for me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r26VtWxGRLw Crazy as it was apparently I was one of the best. I was going up against a national Slam poet so really i figured as most would that their was no way to get first so I assumed with that place taken I was left with little chance of placing between the 9 of us competing. Then outa no where I was called out as second place and up against a slam poet I just assumed that was first. Seriously hes way above any of us poems wise. Pretty much made my week.

A week thats been surprisingly hectic. I had a Valentines party on Sat. That was great fun even though i got a little emotional at it cause it was Cherry and I's 2 yr Anniversary of meeting and it reminded me she would be leaving soon. Sunday was a relaxing day nothing to crazy. Monday was of course the poetry slam. WOooo!!! Then Tuesday was the ever awesome Auntie Mae's hero and villains party I dressed up as the green lantern even though people said i kinda looked like a ninja turtle I still had a blast. Wed me n Cherry went out to our fav restaurant and had some good eats and then watch a movie that was basically the story of our life except with a happy ending lol and then tonight it was my friend sondra's B-day party went out to Finns. Love that bar. But I was glad I was her DD got to hold her while she cried for the loss of her Grandpa. Was glad i could be there for her. So this weekend I'm heading to Naka Kon to preform Yosakoi then after hitting up KC to party for Cherries B-day then Sunday sleeping till 5 in the afternoon lol.

That's about all peace my friends

Poetry Night

2010-02-03T01:06:00.001-06:00

Had another go at Poetry night tonight at Auntie Maes. Huge success I really love getting up there and reading and just a new venue for my creative side. I fell that drawing while good is just one way i can be artistic. This is a whole new level of really fun creative sides. Here is a poem that I read tonight.

It feels good doesn't it

That sweet release as you exhale

A taste of poison lingers on your lips

It's not something you should do

Its something you choose to do to relax

With tendrils snaking away from your mouth

Someone besides you coughs

Sure glad they aren't smoking with that nasty cough

I'd offer you one up to the last on in my pack

You've had a hard day you deserve this sweet release

The moment of quite contemplation in the serenity of the outdoors

or a time to catch up with a loved one of meet a new friend

It is of course the perfect seaway to introductions

Got a light, why don't I... well those things are like sunglasses

Ya lose them all over until you decide you quite

Then they pop up like weeds in suburban lawns

Embers fading as the wind carry's your remnants off into the distance

Sure I can quite but why would I

I only know I'll smoke again the next time I get drunk

and why give up this glorious comeradery

to be the solitary guard of purses and half filled mugs

Wondering just what juicy conversation your missing out on

No thank you I'll brave the cold or the ridiculous heat

I'll drive with my window down or only slightly cracked

I'll exhale deeply the left over passion pulled through a filter

and bask in your beauty as this transparent dragon creeps over your nakid body

Days are made better if for but a moment

Brought to a whole with ourselves allowing inward contemplation

As we all stand and prepare for that age old contest

THE FLICK... and as it summersalts away we sigh

back into maes and leaving the three people who were smoking American spirits

Back to our beer, back to our problems, back to life

Content to wait a few healthy hrs before we can swim through the clouds again

There I was mic right in front of me and a group of people friends and strangers alike wrapped in attention waiting for my words. It was an amazing feeling. Anjana even showed up this time to hear me and our friend Mark read. Got to admit i got a crush on that girl. Sad she's moving hopefully not to far away but still never any fun to lose the ones you love.

I still have a head cold its getting to be annoying I can't stop coughing and its giving me headaches. but hey what can you do. I have been working a ton ridiculous hrs with overtime every week. I mean the pay is great so it's hard to complain but I long for those days when i had free time you know. Right now i'm balancing work, yosakoi, art, and a social life and trying to find the right girl while doing all that is a sad testament to why people spend so long trying to fall in love. Like I said anjana needs to stay and fall madly in love with me lol. Till that happens well I'll keep my eyes open in this town the current population changes so often you get a constant stream of 18 - 22 yr olds. Kinda annoying when the girl you're looking for should be at least 21 or older right. But, we never now where love will find us. maybe I could take a cue from Cherry and just try n hook up use that fleeting romance of the moment. but, that's just not me i gotta roll with the real thing. Well till a new chapter you all have a good one.

Pepsi

Chicago

2010-01-16T11:09:00.000-06:00

Well i went off to chicago and it was i must admit a blast, luckily the weather was much warmer and so beautiful. The weather in kansas on the way up there was crazy though. The girls mother that i was taking up there was pretty worried we would get stuck there. Not such luck though although we did have quite the switch around with hotels and the like. Not to mention I had to mod the whole trip because the first girl I was going to take got sick with mono and strep. So obviously she couldn't go but expedia was super cool and comped me for her ticket. The flight was easy no difficulties on taking off but when we landed apparently another flight had caught on fire or something so we couldn't leave out plane for an hr. i did get a book finished then though, Neil Gaimans Interworld. Its a fantastic read and i recommend it :D. We get there and find out that the hotel i got is way out in the boonies. By the boonies i mean on the complete opposite side of the city in the suburbs High north when the concert was in the deep south.

Well Had to change up hotels once again expedia helped me out there with still alot of confusion it wasn't until we got to the second hotel that we were trying to book that a really cool hotel manager sat us down explained a lot of Chicago to us and booked us in the merchant market. Now we hoped the trains and took off towards the merchant mart and it was a good long ways away so thank good for cheap public transfer in chicago cause cabs are expensive. But we eventually made it to the merchant mart in the heart of downtown chicago and tooled around in the shops and stores. Found a book store that was going out of business and made sure to pick up ever Neil Gaiman book they had and I didn't not to mention a Micheal Crighton book that they found at his place after his death fully complete. excited to read that. Finally made it to our hotel which was i admit more expensive but wow was it amazing. They had a sky bar that I ended up spending most of my time at over the trip.

Checked into our room had two marvelously big beds, just a very pretty room and we relaxed. i really wanted to check out the sky bar and Meredith said she needed to get ready to i took off to sit and relax with a martini in a sky bar. First of in a really expensive bar martinis are very expensive and had it not been for a random girl asking me to take part in a free very old scotch tasting i would have felt I spent too much there. After the martini I ordered Japanese beers and Guinness. Their Guinness was an elixar of the gods though soooooo good. So I sat there looking out over a beautiful city and reading my second book. Odd and the frost giants. It's a very short book and I polished it off that evening. Meredith came down and we grabbed a cab to go see eddie izzard Who was just as funny as he always is. I laughed until my face hurt from smiling. And I got to sit on the floor where Micheal Jordan had become a legend. Eddie's skit was very british and I'm used to that I have lived with a brit and watch alot of britsh tv. When I showed my roomate later he couldn't catch half the jokes. But in the moment they were very spot on. Very Izzard. Took a bus and a train back after the show because the cabs were charging rediculous amount of money to get out of the bad part of chicago went back to the sky bar and ordered a deep dish pizza to be delivered. After filling our bellies we decided to hit the hay and look forward to our adventours tommorrow.

After sleeping in we got up and took a trip over to the Chicago institute of art really made me wonder about getting into art school again. But i picked up an application fro my brothers who i believe will do great things in the world of art. Then we took off into the city to check out all the sites. While chicago was beautiful that day nothing in downtown was open. It was really weird all the shops were closed down and had signs saying only open on the weekdays. Lesson learned for the next trip i take out this way. So without any shops to duck into we ate at a subway. Then took the trains back to the Airport where my tickets were once again changed for an earlier flight. I swear i made a ridiculous amount of changes to my itinerary. Made it back to KC alright and then back to Manhattan. Not bad weather to worry about or nothing. When I got back i immediately picked cherry up and went to a party. Bad idea i had already worked a ton that week and topping that off with a long distance trip and severe lack of sleep i was not the life of the party to say the least. Luckily I crashed hard that night and didn't wake up till late the next day ready to go to work again. returning to normal life and well thus the story goes.

So angry i could spit

2010-01-06T17:47:00.000-06:00

I am a Christian, I believe in a good and loving god, but I find it really hard to be around other Christians more often than not because there is a lot of hate in those circles. When I went to MCC as a christian college i had hoped to be readily accepted but I was not. not by the general student pop they all separated in to high school circles of preps, jocks, super holy kids, and rebellious kids. There I was with a few friends but not really any cement friends to call my own in fact a rarely talk to any of my student peers from MCC. It wasn't until i ran into a local group of wiccans and pagans that i felt truly accepted. They accepted me as a christian with my beliefs and didn't judge me. Just loved me for who I was something I rarely see christian groups do. I think it has to do with all these rules Christians put forth . Sure there are rules for all kinds of things but some of those rules have to be followed or you are ostracized. For instance no sex before marriage but I know almost all my christian friends had sex before I did in fact they would fool around at church events. So i guess that must have been ok so long as you can keep it a secret. In fact its come down to secret keeping more than anything if you did something bad and feel guilty you can't talk to other Christians about it because you will be judged by your peers. It's this type of reactionism that drove me away from the church. Back in the day my GF was living with me and no as gods my witness we did not have sex but because she was living with me and i didn't hide that fact my church took my scholarship away. My family stood by me and i think them for that and view them as true Christians able to accept me for whom i am and love me without judging. My mother and father have been most instrumental in raising me to love others no matter who they are or what they have done.

I don't lie anymore, i don't see the point and I hate secrets, I will keep a secret but as for my life I will tell you the truth if you ask me. this has been at times both convenient because people know i don't lie and very inconvenient for other people who thought something we did together was confidential. lol Oh its gotten me into a few fixes. Altogether though its been wonderful. Now i haven't had to face the ugly head of the obsessively hateful christian right in a while and that's saying something because of the siding with the right politically and i firmly believe that churches should stay out of politics. So because i respect and love my dad i try and stop myself from ranting about the FAR right. But recently i found out about something so disastrously evil that it made my skin crawl. Three evangelists went to Uganda to speak out against being gay. WHY!?! what happened to the word of Christ's love. What happened to God salvation. Why are they spreading messages of hate and fear mongering. Due to these threes interference in Uganda a bill was proposed to execute any person who was found to be gay. Women and men there had already been overly abused for it but now they were to be executed. All because of some hateful propaganda spread by followers of "god" This is not what it means to be Christians and it is not our right to judge other and especially to dispose the assumed will of our lord on them. Some of my best and dearest friends are gay in fact one is looking to go to Africa in the peace core. Could you imagine how i would feel if he was executed for his sexual orientation because of what these three instigated. it turns my stomach to see the hate that boils away in the hearts of Christians everywhere for gays. God loves them too. The verses these groups use to support their claims to biblical hatred come from the old testament which were laws imposed by the leaders of the time to coral the misdeeds of the people and were then put null n void when Christ came. Gave use the true rule to live by. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Would you like it if gays were in the majority and forced laws not allowing heterosexuals to get married, or went about attempting to kill people just because they loved the opposite sex. Think about it from the opposite side of the table here folks. This is wrong and we as Christians are not called to HATE, but to love and accept and allow God to be the final say in these matters and if he indeed finds them unholy well then it's on him because I will continue to love my friends no matter their sexual preference, race, or religion. That's what i am called to do by my creator. Hate is just to much work and way to hard to get rid of. Remember back to that story of how my church kicked me to the curb. Well that was one of the first times i felt hate for someone else and I held onto that hatred for many years. It wasn't until i let it go that i was able to forgive and forget. PS gay marriage wont ruin the sanctity of marriage that's ridiculous, its a love act where two people are commeting to each other for life. sigh... sometimes i hurt for people victimized by others who rationalize things with God's approval.

Christmas and a reading

2009-12-29T00:53:00.001-06:00

Another Christmas come n go. Weather was definitely an issue this year I mean I love a white Christmas n all but this was crazy i narrowly escaped the Manhattan blizzard and went down to my hometown of norton. Got to hang with family in the midst of yet another wicked winter storm I actually just relaxed alot and hung out with my brothers and fam. For christmas I got every thing i could have wanted and more. Not only did i get to spend time with my family and see my Grandma but Gran game me the first installment of my family's history. My mom gave me a ton of Neil Gaiman books. American Gods, Good Omens, Magical Creatures, interworld, and then on top of that sense my brother stephen had already been gifted books that he got they came to me. Sense and sensibility and sea monsters and pride and prejudice and zombies. Then I got several games, Zelda spirit tracks, Kindom hearts for DS, and scribblenauts, and the Wii game Conduit. its been a great Christmas i wish I had brought home my Metroid game so i could have played that with my brothers. Also realized just how far advanced in art my little brothers are. Dear god I just hope to catch up someday they are both prodigies.

I will be working alot these coming weekes thanks to a trip i will be taking to Chicago with my friend Meredith. Should be great fun. aside from some crazy difficulties with the airlines and getting a name change. Apparently its a really hard thing to do. Which I'm surprised at cause I think it should be way easier in this techno age. Sigh. What can ya go right. Well that aside, I made it back to Manhattan safe. It was quite a drive but I did it. I have one of the busiest work weeks ever plotted at carlos. So that will be draining but i should be able to work it and it will give me the hours i need to cover the time missed. or at least it better. lol

Tonight I got to hang out with an old friend of cherry's shes quite an interesting girl and she wanted to do a tarot card reading on me. The cards i pulled were Art, Virtue and anti adjustment basically me in a nut shell it was an interesting read. But for irhgt now i need to sleep.

Post Christmas

2009-12-22T02:35:00.000-06:00

So it's that time of year again time to go and hang out with the fam and do the Christmas thing. Weather aside I always look forward to hanging out with my family they are so wonderful and I'm a better person for getting to hang out with them. So far I have gotten to go to a few Christmas parties before heading back to Norton and sadly a few anti-Christmas parties for all those hipsters who hate to label things.

Art wise I am still trying to push out commissions like an old man trying to take a dump. Seriously with this new work schedule doing art and having a social life are starting to be affected. But I'm willing to push through all that if it means graduating and getting my debt squared away finally. I already have my spending money ready to go for Chicago so that's a none issue and after that its just a matter of making sure my car and computer don't piss out on me.

As far as social networking is going my favorite activity recently is poetry night I have really gotten into writing poems. Never really done it before but it's nice to have a new creative outlet although Cherry thinks I'm better than her and that erks her off cause poetry is her thing lol and art should be mine. Like I said i really enjoy the new creative outlet plus it takes way less time to do than art. Not that i'll stop doing art. Speaking of cherry we have started a new workout routine that's actually getting me exercising again which is good if I'll be getting back into yosakoi full time again. I really hope I will be considering this may be our last year.

So cherry and I's weird relationship is about the closest thing I have to a relationship right now. The last two girls I have pursued have both gone back to X's and left me wondering. I guess go with what's safe and what you know as opposed to what you don't know. I'm a risk I guess. Oh well I ought to stop looking right. I haven't even gotten to see anjana in like forever. That's the worst. :( Oh well life goes on but I'm a romantic and I need someone to shower my affections on lol .

Well that's about all peace all have a great one.

Sushi and Strippers

2009-12-05T03:10:00.000-06:00

So this week been all sorts of topsy turvy Gotta say I have loved it all. Sink beer was a blast got to hang out with Caitlin a little more although turns out shes having crazy issues with X's much like Mackenzie was. So here's a yay for me crushing on girls with X's lol Tuesday I read my first real poem at a poetry slam at auntie maes and i can safely say it was a hit. Ran into Mackenzie there first time I have seen her well sense the play. She loved my poem too so that's cool. Cherry and Michael both said it rocked. Totally walking on cloud nine that night. Wed was art night and this girl Betsy came over and she was wicked cool created some really cool metal works based on that nights theme. So moving on to Thursday when I got to go to Auntie maes Christmas lighting ceremony. Pretty amazing even though a drunk santa spilt a drink on this girl Kate I was hanging out with. Later that night I got to hang out with Meredith Lindsey needless to say our friendship is stronger thanks to it. :D So ended that night and I got super excited for the next day because I was going to give Cherry a ride to KC so she could spend the day with her crazy cool cuzin. After dropping her off me and Asuka this crazy cool Japanese girl that asked me to help her do something that I will reveal later had come along . We both went and got sushi and Sushi Gin It was so good definitely always worth the amount I spend there to eat. Lets just say it's a dollar sushi place and I spend 30 dollars :d. After that we got lost in KC and then finally found our way to Lawrence where we got lost again. I was really good at getting us lost and Finally back to Topeka where both Asuka and I got to go to a strip club for the first time in our lives. Live nude models for 5 bucks. This is something I should have done ages ago i got so many drawings done I was on a role and will post them later after I ave touched them up. The lighting there was abysmal. I definitely need to get another sketch book for nights like that. The water color one is way to ruff for quick sketching. Made friends with several of the girls there. Mainly a girl named star she was really cool and had the whole triforce from zelda tattooed on her back. Yeah shes that cool. Definitely going back in the future to draw again. So yeah this whole week has been one awesome day after another. :D

What a week

2009-11-28T02:53:00.000-06:00

So this has been an interesting week. One for a the records I would imagine. One to out do the last one by miles that's for sure. I go from being wildly blah about a lack of love to an overwhelming show of affection from the fairer sex. Starting Monday at sink beer. Where i not only got hit on by several girls but one guy. i know I know I'm spoced to feel weird about a dude hitting on me. WHAT EVER! I don't care who hits on me it makes me feel pretty. One there is Anjana and we all know i love this girl to death. Shes one of my best friend and very pretty to boot. Sometimes, i think we don't know what to do with each other cause we dig on each other but there's that 4 yr friendship that's like wait a sec your best friends. So i take her affections with both acceptance an humility knowing full well we'll probably never act on it but shes so awesome. So here's to you Anjana you know I love you but it's worth repeating you are amazing and I treasure all the moments i spend with you. jeffery the fella that hit on me. I mean come on this guys just a catch if I was into dudes i would have taken the chance lol but he's really great and much thanks to you jeffrey for making me feel pretty that night. Lastly, Caitlin Cash besides having one of the coolest names ever we have an epic real introduction and I say real because our paths have crossed in social situations before but we've never been formally introduced till that night. So that night she made the wonderful assumption that she might get drunk and lets face it at sink beer it's bound to happen and then warned me she might try n make out with me because I looked like Pen from Pen n Teller. Well I was completely ok with that the girl was cute as hell. So later that same night anjana came by slightly inebriated poor thing she always gets really flirty when she's a bit tipsy not that i mind I love the affection. But yeah Caitlin said she was going to have to head out saddened that i had missed the chance to kiss a pretty girl I spoke up and said "HEY! we never got to make out?" She promptly said well get over here n kiss me. Whats a boy to do i lept up n gave her that kiss she so richly deserved.

Two days later were being escorted out of a theater because high school kids think its funny to pull fire alarms. Not that I minded spending an extra 30 with this new girl but it was farking cold out there and she was wearing pretty shoes that showed her toes I just had to assume she was freezing. We finally made it back into the theater and watched what turned out to be one of my favorite movies this yr. The fantastic Mr. Fox. So far aside from destroying my thumbs with texting she has been nothing but a pleasure and a new reason to smile. So tonight she had a going away party pub crawl and myself well my cuzin was coming into town so we did the sensible thing and all met at maes. So it was another night were I got to hang out with her and some of her friends. Sully made sure I felt awesome about myself I mean seriously that girl coudl make the saddest emo kid give up the razor. On top of that I had my hair down again so another slightly drunk girl tried getting me to kiss her and there's always Katie the bar tender whom I will always remember as Zatanna which mind you if i ever had a daughter i would probably name her that. We have an interesting love affair. Shes crazy busy and I'm too dumb to remember to text her to hang out but we always love seeing each other at maes. I'll have to go more often. But heres to another great week. :)

le sigh

2009-11-22T00:40:00.000-06:00

Hasn't been the best week ever I can definitely say that without reservation. Started off on Mon with Sink beer which was fun times for sure. but after that quickly feel by the wayside as all my friends are apparently busy with school n work leaving me sadly alone. Luckily There was a new Dr. Who this week. Ah David Tennant. You never disappoint. But yeah it's been kinda a downer week but what can ya do sometimes everyone is just busy. I have also recently descoverd Live stream and have been using that regurally. Check that out if you get time. I'm saintpepsi there. But yeah, cherrys got a new boytoy, my last intrest hasn't instagated a conversation in like a month and my dearest anajan was gone away on work. Can't wait for next week it better be an upper week lol except for having to work from 6 to like 5 on black friday Aggghhhh. thats all fro now pretty short one i know :D peace all

pepsi

Thanksgiving ALREADY!?!

2009-11-17T01:03:00.000-06:00

So I got to go home and enjoy what one might consider to be an early Thanksgiving. Ms. Goodwin was to accompany me but sadly was tied up with Guys n Dolls a musical I still have yet to see go figure. Anyway, haven't heard from her really in a long while going to go ahead and assume things won't be working out on that front. I have secured the allegiance of my dear friend Jen to find me the perfect girl whom she says she has located in Lawrence. I guess I'll have to see. I no longer do the whole attempting to disguise myself as whom I think people want me to be so as to be better available for a larger girl populace. Probably would have helped me out tonight when i met the lead from guys n dolls and in a bit of a drunken loudness promptly yelled something at her that could have easily been said quietly lol. Oh well another sound first impression made. Sink beer has become a wonderful Monday night extrusion for me though. Good drinks good friends. I even don't have to feel bad about all those crabs because Cherry and I are doing DDR prior to it.

Well back to this weekend my brothers the twins were in a play called My son the Rock. Kinda felt like a Grimm fairy tale about this king and queen whom are basically very un-impressed with their son and piss off a witch who through a matter of coincidence convinces them that she has turned their son into a rock. My brothers were very good in it along with a few of their friends but it was still a high school play and sadly I have seen both Broadway and very well done college productions. I guess I have been spoiled. I really can't wait to see my brothers in college plays because they have a great energy.

I actually didn't get into political arguments with my family. That's always good we have different view points on the world possibly screwed by news. But what can you do. I did get to see my cousin Jess and Michelle both of which i haven't seen in quite a while. And My mother whom I largely thank just for the chance to watch her watch spots once again made watching sports quite amusing. As she jumped and hollered and screamed KU to victory in basketball and sadly not quite as effectively in football. But mainly I was just really glad to get to hang out with my family and have really goo food. Even better than that sense it wasn't a huge turn out I didn't over eat so no feelings of thanksgiving gluttony guilt. All good here.

Lastly I want to point out a new book I read over this short break by Neil Gaiman Called The Graveyard Book. The Graveyard book click on this title for a summary. Is Neil Gaiman at his absolute best It's written in much the same fashion as the jungle book except instead of a jungle charged with raising a young boy. it's the souls of a graveyard. Each new chapter in a new and fascinating adventure through the eyes of a boy raised by ghosts. If you read one book this yr make sure it is this one.

Well that's all for me Have very pleasant Thanksgiving all.

Jordan

The Ethnic sleeping Cap

2009-11-03T23:40:00.000-06:00

So A while ago I was walking through Wal-mart looking for some hair nets Now they had the kind that the lunch lady wears and I was like while I will be using this for food prep I don't really want the lunch lady look. Kept walking checking different areas in the hair care area and I stumble upon the "ETHNIC" section its all of 1/4 of an isle long obviously, we don't have too many Ethnic people in Manhattan or they must go elsewhere for their haircare needs. Well I found a much better caliber of hair nets. They were a lot more expensive but so far have lasted way longer. While I was there I found a sleeping cap made of satin. Thought, interesting something to keep my crazy long hair from attempting to murder me every night. So I grabbed that to. Let me just say for the record it totally works. I love it! I wake up in the morning not pulling hair from my eyelids, mouth and wrapped menacingly around my neck. I just pull of this satin cap and down it falls. Better still it falls with that signature bounce and vitality that hair has in shampoo ads. With that slight curly bounce.

So while I am not "Ethnic" I gotta say this product is totally worth it to anyone who has long hair. So in other news today was the first day of Auntie Maes Mighty fine poetry night featuring my poster. Pretty excited It turned out really well. Also did the art for my friends radio show which was spoced to happen tonight but they forgot their keys so the radio just played christian rap music for like 2 hrs. I will be a guest next week though. Man my birthday is creeping up on me here pretty soon I'll be 28 does that sound old to anyone else. O.o Oh well maybe this year will be better than the last :D

Peace all

Pepsi

Doe a Deer

2009-10-29T12:54:00.000-05:00

So last night as I was doing my normal nothing here at home. Watching house and drawing when I got an IM from my friend Gaby to come carve pumpkins. I was pretty excited I love doing the carving thing :D So I took off to go carve up some pumpkins and luckily on my way down my street that is in the middle of town I was paying attention because out of no where two deer jumped right in front of my car. I slammed on the breaks the first one dodged to the left and I felt it bump my car slightly and the other one did one of those crazy back jumps that deer do also avoiding my car. Got my adrenaline going for sure. Made my way over to Gaby's place where unfortunately, all the pumpkins had been cut up. She said she was surprised so many people had made it over lol. So I had a few drinks and just hung out and watched em play some Wii sports. I also found out that the oldest person there was 23. 23 O.o !!!!!!

Made me think man this town is not made for people my age. You meet a particularly awesome girl and she's 6 yrs younger than you. In this instance there were a few there that were still teenagers. I started dating cherry when she was 21, and Mackenzie albeit We're not dating even though I'd like to give that a try lol She's still 21 too. Maybe, I should be looking for a place where the singles scene isn't fresh outa high school. I have made a rule though I will not date anyone under 21. It's not that I don't think they can be mature enough lord knows I'm just as crazy and immature as any high school kid sometimes.

Its just that girls as well as guys need to come into their own and know who they are and with out that period of acceptance of self; then you get from them exactly what they think you want them to be and not who they are. Even now I still find it difficult not trying to be what i think a person wants me to be to woe them. You want a person to see all your best qualities even if your not like that at all. I'm sure there are guys out there who act like complete dicks because they know girls are looking for guys who aren't trying to be what they want and end up with a dick lol. Weirder still is nice guys who see girls hooking up with one prick after another make the assumption that you have to be a prick to get the girls you like. sigh. Crazy missed up world my friends.

So here I am to my knowledge and the references of my peers I am a nice person with good qualities, not a bad boy, not a dick. I'm just me I'm not always exciting, I like to be boring sometimes and others I'll be completely spontaneous and run around like a crazy person. I'm the far left and the far right. I'm overall moral and yet too often lecherous and immoral. I live on a whim of what can make me smile and what will help me truly treasure a moment. A brilliant color in the fall that causes you to stop and look at the trees, An intoxicating aroma as a girl passes and the wind whips the memory of your brief encounter back to you. Mainly, just looking for someone to hold and love. All I need no great over compensating list built around the assumption of the perfect girl. Let me have a flawed and interesting girl over a pieced together robot made from my own quirky needs. Just my thoughts today.

Ready to embark again

2009-10-26T23:07:00.001-05:00

I was having a lengthy talk with an old friend of mine and they said something that stuck with me. I am ready to fall in love again, ready to chance getting my heart broken again. Her name is Aimee Smith and I have a great deal of respect for this person. I thought about what she had said and thought to myself. I too am ready to take on the challenge of love again and the possibility of heartbreak. Really, that's the ultimate disablement to our think it out or jump methodology. To keep your heart in check or slide it out to be torn apart by the reavers of that realm. It seems that all my close friends are on the fence about my new crush with the assumption that I will be left broken and hurt again. Really, I have no idea the course my life will take and I am so tired of being kept up with what if's. I really just want to fall head over heels for someone that loves me the same. To fall with each other through fields of clover and lay laughing as we attempts to give clouds meaning.

I guess this has come to a greater fruition thanks to the news of an Ex moving on. Hell, all of them moving on to happiness and me left hoping for my romance unachievable. Maybe, the ideal girl that I have established in my minds eye is just a dream. An assumptions never to be realized. Man I want to be back in Japan. Soaking up an altogether new culture and living in the moment ever second. I want a new insomniac friend someone to stay up late and bullshit with. Someone to go on grand adventures with. I never want to plateau. I see it in my roommates sometimes a mediocraty that consumes. With out reason to achieve they stay and ferment. I live to experience each new moment and to garner what little I can from quick thoughts not meant to be dwelt on. For now I guess i'll just wait and hope that things will turn out alright and I'll find the one that I'm meant to be with the one that loves me with my quirky attributes that are delightful and my annoying grievances that would ward off ill suitors. Such is the hope I have. A future to look forward to.

Why we are the way we are.

2009-10-20T12:41:00.000-05:00

So Mackenzie and I went to the Ren fest and wow was it cold. Did my best to keep her warm but yeah somethings are out of my hands lol. After seeing one of my favorite Pirate bands The Jolly Rogers. And many thanks to Mackenzie for turning me on to a band called The Decemberists how I have never heard of them blows my mind. On our way back after rushing as fast as our frozen feet could carry us to the car. We made it to Topeka in time to find our venue and then get some Red Lobster. Then off to one of the most entertaining Musicals I have ever seen and I highly recommend anyone checking this out. EVIL DEAD the Musicall. :) so much fun. Oddly enough the best friend in it was a Door Guy I knew from O Mallys. But yes ever so epic. Mackenzie and I's next adventure will be around Nov. 14th traveling back to my home town. Might be a major bonfire with some crazy explosions if my brother and I can make it happen lol.

For now this weekend I will have my art up in a private art show here in town and right after that rush off to Blood feast as one of the wild things. Should be a fun filled weekend with lots of crazy pictures. With any Luck Mackenzie will be feeling better. The week after this I'll have the pleasure of seeing the play she's in called The last Days of Judas Iscariot.

Finally I'll wax intellectual with you the few that read this lol.

Last night I had art night at my house and had Kevin, Zac, and Keagan over so yeah there were actually people working on art. But we were watching this crazy show with many different animations in it. One of them sparked a conversation about story telling and the effects it has on the youth. So I thought back and said really as children or even youthful teens we take what we want from stories and mold ourselves as such. Take a story with a powerful villain, add an unlikely hero and a damsel and what not. Basically any Disney movie. Sure the picture is painted that the villain is the bad one but what if you relate more to the villain in the story and or desire the power that they have. Even if they are defeated in the end you can still opt for that kind of power and hope to make choices that allow you to keep your ill gotten spoils. Sure we are all spoced to side with the hero but as I did many times in my youth related to the villain and the struggle they had to go through to maintain control of their dominion.

I found this particularly interesting when I had the chance to watch Mongol. Its a Russian made movie that obviously had a director in love with akira kurosawa. The movie was about Genghis Khan it showed how he rose to power and what he went through and as history tells it he was a conqueror who sparred few and ruled fiercely. Some might say a villain but the steps that lead him there are easily understandable and filled with good intentions. So it makes me wonder when we tell tales to impressionable minds what virtues are we actually imprinting on them. Traits of a hero we so long for them to become or are we showing them glimpses of the power that can so easily be obtained with the loss of scruples and the willingness to set aside your values for good intentions that ultimately fall into a deeper chaos.

Meh just some thoughts any way gotta work on some art peace.

Off to Chicago

2009-09-29T12:02:00.000-05:00

So Mackenzie has allowed me to be super spontaneous as of late. Making plans at random and that's a breath of fresh air Coming from so many days of the same. Just waking up going to work coming home being a 4 hours social and then going to bed. So know we went to a random dinner theater. Unfortunately the food was horrible had some kind of pie which we couldn't figure out if the pie was either peaches or apples. Thats not a good thing. But the skit was really classic. A fun parody on spy movies from Bond to Austin Powers. After wards we got pie at Village Inn. We also are going to be going to see Evil Dead the Musical in Topeka and I'm definitely excited about that it's spoced to be really fun. That same day we will be driving to KC for the Ren Fest. Even more amazing then that kinda crazy randomness is that we booked a flight to Chicago and will be going to see Eddie izzard. She was over at my house late one night and we were talking about our mutual love for Eddie Izzard and I was like we should see when he's on tour. Oddly enough he was on tour just now but surely I thought this show in Chicago would be sold out. And this is the crazy fate part the tickets for that show went on sale the next morning at 10 and so there we were up at 10 in the morning buying tickets for Eddie izzard. So there you have it I am with Mackenzie on our way to Chicago pretty excited. :D Course it's in jan. That's going to be friggen amazing.

saintpepsi

These times they are a changing

2009-09-12T00:43:00.000-05:00

,

So been seeing this girl for a bit and enjoying her company for sure. Can't say if it will be going anywhere. but I have to admit i enjoy her company she's definitely into cuddling up n watching movies. Can't complain about that and she loves to read and learn and also pretty attractive not going to lie. Perks as well she's from Omaha which is where my brother lives so totally convenient road trip. So we will see I'm not going to want it to much because then it will fall to pieces cause thats just what happens.

In other news. Still working on trying to finish the multiple commissions I have. I was really hoping to be done with that big one from this summer. I will be trying to finish coloring all the ones I have already drawn so I don't have to feel like I'm putting off the coloring part. The picture you see above here is based off a character my brother designed by hand as a sculpture. Totally envious of those leet skills For sure. Work goes really well and yosakoi is gaining many new members. Alls well right now lets try and keep it that way :D

Speak and I will listen

2009-08-19T02:34:00.000-05:00

Albert Schweitzer said, “In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.”

I have had many experiences in my life and I rarely regret any of them. The ones I do regret involve hate. I hated my old preacher for many years for the things he did to my family and only recently forgave him and allowed myself to let that hate go. It was so relieving I cried on the spot. Hates a heavy thing to carry around with you and something I won't let myself deal with from now on.

Anyway recently this within this year anyway I have had the pleasure of working with a guy named Andre He was pretty shy at work at first really didn't open up to anyone and for some reason he choose me when I asked about his tattoos sense I knew a bit about the meaning behind them. Surprised that anyone else in this town would know anything about the Wicca Religion we started talking about our different beliefs and recently thanks to a lot of things I've been reading I have come into contact with an interesting shift in my own beliefs. Not the core things mind you but a realization that the powers that be may be very wide and of many different varieties. So you can never fully discount some one's beliefs because to believe in something anything can make it true. For example we as Christians ask others to believe in what we believe without a great deal of solid support albeit we find what we can to shift reason to our side. But in other belief settings there are powers that are equally unexplainable with completely different beliefs and gods behind them.

So today Andre gave me a rock ... one of those polished stones you know. I just kinda stared at it not really knowing what to say when he explained that it was his personal Anahata stone it was used for healing and to relieve stress in the body and soul. He wanted me to have it for my kindness to him. He also told me he had made me a dream pillow... much the same as a dream catcher with native American lore. I can imagine. Being a big fan of dreams and especially lucid dreaming I was eager to learn more about the dreaming realm. And if a pillow could ward off the dreams of evil looking to find safe harbor in my mind so be it. Now I don't know if what I felt was real or a projection through my body based on my brief belief in his belief system but I felt energy in the stone he gave me. Weird but make you wonder just what can come from true belief.

Christianity has through prayers cured incurable and often terminal patients and what what I know about Wicca its done similar things. I don't know all I know is that my kindness has effected a man's life and his life in turn is affecting mine. Truly a benevolent heart and a kind gesture can grant you access to the depths of the human soul far faster than bribery or false promises. Trust, caring and faith remains a key to the human heart. may it lead me to great places and may I never regret my experiences.

The curses and blessings of life.

2009-08-14T18:26:00.000-05:00

Most people in this world strive to exceed excellence. I suppose I am the same but I must admit I'm usually content with the way my life goes. very relaxed not a lot of drama and with in my means. These last few weeks have been riddled with apathy, excitement, crushing financial blows, and random drama. So to start all this my mom whom is awesome sent me 800 bucks as a help you out in the future type of thing from surplus crop funds. That on top of the 1000 I got from a commission led me to get a new TV and surround sound system. And pay off a lot of my credit card debt all together at once. Got rid of one credit card. YAY! 2 more to go. Well right after all this getting ready to knock out another credit card with the money my mom sent me I got a bit of car trouble that came in the form of a Grand of damage... :'( So there went that 800 lucky for sure that my mom had just sent that money. Cherry's gone for a week thats kinda weird I haven't really gone that long without seeing her even if we aren't dating. She was due for a real adventure though. I have been somewhat apathetic this week mostly video games and art and tv Shows. i watched all of Season 2 of both burn notice and The Spectacular spiderman. These are both amazing shows that you all should check out.
Other than that still doing a bunch of commissions and really working on getting them done and upgrading my art in the process. Hence the picture up top one of my first successful waccom paintings of cthuhlu vs Hellboy hope you like it. Lastly getting caught in between a friendly fire end of relationship with two of your friends sucks. thats all bye now.

pepsi

Lonely Knights

2009-08-01T04:44:00.000-05:00

It's nights like this when the world comes crashing down. When you do all you can to smile and laugh because there is no reason not to. When all the roads you have walked are seeming to be taking you places and all you can concentrate is that your walking them alone. It's been 3 months sense I broke up with cherry and it was a good break. It was a break up that should have happened I know that in the dark recesses of my mind. But there was comfort in having someone there you know. In being able to fall asleep and wake up and see the person you love next to you. And as I lay awake in bed waiting for the sun to rise and my eyes to fall based on need of sleep alone It all blossoms into loneliness. Tonight she asked me if there was anything she could do to help. Take me back I thought but didn't mean or really believe in. Knowing still the decision was solid. The worst part was our relationship blossomed to become even stronger and yes that's not a bad thing. But I stop and think why couldn't that have been the way the relationship itself worked. Why did it feel so stagnated by the reality of the future. The impending doom at the dead end.

I'm a romantic I always have been I put myself fully into any relationship and yet I live in a college town where girls are just now “finding” themselves trying to figure out what they want in life which makes them all the more appealing and yet all the more subjective to whim. The singles scene is over laden with girls looking for the solid guys but they have blinders on for guys that just want to party and get drunk Or on the other end of that spectrum are the girls who are career lead, “oh I have no time for relationships now how about a hook up.” No investment, not love. Just to follow the feeling of pleasure to remind ourselves that we can feel it before we move on to the next thrill. I love Manhattan I truly do it's close to my family all of whom I care for deeply and have been nothing if not the greatest support system in my life. But this week which I admit has been a down week for me. Most of my friends too busy to hang out or out fo town and myself to self annihilating to leave the comfort of my pencil and paper. I've created more art in this week than in the last 2 months. Pushing myself to excel at it.. To met my own expectations in my world. Relying on the Lord of dreams to offer me the sanctuary in the arms of the girls I have loved and Lord Morpheus has done his part well, I fault him not for the feelings of loneliness when I stretch out in the morning to grasp at the wisps of dreams lost. Content to let the world spin as I unravel yet another predictable day. I am not disillusioned that I feel scorn for myself or self worth I know I'm the handsome young man my mom loves, the hot and ready devilish entrepreneur that can fulfill a girls desires and the artistic mind to challenge myself and wow those around me. I know where I need to go and I plan on getting there.

But weeks like these where I watch crushes walk on by without the courage to tell them my hearts truth or steal away my own drama in a friends listening ear for fear of burdening them with my own seemingly mundane problems. Its all to short this existence but you need to feel the lows to love the highs; something I told cherry tonight when she offered her ear for my troubles. Its a mourning period I had set aside for a raining day not wanting anyone to see just how fragile this giant can be. I love my real friends those that will always be there for me through thick and thin... my family of course cherry, amber, Nathan, CJ and others down that path that shifts and swings with the unrelenting chaos of time. I don't even know what or who I want right now I just know I'm walking down the right path to get there. I wonder if other people and I'm sure they do go through similar bouts with their subconscious mind, whom has been oddly supportive as of late leading to a much greater surge of confidence but a much greater realization of my own responsibility. I couldn't talk to cherry tonight not like I would have liked and thank you CJ for being there to let me sit and mope on your couch while watching a ridiculous road trip movie. Sometimes the easiest answer is to watch a really dumb funny movie.

But for now no worries my friends for every low there is a high and I'm an optimist so be sure it's right there around the corner waiting to bring me from these dark depths. Sometimes you just have to be patient. Mhm had to rain tonight. I love the rain, absolutely love it but as far as a downer mood misrepresent it fails magnificently. Much love to you all and to all a good night.

Into the dreaming again

2009-07-19T10:57:00.000-05:00

I was in the Dreaming realm again last night I had hoped to seek an audience with Ryan but these things are hard to time him being in another country with a different sleep schedule. I ended up instead in well it wasn't a nightmare in the whole of my life I never have remembered any more than like 3 of those. Morpheus has been good to me. But no this was more just an uncomfortable dream. Cherry and I were hanging out together and for some reason tweeker after tweeker kept coming in and just crowding us. I knew not where to go or what to do and all I wanted to do was just hang out with cherry and talk but they kept at us and finally they all departed and we were about to have a conversation when Karina a friend of mine called in the living plane. So I was whisked back to my reality just short of what ever the Dreaming wanted me to see. Funny how the things we want are always just out of reach in the Dreaming.

Speaking of the Endless I have nearly completed work on all of them only a few left to finish the group same with the Neverwhere crew. I have been in a huge Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchet swing lately all be it I'm reading Children of Hurin by JR Tolkien. In other news---

The single life in all it's glory is just as obnoxious. I suppose it wouldn't be so if everyone around me didn't have spring fever. So many of my friends are either hooking up or acquiring new loved ones dear to them. I don't know its like I need to jump into the fray and lay claim to a girl before I even know if we are compatible. Then again I don't really want to be with someone else its that damnable spring fling fever. Gets under your skin turns men green with envy as I found out in a hot tube this weekend when a co worker got rather hostile verbally when I seemed to be gaining head way with a girl he was interested in. Far be it from me to know his every whim. That's why I like the way me and what seems to be my new best friend CJ interact we know when one or the other has a shot and does the proper thing and supports the other. Although now he's found himself a young girl to take his head from him. sigh... I need to be there for someone I'm a giver and without someone to give to well I spoil myself. whatever life has always been good to me I'm sure it will all come around again be it love or lust. It was a blast getting all dolled up last night to go to the speakeasy party. Check out my pics on facebook I looked good :D

Lastly, smoking is bad for you. That's what I've been told. Yellows your fingers and teeth, gives bad breath and oh yeah cancer. Lastly something most don't it permanently burns out this thing in your throat that allows flim to drain down your through resulting in a cough or smokers hack. So many reasons no to but on the other hand it encourages social interactions. It gets people outside. I can't think of how many times I have seen some of the most beautiful star filled skies because I stepped out to have a smoke. It encourages generosity. A smoker will always give away smokes unless it's the last one in case no one will actually accept it even if offered. It does fuel a sense of relaxation after a hard day or a sexual encounter. Generally, its good. However I think after these last few I'll be quiting to often do I smoke more than I should and don't feel 100% the next day. So wish me luck. I don't think I'm really addicted but addicts always say that. lol. Just need to remember to buy gum.

ps starting a new comic with some friends check out the first panel it looks like it will be a fun project.

Experiance

2009-06-20T12:50:00.000-05:00

As we walk through this life we so often pass up the chance to truly experience moments with friends or families. We bait ourselves with excuses like I've got errands to run or things to do, or I don't feel like it and you stay at home and do what ever. It makes no sense to me. I deal with this a lot at home because my roommate constantly avoids going out and experiencing anything. Life is spoced to be one great experience and if we never engage in anything then aren't we wasting life. I'm not saying you should try and do everything anyone asks you to do but definitely with in reason. For instance I was spoced to hang out with my friend Nate last night but my other friends called me last sec to come hang out with them So I told Nate I needed to see them first by the time I got to Nate everyone else was just showing up. Worked out perfectly. Sometimes this catches me off guard I got to see my X the other night but it was right after work and I was super sweaty and smelly. Don't get me wrong I really enjoyed seeing her but I was definitely a little pungent for social activities and had wished I had taken a shower or brought a change of clothes right :d. In the end I just wanted to remind people to take the time to experience each other and not to always put things off till some other time. It will be worth it i promise. Don't always give yourself an excuse to leave early or even to not come.

pepsi

For the Moment

2009-06-11T13:11:00.000-05:00

So summer is in full swing and by the gods we are lucky it's still raining I really do hate the heat. We have used it to our advantage lately I have been swimming 3 times which is 2 more time than last year lol. Starting with and after the bars a trip to a friends parent's house to swim in their out doors pool which was WAY cold. Could see your breath out that evening so yeah didn't stay in that one too long. The very next day we took off for what we call Mock Summer where we go out to this secret place at the lake and start a camp fire and just hang out and swim in the surprisingly warm lake water. This year got a a little crazy lol lots of skinny dipping. Over all huge success. Went on to a house party a few weeks after that that most of the people I work with were at and went swimming in their apartment pool that night I was quite intoxicated that night and so kinda got my clothes really wet. What can ya do.

But this all circles the point I was going to make which is never pass up experience. If you have the chance to interact with people and experience new things even if they are weird and you are unsure about it. Get out their and try it. I live with a guy who never leaves the house swear to god he works gets off work comes home sleeps then goes back to work. That is not a life! He says "He's just not a people person". Man I did something like that one year just stayed in all the time never interacted with people. It was one of the most depressing years of my life. I have been doing my best to get my roommate out there and experience things. You just HAVE to remember that if at all possible never pass up any experience no matter how weird it might seems. Unless it could land you in the emergency room or a drug rehabilitation center. No one wants that. I mean even if it's bad you'll have a great memory of it. Looking back even some bad memories turned out to be life changing events. Everything we do and every choice we make steers us in a new direction and ultimately crafts out life road. To you want to be a straight road from birth to death no detours. Man I don't

ConGRADulations.

2009-05-23T13:27:00.000-05:00

I just found out I have a version of Gangstas Paradise in Korean lol how weird is that. In other news my friends are graduating again. I seem to always do these updates a week late. Oh well. My friends Nozomi, Saryinya, Jilliani, Chelsea and Ariana. My sister in law Priscilla, my cousin Peggy. All these people graduated and probably more that. Those are the ones I know about though. I went with my family to see the Masters Graduation sense that's where Priscilla was graduating from with a masters in Children's Lit. After that I ran around a lot saying congrats to all the people I knew who had graduated.

Then sprinted back out to my van and drove over to Priscilla's house for the after grad ceremony. She had made some amazing salsa... that's besides the point but it really was good :D. Her family decided to take us out for Harry's uptown made me dress up and everything and while I know I look damn good all dressed up I hate how tight ties can be around your neck. The food at Harry's was amazing it was the first time I had ever eaten there so I was super impressed and very thankful to the Vanderwhels for laying down moneys for it. I gave them 15 to cover my drink, dessert and tip i felt it was all I could do.

Later that night Cherry and I got super drunk with My Aunt and Uncle and peggy and Jared. It was fun and it was really good to get to hang out with family and party with them. Time seems to be passing faster as i get older so I'll treasure any time I get to spend with my family.

We were spoced to do Mock Summer that day but there was a lot of rain and a chance for a tornado so it got called off and rescheduled. I personally was kinda glad for this gives the lake a little time to warm up. Last yr it was Soooooooo cold. The next day even though i had to work in the evening I went to Ariana's grad party at her house. It was good to see Megan again and hang out with my friends family's. Always neat to meet the people responsible for who we are. Well that's about all working on a really big commission project so I'm going to get back to that now.

pepsi

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Now playing: Dj Doc - Gansta's Paridise (Korean)

Wicked fun right?

2009-05-18T17:18:00.001-05:00

So man I should have done this a while ago. Here goes. This update is about my trip to Omaha which i should have brought a camera for but didn't really take a whole lot of pictures took more with my phone I'll get those off sometime lol That aside I think it was last weekend I went off to Omaha for a Showing of the Broadway tour of Wicked. But first it was the weekend that most assuredly the best movie of the summer came out. Or at least the spring. Star Trek by JJ Abrams or however you spell his last name. Went to the midnight showing of that which was oddly at 9 oh well. After drenching myself in the awesomeness of that movie. I gave Cherry a call and she was at Mel's Tavern some band was playing so I figured why not go check them out. It was the CD release party for a band called pyschostick. This band was amazing and i don't ussually like metal music but their song just cracked me up. Well after the show they needed a place to stay so they basically crashed in my living room and aside from the crazy storm that night slept well. Having gotten 0 to no sleep that night I promptly got up early and went and gave plasma after hanging with Cherry for a bit and then it was off on a 3 hr road trip to omaha.
Keeping myself going with a steady stream of 5 hr energy drinks I managed to make it there without falling alseep. After getting there a little later than I meant to I met up with my parents and we all went to see Star Trek at the IMAX god lord that was an experiance I had to wait like 20 min before my eyes finally adjusted to the screen. Going back to stephen's dorm after that I got pulled over for speeding and given a ticket because the speed limit in Omaha is all sorts of wonky. But i was speeding and you can't argue what you were obviously doing.

The next day i made sure to sleep in as long as I could and then it was up and off to see Wicked this preformance was amazing to see live. I had heard all the music before but it just didn't do the production justice to see it all happening before you from the time clock dragon to the high flying wizard defying stunts of the leading green lady. All of it was definately worth it. i was sad that Cherry had to miss it. But she did win best kiss at the Manhattan TAP awards. So cheers to her. After the play we went out to eat but I just wasn't feeling it as far as staying in Omaha so I drove on home and met up with Cherry, Caitlin, Ariana, and Chelsea. Had a few at the bar laughed and went on home for a much needed rest that wasn't on a dorm couch.

All for now catch you again soon.

New Art

2009-05-05T19:28:00.000-05:00

Chuck and Sara Marshel

Samus Justin baily

A wolrd with no shoes

2009-04-28T04:04:00.000-05:00

Night time is when it all seems to come crashing down on you. The loneliness and the absence. The other night cherry told me how it feels like your living in a world with out shoes having known what it was like to wear shoes before. Sure you can do it but it's just not as comfortable and or easy. As odd a statement as that was it made total sense to me. We went for a drive that night and I took her out to observation point. It was sprinkling at the time and the rain was on and off. It was none the less perfect. We laughed, we cried we remembered all the times we had that we loved so much. We weighed our options and we leveled with each other. We held one another and we danced. We are as close as friends can be and really this is all for the better. Our relationship was coming between our friendship and we both knew that at this time we had an expiration date. It will go down as one of the most memorable times i have ever had with Cherry and I am picking that memory over the moment in her kitchen as our true break up. As the moment we dedicated ourselves to be there for one another and to always be open and honest. Sure I wish i could have taken her out to that spot sooner in a happier time but that night just felt right. That spot can be so calming and just seems to I don't know I just know it has power. I will miss the relationship we had the comfort of someone to hold at night. Things may never be the same but this is a new chapter in both our lives. As the gods write our parables we will stride further down our paths and be there to comfort and to call upon each other. I love Cherry and a part of me always will. Neither one of us wanted to leave that night we just wanted to stop and hold each other until everything just spun around us. With my freeze ray I'll Stop the world. With my freeze ray I'll find the time... time to find the words to tell you how... how you make me feel. Like a fool, kinda sick special needs... anyways. I love you.
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Now playing: drhorribleLaundryday
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Now playing: Alanis Morissette - Everything
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Now playing: Repo! the Genetic Opera SOUNDTRACK - I Didn't Know I'd Love You So Much
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Time to decide what we really want.

2009-04-25T21:47:00.000-05:00

It's a reality that's killing me. To love someone and know them so well that you know that until you both figure out who you want to be and where your priorities lay you may never truly be together. Cherry and I have broken up. It came to be over something so simple and yet ultimately so big. We realized we were starting to resent each other for aspects of each of our characteristics. So it seemed our relationship was hurting our friendship. It's times like that that make you stop and either work on it and come back or push through and further damage the relationship. We didn't want to tear ourselves anymore. We had a similar break earlier this yr and it only put a band-aid on certain things. I love Cherry so much and I know she loves me too. So we'll have to see how things play out in the future. She really needs to focus on her classes and I don't know what I want. Right now I just feel lost. I hope and pray that this will strengthen our friendship and maybe our relationship. I would rather have a true friendship though than a bitter relationship. I haven't talked to my last girlfriend sense she moved out. That's a relationship that ended badly and I refuse to let this one end the same. Cherries become my best friend and I don't want to lose that. She means the world to me.

Dance you fool

2009-04-22T20:03:00.001-05:00

So I'm going through another apparent style change in art. Basically i just wanted to try something new and that something new was pretty much what you see above. I'm honing my craft so expect to see better rendering in the future. In non art news 13 months in just around the corner for Cherry and I and the day after that is Ariana's B-day were having a PJ party. Oh how we college kids love our theme parties. The big Japanese Festival will be this weekend too. where yosakoi will be preforming twice i believe. Really looking forward to seeing the story teller again. All these morning shifts are really starting to get to me I desperately need to sleep in for some reason I can't get to sleep at night I have been drawing like crazy; much to the horror of my hand which seems to be sore a lot lately. On a recent drawing I got to use these pens my mom got me for Christmas and they worked perfectly Had I not been in a rush i probably would have used them better but i just used the largest and made sure I worked the tip with the light pressure for thin lines instead of getting a smaller pen. Looking forward to posting the result. Next up Bowling with friends see you all next to the 9 pin ;)

I will get to wear that funny hat again.

2009-04-11T11:01:00.000-05:00

Wow it's been quite a while sense I last did a journal. So lets see has there any dramatic change in my life that would warrant a new journal i ask myself aside to post new art. Well currently I'm going through all my music on my computer and getting rid of any I don't really like. Yeah not too epic.

Carlos the place I work closed down on Tuesday because a transformer blew up underground and we were without power for the first part of the day. That was pretty cool cause I didn't really have to work. Me and the rest of the managers and the main boss just sat outside and hung out for like 3 hrs waiting for the power to come back on.

My friend Caitlin turned 22 got a little drunk at her party luckily my GF was there to take good care of me. i mean i rarely get drunk so its always weird to me when it happens. I got to see a pre-screening of the New wolverine move. It was ok I really wish it had been a movie based souly on Deadpool. What can you do though. Those Hollywood types are dumb.

But I'd say most importantly is the fact that I will be graduating from MCC finally. Turns out all I have to do is change my major up and I will be ready to go. I won't have to take any classes or do any christian service I'll just walk across the stage and receive my diploma and that may also include a minor I still have to see about that. But how awesome is that. All this would not have been possible had it not been one for my own laziness because this is a new degree that only this Jan became available. But most importantly my GF Cherry who has very subtly pushed me to success. It's her that had me opt to become a supervisor at Carlos O Kellys, She has pushed me to be more professional in my art and dealing with people. She has convinced me to wear underwear more often and Now she has definitely prompted my return to scholastic. I was actually going to take classes to finish until they told me I was done lol. So here's to you my dear thanks for all the good things you bring about in my life. I know I know everyone around me things I basically am the luckiest guy ever. weird huh. What ever see you all later.

I have picked up a new DSi it's basically a mod killer. To stop all the pirateing of DS games. So i kept my old DS to ply and or try out games first and then I'll use the new one for the games I plan on playing alot. It also can access the net albeit not very well. low memory kinda sucks. It have a way cool camera feature. All in all it will come in really handy in the moment sense i ussually carry my DS and not a camera. I have ordered a new camera too thought. Its a new powershot

yosakoi

2009-04-03T21:08:00.000-05:00

For yosakoi

Thus concluded one year

2009-03-26T00:54:00.000-05:00

Hard to believe that it's been one whole year. Cherry i think was more amazed at this than I. It wasn't an unusually romantic nights. More relaxing than anything else. We started the day off by sleeping in. I tell you this is an amazing way to start any day. Afterward we roused ourselves and went off to rent a movie after deciding not to go to the theater. Feeling a bit hungry seeing as we had slept through both breakfast and lunch we had gone to one our favorite restaurants and of course had out favorite waitress and eat heartily. Feeling very full and very happy, we went back to my place and watched one of the three movies we had rented called Lean on Me. It had Morgan Freeman in it and was just a marvelous movie that was definitely all Morgan Freeman.
After that we got to hang out with a married couple named Dallas and Cat Love. Dallas being my roommate. We thought about playing Apples to Apples. But we ended up using the red cards as things to play charades. After that we thought about watching a movie with Dallas and Cat and Cherry said we should watch the one I rented. I really hadn't expected to watch that with any one but Nathen because its a guilty pleasure for me and him sense it's obviously a bad B movie. It was funny but definitely not something we should have watched, i give cherry mad props for actually staying with it for the whole movie lol. This movie being " My name is Bruce" with Bruce Campbell afterward to get that wonderful movie out of my GF's head we watched the office till we fell asleep. Perfect day :D Much love to my dearest Cherry and our one year mark.

What about Work

2009-03-17T00:23:00.000-05:00

Working can be hell. Can't imagine how any job no matter what it is even if it's something you really wanted to do could be hell. Sometimes I feel working at what you want to do is almost worse. Then you are expected to do what you love on a schedule. For now art is what I love. I do commissions on the side for a little extra cash. This comes in super handy sometimes and others you end up getting stiffed not that it costs me anything but time. This is still for the most part on my terms. I choose the time and I always give myself enough time to finish so nothing is to difficult and that way I'm wonderfully happy with it. So i choose to be a supervisor at a wanna be Mexican restaurant... So many people say they want so badly to get out of their job, town, or what ever but to go where. So long as i can do art for myself and get enough time to read I'm happy. Pleased as punch i am. The best part about where I work is the people i work with so much fun and you can always tell when someone just works and someone won't fit in all all. I have never felt like I have wasted my life I really enjoy what i do because i do what I like and i do it for me. I have many friends to share these times with, a love to hold, and a family to fall to whom i know will always be there and love me. Life is intrinsically good. I could be doing anything and it wouldn't matter so long as I'm happy. Really that's what is truly important. Sometimes it goes up others down but it's ok it all seems to work out in the end. So here's to more wonderful experiences with my friends and family.

Dream journal big bang

2009-03-13T10:40:00.000-05:00

It was as close a family as you would ever have and yet we all seemed to travel in many different vehicles. Always spreading out across a city when we got there to that it felt more like visiting each other when we left to run into each other. We were a talented group of performers and that's how we earned our way in the world. To explain the kind or performances we did I wouldn't call us a circus act but we had our own appeal. This evening was about my eyes witnessing something so beautiful and yet so destructive. The horror of the unknown and the unexpected. The day seemed like a jumble of craziness I and my brothers were getting ready for bed at the time and the weirdest thing was we looked out into the night sky and saw these two bright streaks of light in the distance like shooting starts. Here's where my mind throws me for a loop we all yell for our mother to come check out this amazing spectacle and when she gets there the streaks in the sky were all that was left. All of us were really excited to have seen such bright shooting stars. Until we heard the concussion blast. The worst part was we knew people in that part of the city. A bright inferno rose up into the sky so high that the night seemed to turn to day I remember looking at the sky thinking wow its nearly blue skies. The second object must have been smalled for the fiery cloud didn't match the first but our vehicles were rocked and blasted with debris. Altogether having seen tornado's and other natural disasters this one really kinda stunned me. Although that sense of dread flowed through me I was ok My family was still safe and I had them because in the end family is what matters.

I still woke up and nearly fell outa bed after having that dream though lol . Wordie

Shoulda listened

2009-03-12T03:04:00.000-05:00

I have nearly been with Cherry for a yr and as that mark approaches I realize now that I have a head as think as steel sometimes. We have had our share of troubles and while she thinks she's to blame on many of them I have been recently learning that it might have something to do with me not listening. Sometimes, even when I am trying to be... well do things for her it could be things she doesn't want at all. Hell sometimes the best thing to do is just let things be and give some space. As I have looked at many relationships it has been said over and over again that it comes down to conversation and how well you can read your partner. No amount of sex, good times and or commonality can make up for a deaf ear. I am not stupid, nor am I unable to change. Especially, now that I have really started listening. Don't get me wrong I still screw this up. Sometimes, it can take a bit of time to understand when I need to really listen and when we are merely being playful. First off is tonality. When she wants me to really lets say; "let a subject drop" or do something she has asked. She'll adopt a different tone in her voice. This is something I would do well to memorize. Her eyes too. It takes a great deal of time to be able to read any one's eyes. But when I should be listening; my loves eyes change or at least it's very subtle. Small things like this and like Her entire countenance stiffening. These should all be bell ringers. Much like a man though I get my own idea and miss some of these blatant hints thrown my way and charge off head strong to do my own thing. This becomes exceedingly confusing when I get into this gotta fix it mode. If I do something wrong and I know it I get really determined to make whatever I did right by any means possible. Never even hearing the "never mind" or "it's ok" I have a tendency to blow things out of proportion. One of my lesser attributes I promise. You are helping me see the folly in such actions when easily not necessary. So I ask you my love to bear with me sometimes while I learn to better listen to you. "We," are important to me and I'll keep my senses on alert to better judge situations in the future so as to not fall victim to another situation I could have avoided had I just listened.

pepsi

Dearest February I will remember you fondly!

2009-03-03T21:51:00.000-06:00

Wow Feb. Was quite a month. Lets see It marked the end of Cherry and I's break, The Anniversary of our first ever meeting the start of a new play for Cherry to be in, The arrival and subsequent hanging out I got to do with my brothers and mother, A super hero party, the bed, Cherry's Birthday, and our 11 month marker for being together. So lets see if I can blog a bit and do it all justice.

The end of the break well that was what it was it was really kind of un-spoken we just started hanging out again. I feel a few conversation lead to this but between the two of us we have really been doing well. Our relationship is really more passionate and caring than before and I do my best to give her the space and independence she needs and she allows me my creative times as well. Our Partnership is much more understood I think. Anyway on to much more delightful news.

Cherry and I first met at Ella house. While I would not consider it favorable for me romantically that night... it was none the less fortuitous that I came across her. She was as always beautiful. Sporadic and spontaneous in her own way. She had me puzzled to begin with a puzzle I hope to always work on and finish much later in life. Anyway I was the least of her concerns that night and we both being flirts did our fair share with any passing fancy and we both passed a fancy for each other and that was about all. Still it was by right our tale of origin. So we celebrated it. The party was fun I ended up comforting a friend who fell on ill times. But what can ya do. The party also turned out to a be a kinda second cast party for Cherry's play... Intimate Apparel. The first being at my place very impromptu the night before. That was also fun but with many less people. Both events ended well.

The next two things happened all at once. Chery's birthday party where she turned 22 and my family congregating in Manhattan. Quite epic indeed. My mother whose passion is buying cute and lovable cards for people made Cherry's work day with a card and we had pizza. Taking the night off souly for her we went out to the bars and hung out for a while with after hours events at our friends house. We had a blast and it was good to get us all together again our work schedules have been keeping us apart lately. The next day I spent mostly with my brother Stephen, his friend Andrew and GF Karlynn. Where I missed him falling down a hill and busting up his whole body trying to long board. What ever were Mizells the scars on our body tell the story of our life lol. Later that day I had my now crippled brother help me get a new bed. Something I have needed to do for ohhhhhhhh 7 yrs lol. Mine was... well... I kinda slept on the floor. I got a decent deal on a bed and have now slept very well sense. Anyway the getting it home was the most interesting part as the Wind Gods decided to play games with it.

That Monday was our 11 month Sadly we barely got to hang out due to scheduled conflicts but the time we did spend together was good we actually spent it putting together costumes for The Super hero night at Auntie Mae's Parlor. Good lord that was a blast we even got my roommates Nate and Dallas out of the house. Cherry and I of course stayed home ;) too much excitement you see. But two dashing super hero types that looked a lot like us were seeing having a blast Clod and Frizz.

Lastly I would like to make a special note on something that has become a Thursday habit for my GF and I. We get some wine, she picks out an interesting book... although I'm picking next time lol. And we coozie up to a roaring fire, drink a little wine, and take turns reading to each other in a dimly lit room. This as fast become one of my favorite nights of the week based primarily on this one event. Seems it will always be the small simple times I spend with my love that will matter the most I hope this new tradition will continue as long as we can.

Well wow that was way to much i should update here more often See you all next time.

Lines on the Road

2009-03-03T21:32:00.000-06:00

LINES ON THE ROAD

There it stands before me and them
Sometimes 2, sometimes 1, and others just dashes
I counted you when I was but a child
You were the invisible gate
A line to determine our origins and our endings
As I aged I realized your importance
I realized what negligence to your rules meant
I tested the waters anyway swaying ever closer to danger
Legally you allow us to cross at times
At our own peril; at speeds to conquer
But even our brief trips were governed
A slight slip and the consequences were great
What lay just across your invisible wall
I can see it all and yet I cannot access it at length
Just to touch that freedom
To tear from the lines governing my life
To experience chances with fate
It is not rational. NO!
However, I still have these desires
Cross my double line
Steal away the possibility to coast safely
To find a new ending sooner than my destination
A double line to determine our origins and our endings
A flashing light to re direct
A piercing sound to bring me back to reality
Alas a monitory increment to remind me of my frailty
A new cage constructed in my mind locked with a slip of yellow
A new destination at a time to be determined
Freedom so close slips away again
Stolen by the double line
Stolen by the enforcers of civility
These urges pass
I return to the right and drive on
Ever wary of the intangible wall
The dark tunnel of night
Facing down your end in two high beams

-saintpepsi-

One Year.

2009-02-17T01:51:00.000-06:00

Well it's been one year sense I first laid eyes on Cherry. It was of course at an Ella house Anti- Valentines day party. I had been going to parties at ella for... Wow! 2 years at that point I think Hell! I knew them before they even moved to ella. I meet Holly on DA when she was still engaged to Jimbo. This night was something special for me and I look back on it fondly. I hadn't expected to fall for anyone. I think at that point I had given up trying to find a partner. Ussually, that's when these things happen. Not that our relationship blossomed right then. There was I must say a spark though. Off hand I spoke to her a few times she was new and exciting to the ella scene. With hair untamed and wild; easily a characteristic shared by her whole spirit. Still shared I might add. She loved to dance and spin and sing and at one point fell into my lap on the comfy couch in their basement. We just kinda cuddled up there together. Started talking more and I was drawn to her she was so intoxicating. I have never been a big drinker but my head was spinning with the attention from this new girl. She told me her name was Candy. Thinking back... a fake alias was just another perk; had we not been interupted I truly believe we would have ended up at least kissing that night. What would that have changed for how the rest of our relationship went. Sometimes I wonder. However, it grew late and I had to work the following day so I bid them all farewell except for the mysterious candy and went on my way. She too had disapeared. When I got home i set to find the girl who stole my breath away. Finding not Candy in the parties Attending list but Chay Rae while I was sure she told me her name was Candy the picture didn't lie and her hair was un mistakably hers. So I added her on Facebook and sent her a message regretting that I had not said a proper goodbye to her. After a bit a surprised reply in that I had found her and she wished I hadn't left so early she had wanted to give me a goodnight kiss. Well my crush jumped up a few notches after that for sure. It has been an interesting trek after that sprinkled with a bit of perserverance, friendly drama, and me playing a tride and true gentleman until on a sunny Easter day she would say yes to my question of relationship. Wow! One year I have known my wonderful Cherry and that's one year I'll admit was very well spent. She's changed my life and I think the world of her. Even though she thinks I'm crazy for loving her the way I do. She is and will always be worth it. Here's to us my love one year sense we first met.

How we know all of you

2009-02-12T00:00:00.000-06:00

How I see you...

Who are you?

You are everyone I have ever met.

I see you for who you chose to show me.

I understand this is the only way to know you at first.

A mask to test the water and see if it's luke warm.

The more I get to know you the deeper my sight becomes.

I see past the careful form fitting face you adopted for this situation.

New facets arise and surface with remarkable clarity.

Sometimes, you aren't someone I want to know; your soul reaks of hate.

Other times you are surprisingly fun. A shining light you only show those closest too you.

You are everything you want me to see.

You dance in a whirlwind of colors and distracting gestures.

You are shy, out going, boisterous, rude, benevolent, cruel, loving, and mysterious.

Until you show me who you really are how can I truly know you.

You show your self unconsciously sometimes; a wince or a nod betray your true feelings.

A smile can say many things you know, and your eyes even more.

You are my friend and foe.

You are my heroe and my villian.

You are everyone I know.

You are everything i know.

I don't know if I would call this a poem, kinda feels like one. I was just thinking about all my friends and people I know and how well I know them. Some could have me easily fooled others I have come to know far to close for them to lie to me. It's strange sometimes to finally break that barrier we all put up, that mask we show the world. The front we allow others to see without letting our true selves out thinking them to frail. The worst is when you finally understand that someone you have known for a decent length of time is a total stranger. I am happy to have been allowed into a trust with Cherry getting to know her more is a new adventure and I relish the experience. She is blossoming before me her many facets only deepening my affections for her. Although sometimes confusing and disorienting I have strived to always see her side of things and understand her better. This is the nature of any relationship. To know someone better; I wonder to all of you out there how well do I really know you. Which of your many masks do you show me or am I so privileged to see the real you. I consider it an honor if that's the face I truly see. It's never easy releasing the control we have to show others the self we want them to see. Sometimes, ultimately necessary though. To all my friends I love you all and thank you so much for allowing me to know you better. To those who flaunt their masks so rigid and formless before me the frosting on a rotting cake, soul filled with disdain and hate. You await the hammer it will crack your visage soon enough and what will you be left with but the now empty shell you hid from the world.

Intimate Apparel

2009-02-06T13:30:00.000-06:00

So I went to the opening night of Cherry's Play Intimate Apparel, The characters in this play really shown. Their talents clearly visible with their portrayals. Obviously I was focused on my love the lead. Her whimsical and yet reserved nature causing me to smile often and yet hurt even more for her when she is cast aside by the man that should love her more than any. It was a beautiful emotional ride. Highs and lows, happy moments and moments of ghastly loss. You see whom her real friends turn out to be and whom she can truly trust. They have her all bundled up in a pretty large dress for the majority of the play which is all the more amazing when it is shed for a moment to reveal her bodies true beauty hiding secretively beneath. The different levels of her character are shown with how she interacts with each of the characters. With Mr Marks whom is very reserved and religiously not allowed to touch her she feels a forbidden fruit esq bond. And they share similar affinities for fabric, With the upper class white lady played by my friend Ashley Kings she feels almost slavish yet still goes to her for help with the letters. Her land lady and mother figure shines with the voice of reason for the play but how often love can be blinding, and her best friend the harlot that she designs her intimate apparel for truly show how she wouldn't judge a friend no matter what she does for a living. Although thanks to the presence of George the new man in her life her would is thrown Topsy turvy her friends and confidants all seem to fail at the wrong times and she gives up everything for the hope of happiness. The story is wonderfully portrayed and I was so impressed and nearly speechless to see my dear pull it off. She was something to behold. I know this play was very draining on her but in a great way she made it work out and i think lately we have even come closer because of it. To you my love you deserve all the praise I could lavish on you. I'm so proud of you and love you so much.

How I Read

2009-02-03T20:10:00.000-06:00

So I read in one of three ways; one of which most would not consider to be reading but those people also like eating mushrooms... ewwwwww Anyway, When I can I like to read in a place with things going on around me. For instance at a bar, restaurant, or coffee shop I find the healthy amount of distraction allows me to concentrate better. I have one of those ADD minds I guess you could call it. Usually, I have to multitask and reading is something that you have to do one at a time. For instance when I draw I draw and watch tv, movies, whatever, check things online what ever I can but ultimately I focus on drawing. So when I read and have things going on around me it allows a portion of myself to focus on things around me while the rest focus' on reading. Sounds weird but its actually one of the most fool proof ways I have found... I tried walking and reading at the same time but it's cold out for one and two I tripped a lot. So that's way out.

Way two is if I have to in an easy chair in my living room with a reading light, Fire place lit (optional - if I want to take the effort to get it going) With a knit blanket my mother gave me for Christmas... (by the way mom that blanket is sooo awesome!!!) Leaning back with a bottle of water at my side and if I'm lucky a granola bar or something easy to munch on that won't trek from my fingers to the pages. After getting that all set up I put on some music. Now I have the scores to many different types of movies. These I find to work the best... For instance if you are reading a swords ans sorcery book listen to LOTR, POTC, Harry Potter, Narnia tales any of those work or if you reading sci-fi like when I read Ender's Game, the scores to Battlestar Gallactica, star wars, Star Trek I mean pick your poison they all work just find commonality with your themes. I personally am a big fan of swords and sorcery my favorite author is David Farland, Recently, I finished C. Paolini's third book Brisingr that my mom got for me It was very good defiantly looking forward to the next one in that series. Currently, I'm reading the third book in the Wayfinders Redemption series by Sara Douglass. The picture at the top is from Brisingr of Eragon. Usually, with the fire and the music it allows me to concentrate pretty well although the comfort of being at home makes it very easy to fall asleep.

Lastly, this one being the one most will probably assume isn't really reading but I feel I get through a book anyway and can multitask at the same time is... Audio books, I'm about to finish up the Dark Tower series all of which I listened too on audio book. This is only ever bad if they get a really annoying voice actor or change from a good voice actor to a different one in the middle of a series. Either way I also like listening to books. Usually, I will listen to books on long road trips if I'm by myself or when I am at home and coloring in pictures as digital coloring is also a job that requires focus and a lack of multi-tasking. two birds one stone right. Usually, I listen to series that I don't feel I would have gotten around to reading. Sometimes if a series is really good after I finish listening to it I will go buy the hard back. Which by the way is a must. If you can find a hard back copy always buy that. they are way better that paperback. Smell better too. To the people who read this how do you like to read?

pepsi

Christian Zombie Vampire

2009-02-01T22:01:00.000-06:00

Something my friend Tim wrote and I wanted to share cause it made me laugh

........wouldn't it be funny if Van Helsing stopped his hunting of the vampire-- and out of respect spent the rest of his life fighting for the preservation of the species because their food sources are becoming less and less available? He would probably start a reservation to closer keep a track on the dwindling numbers.
Of the few virgins that are left in the world...most just don't want to wander on up to those creepy castles anymore. and with the growing violence on the streets you won't often find your next meal, and more often then not they are either armed with a rape whistle or packing some "heat". both of which can cause you serious trouble.
The only vampire culture that is currently sustaining itself are the ones that hang around in rich, white, suburban areas that line most cities in the united states. They actually are doing quite well. They blend in with the goth and emo niches that mainly populate those areas, and the most important factor is that vast majority of them fit the vampires eating criteria.
A large portion of vampires look down on those "urban modernists" anyway, and van helsing won't even recognize them as true vampires in the first place. He misses the old days where you could count on your enemy to give you a decent hunt. He is quoted as saying that he will leave the vampires in the States "to those young tattooed punks with their crazy gadgets."

-

Heres a real thought from me----- Nosferatu and Dracula from Bram Stoker are the types of vampires that i dig. screw the blade stuff. blood blobs and dumb unoriginal tattoos and raves and all. and for the love of god if you are going to have a vampire story, quick making the main character half human half vampire.....
LOVE
-Tim

Isn't he great

pepsi

Not there

2009-01-31T23:26:00.000-06:00

Not there because I was there to much before. Its amazing how something I once thought was spontaneous and romantic turned into an easy to predict and worse to expect thing. At a time I used to assume showing up to surprise your GF at work was cute and made her feel loved. After a while though it gets to feeling like your always watching over her. Something I've come to better realize over our break. Something I should have realized long ago. The worst part for me is now I know she's going through hard times and I can't be there for her to hold her hand and let her know she's not alone. I have let her know I am here for her and will love her when I see her. Sometimes its just hard. But better still the Demons are gone. No more at night am I haunted by the insecurities of my past. I have been fervently reassured that I am loved. I know it to be true. So it's easier to fall behind the veil of sleep. This has always been a pretty hard problem for me I mean this goes way back. Being a social outcast and yet apparently not when I ask other people. lol I always thought I was For some reason I have horrible self esteem and have a fear of being alone. Maybe that's why I clung to tightly to cherry. She like many of my friends have said to me that people light up when I go places that whole rooms exclaim their joy at seeing me and I get hugs and great responses. I guess I've looked down on myself so long that I never took the time to look though other peoples eyes and see me the way they do. So that's my fight against the demons that I have. May I vanquish them all with a little help from my friends. :) To you Cherry once again i am here for you and love you. hug!

pepsi

And another Week

2009-01-29T02:06:00.001-06:00

So this is the second week of Cherry and I's break I'd have to say this week is defiantly harder having rarely seen her for so long really kinda makes me lonely, add to that I'm kinda sick at the least I have a head cold nothing to bad. Still, I do miss her smile and touch. But so I hear tell she's been able to focus very well on her play and studies so far and better still has not gotten sick. So I'll tuff it out till the end and keep on loving her from a distance. Tonight while having hit a a drawing block and just watching Cheers then coloring pictures I had drawn before hence the one above. Which by the way is one of my favorites now :D. I decided I need a change of venue. I had always been very social with Cherry and I guess the lack of that socialness was waning on my creativity. So I went to Mae's for a few drinks and to hopefully get over my art block and focus on Forced Perspective. Which for the first hr I did after that I did face shots of Jimbo, Megan, Lindsay and Adel. I got to be Jimbo's wing man for the night which succeeded awesomely I might add. Other than that work is good just the usual and I've been reading a lot more lately. Can't wait to re start American Gods by Neil Gaiman. Or maybe the amazing copy of Lord of the Rings Cherry got me for Christmas either way excited to be reading again. Well to Cherry I love and miss you and can't wait to see you. To the rest of you till next time... Keep Creating.

Pepsi

10 month

2009-01-24T17:38:00.000-06:00

Still on a bit of a break but much better in terms of a relationship. Cherry and I had our 10 month where I cooked for her and even though I promised I wouldn't make her anything weird. Well I still did. I made curry, rice and sea food. It was good and scary cause some of the things had eyes and looked at me. Seriously I can't eat food that's looking at me. I also got her orange roses. We had a magnificent night even watched the Goonies lol.

pepsi

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

2009-01-22T12:44:00.000-06:00

So in the recent future Cherry and I are taking a break from each other. Mainly, she has too much on her plate and I dominated most of her spare time. Basically, leaving no time for her to have for herself. Now during this time where she is working, has class, and has play practice. You can see why her free time would be so precious. So we agreed to step back from each other. I personally have too much free time so I have never really had to sacrifice my ME time which was something at the time was hard for me to understand. After a long talk she helped me understand how little space she really had and time for herself which for anyone is important. SO for now we are both stepping back and looking at our relationship with fresh eyes it will be interesting to see how our partnership will develop from here. I hope for the best I really do love Cherry and have loved the times we have had. I hope this deepens our understanding of each other and how better to interact without being too overbearing.

In other news I have started doing Wii Fit again and plan on losing weight I have become lackadaisical again and have grown very self conscious about my weight a man of my height should be at 230 lbs for a healthy living plan i am at 300. This to me is well unacceptable so I have recently cut out a lot of fatty foods. At work I have recently due to supervisor status been allowed free meals while working. This will get me back into a normal diet plan basically eating regularly and they have the option of salads and a light menu which I will take advantage of. I have after a conversation with my friend Adam found out something about liquer and it's adverse affects on weightless. Apparently the liver has a lot to do with fat breaking down and if it's working on breaking down alcohol its not working on the fat not to mention your body absorbs liquid calories faster where beer and mixed drinks are especially harmful, So I'm going to cut back on drink as well as smoking. Time to treat my body like a temple. Here are some references for the drinking facts. Click the LINK and this LINK.

Also Leslie is back, my dear friend Leslie she came over the other night and told me of her extensive adventures. And just listening to her tale unfold and how she went after her dreams so fervently I fully intend to do the same. I have known for sometime that I have started to plateau in my art and I need to push myself especially in the area of forced perspective. Leslie also told me of times that I have similarly shared where such simple moments can make times of great challenge come back to perspective. The complex beauty of the world around us can so often bring us back to a simple understanding that we can doe it and to just breath deep and stop worrying so much.. To truly trust ourselves that we have everything we need at our disposal to make our lives wonderful.

So in general this is a full time of rejuvenation... For Cherry and I, my art, for my lungs and for my over weight body. I plan on doing my best to make it all work out right. I've got my fingers crossed.

In the smallest amount of time

2009-01-16T01:24:00.001-06:00

So Me and my GF Cherry took time out of her busy schedule to watch a movie called Cash back. It's really this interesting tale of an art student who lost love and found love but it deals alot with these moments that so many things can happen in. As brief as a second but unless you live your life just right with no regrets you may find yourself in a disturbing moments indeed. Today I cooked for my love and we cuddled up and watched a movie. This is a moment I will Cherish. It wasn't overly intimate, nor extreme in nature just simple and lovely. To spend time holding the girl I love. To spend time loving her was altogether wonderful. You just enter a state of peace and the world ceases to exist around you. If this is love and I think it is then I am thoroughly pleased. We are coming up on a year Cherry and I and she looks just as beautiful if not more so with my more educated knowledge on her likes, dislikes, annoyances and favorite things about me. I feel our relationship is truly blossoming. Here is to you my dear my you have long days and pleasant nights.

pepsi

New Years and New Trust

2009-01-13T02:19:00.000-06:00

What a New year it's been and it started will a bang. Had two big commissions. One being the picture above here the other below being one for a friend of mine Gabe's friends. As far as New years go I had to work that day and so did Cherry. So I caught up with her at like 10 till 10 and convinced her to come to the Ball drop in Aggie ville because I had a connection that got us backstage passes for the Eve 6 show. Oddly enough in the middle of the ville they had sectioned off aka barricaded this large part right in front of the stage so only people with VIP tickets could get in there plus admittance to Varneys where they were serving beer and liqueur and tiny delicious food. Plus most importantly on that oh so cold night a warm place to stand and an available bathroom. Eve6 being a great band. Played right up till the ball drop which in Manhattan is spoced to be a little apple but really it looks like a strawberry. Then after kissing the girl I love as the clock hit midnight. We walked back to her house and were joined by a crowd of people. So her place risking a collapse went to another persons house for after hrs. where I wrestled with a German Thai- jitsu master with dread locks. I know crazy huh. So that was basically New Years.

This month I have had to give up two very important things. One was the time I spend with Cherry she's in a new play called Intimate Apparel . This unfortunately means I rearely get to see her because when she's not at play practice she either working on homeowrk for the play or at work or trying to catch up on sleep.. Guess I'll have to deal till Feb. The other is a dear friend Marco has left us for another state and possible his home country of Taiwan. We celebrated both at my place and at pool hall where i became far gone on many drinks. Had a safe way home though so no worries folks. I'm still alive. I hate to see friends go though always sad especially the good ones. Although me and his best friend Patrick have been hanging out more. Today we went and got Korean food in Junk town, came back and he kicked my ass at bowling although I was doing pretty good towards the end then we created a new and startling drinking game with a kids toy call poke the pirate lol.

Had a really powerful weekend with Cherry when we collided on two front over two problems we had been icing over and both of us looked at our relationship anew. Mine stems with trust issues with her and past relationships making me often times overly paranoid. Hard thing to get over sometimes let me tell you. but after talking about it for a few hrs I have decided she needs to be trusted and I can't hold that from her because of a few bad apple experiences from my past. She deserves my full trust and as a friend of mine Jeremy said if you can't trust your partner 100 percent then its not worth sticking with it. So I made up my mind she was worth staying with and there for I have to give her full trust. Issues and all. I've been over analysing things far to long time to put my faith in someone for sure. She something wonderful and I don't ever want to lose her. This almost year has been amazing and I have been so happy. I know she has loved it as well sure we have ups and downs but that's relationships for you it working through those things to know a person better that truly bonds you. I want to know her as best I can. I can't wait to see her play... Everyday I find new reasons to love her. today's. reason the smile and laugh at my oddities while bowling or her determination to beat me at air hockey.

PS... Me and Cherry are going to try and quite smoking. Wish us luck.

Chrstmas 08

2008-12-30T15:54:00.000-06:00

Lets talk about Christmas for it is as always a festive time of year. This year more so I thought because I got to really introduce my Gf Cherry to it. She really had never celebrated a Christmas before. I found out then that explaining a National tradition that is unique based on each family is a hard thing to do. To me it was just second nature. To her it was completely new. I never thought I would have to explain Christmas Stockings. I mean from an outside point of view that is just weird. Yeah! we hang socks over the fire place. O.o But we had great meals fun gifts and good times between the whole family. I got a lot of books. The new Harry Potter thing, Two buffy Comic books, Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, and a Vampire mystery book, I also got The peacemaker Toy from Trigun... It's awesome, Boom Blocks for Wii and Two different piggy banks on a pirate pig and the other a maze. I wish my family lived closed than they do I love seeing them and hanging out with them. They are all great fun. I have recently finished a commission for a hair stylist to do her logo for her new salon. As pictured above. That's about all hope you all have a great New Year.

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Now playing: Flogging Molly - Laura
via FoxyTunes

Including my pride

2008-12-18T22:07:00.000-06:00

So today I had the most amazing idea. Surely this would work here we had trampled down snow and with the warning of freezing rain tonight I figured that trampled down snow would turn into evil ice. So I grabbed a trash can emptied it out. Filled it up with hot water and dumped it down our steps. Sure enough it got rid of all the snow and ice. Quite proud of myself i went about getting rid of the slush using a snow shovel. a few hours later right before I was heading to work my roommate Nathan came home and I declared with lots of pride how successful my idea was and he simply told me it was wrong and the steps were super icy. Surely not I said and with ever bit of self confidence marched out the door and down 2 steps before the super slick steps lead me to a fall that left me with a really long bruise across my back, back pain and the best case of hurt pride I have had in some time. So to make up for that I told everyone about how I screwed up and made sure Nathan knew he was very right. Yet another lesson in humility. Haven't had one that painful sense the time I got my Van stuck after telling my disbelieve Girlfriend that there was no way it would get stuck. However, it's good to be humbled brings you back down, knocks you off that house. I delight even if sometimes pain filled the times I get knocked down and understand how I normal I am. With a name like Saint Pepsi I guess I fly a little to high sometimes. :D

pepsi

Love Child

2008-12-17T18:25:00.000-06:00

The image you see above is one I call Love child basically what would happen if Samus and Master Chief hooked up. So It finally snowed I know my GF hates the snow but I think it's so pretty. In any case she's been super busy with school and work and last night we had the pleasure of sitting down in front of a roaring fire and just reading. It was wonderful to just be there with her spending quality time with Cherry. Definately looking forward to Christmas with the family. Were keeping gift giving small this year so I will be nice to focus on family. I think it's great how well they have taken to Cherry. They really like her and why not shes just that cool.

pepsi

Fire A$$ and smoke

2008-12-16T03:42:00.000-06:00

I never ever in all my life thought I would have to experience what we in the food industry so often jest about. A phenomena called Fire A$$. It happens when you order really really spicy foods and because in haste you don't take the time to properly chew said food. Well it comes out your ... When that happens the same oils and or ingredients that made the food so delightfully spicy to begin with come back to haunt you with a vengeance. Today we had a left over Burro n Fugo. Literal translation it means donkey on fire lol... Basically it's our hottest entree. I took it home not wanting to spend the time I had to cook a new meal and figuring what the heck I don't mind spicy foods. Well this one was pretty spicy I know because I make them spicy and I made this one good, boy was it good too. Later that night around 3 in the morning this entire meal came back to haunt me and I understood quite literally why we mockingly call it Fire A$$. I walked around in haste while cursing for a while and drank more water. Pleading with my maker for the pain to subside. It did in due time but i admit i have learned my lesson. May you all heed my words in this matter do not order this meal unless your colon can handle the serious repercussions. ;)

In other thoughts I figured I would throw in my two bits about smoking seeing as our town has just banned it basically. Personally I don't care if they ban it in public places... while I think bars should be allowed but that's a different matter. Seriously have you ever been to a non-smoking bar. it smells like sweaty people and puke. That's besides the point though I was thinking to myself of the evils of smoking. Obviously it causes cancer, which leads to death if you smoke a lot. Were talking enough to really screw you up... The amount most people smoke at parties while drinking except all the time. It makes your breath smell bad, your teeth yellow, and in general makes you clothes smell too. But how often do you hear about the good it does. Smoke wards off bugs so it's a natural pest deterrent, It causes people to go outside and in a culture so centered around screens this is a little blessing in it's self. It creates social atmosphere where people actually converse at a level above rhetorical. It encourages generosity. I have never met a smoker who would not lend you a smoke so long as it was not their last one. The reasons I have just listed are the reasons people smoke not because it looks cool. It's because its one of the few times where people get to truly sit and throw aside all their differences and come together based on a single bad habit. It's bringing us together in ways that awkward social gatherings could rarely achieve. Just some thoughts on smoking I know many would disagree. But i don't smoke a whole lot either so maybe I smoke knowing full well that its adverse to my health like you know everything is so says science journals. I smoke or I don't smoke either way I enjoy the good it's cultivated in me.

pepsi

From the beginning

2008-12-05T01:12:00.001-06:00

I was never very interested in clubs or organizations. Some 6 years ago my roommate at the time convinced me to join JAA. It was OK, we did a lot when it came to the Japanese Festival but little else there aside. So when spring semester of 2005 came around and Seji pitched the idea of a dance side project I figured that could be fun anything to be out of the mindless committees to get things done. After joining those of us that had that first semester had a new respect for dancers and a belief that their was no plausible way to move your body that fast with that type of agility. That was just the first of many dances we would learn over the years I have been involved in the club totaling now around 15. Yosakoi gave me something I have never before experienced. Pride in both a club and a school. I had been involved in both clubs and sports in the past but never have I had such passion about anything as I did with Yosakoi. Through Yosakoi I was involved in Homecoming activities and the parade. If you ever knew me before Yosakoi I would have stayed away from these things like the plague. Now no matter what kind of things are yelled at us be it praise or jeers from people that think we're a weird dancing group I hold my head high and know I'm part of a family. It truly is a family too the wide variety of ages and ethnicities speaks levels to both the forward thinking of the club and its acceptance of all. With such acceptance we have all embraced and loved each other color blind if you will No longer are you too young, too old, Asian, white, black, you are simply part of the Yosakoi family. Yosakoi has taken me places I never anticipated at the beginning. Japan for one I always assumed I would travel, well Yosakoi got me there and how often do we just assume we will get around to something but never do. We have preformed on many large stages in front of thousands of people. Televised to a country and preformed in McCain. As a non K-state student I still revered the acts I saw at McCain the types of play, performers, and lectures they have brought and now I have been a part of that elite group. Yosakoi also truly involved me with the international students of K-state and not just Japanese I have a new outlook on all international students. I can't say that Yosakoi has ever been something to hold me or anyone back it has opened new doors for me and made me a much better person as I am sure it has with many others. If it wasn't for a weird leg pain this semester I would be dancing three times a week still. I hope everyone feels the same as I do that Yosakoi is truly a treasure here at K-state and even more than that on a national level a pride of the US.

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Now playing: AFI - 6 to 8
via FoxyTunes

I'm thankful for ...

2008-12-01T01:57:00.000-06:00

I hope you all had amazing Thanksgivings. I know mine was pretty great went ALL the way back home which for me is a 3 1/2 hr drive. This time I had the good company of my Girlfriend Cherry. making that 3 1/2 hrs most enjoyable. We even stopped at the world's largest ball of twine and I got to see it through new eyes as she enjoyed the sight seeing attraction. Getting in at around 3 in the morning I put her to bed and fell asleep myself. Waking up earlier than I usually would I helped the fam put together some food for our families Thanksgiving lunch. Once we were all ready we toured down to the Manor which is basically Un assisted living for seniors who still are fully functioning but would rather not take care of a whole house. We had the most family there that I have ever seen at one of these events. That was a treat and oddly enough Cherry got to meet family members I had trouble remembering lol. We all shared 3 things we were thankful for before we ate and that was just a blast of great memories. Grandma taking the time to tell us all about her travels recently.

Back to our house for a thanksgiving dinner which was just as good as the lunch. Then we just sat around because after turkey what can you do right. Watched some movies, played Dominos which me and Cherry Owned in and then played a new card game called Golf. The next day was all for me and Cherry we drove around my small home town and went thrift store shopping. She is a wonder to see when you go thrifting because she always finds the best stuff. Myself I got new pants for work and an awesome new chair. It's hard to get out of but definitely super comfy. Still getting used to not having 3 square meals a day again. but thats ok. I got to have some good talks with my father, his brother Lester and my mom's brother Roy. The next morning before we watched the sports better said i watched my mom watch the KU vs Mizzu game because lets face it that's way more fun... (video to come later). Cherry and I contributed to the final meal by making butter nut squash and spaghetti squash which I must add i like the taste of better than normal spaghetti. Then me and Cherry packed up our stuff and got ready to leave after many goodbyes and this time not hitting that monster mailbox as I backed out we made the long trip home and around midnight settled in for some much needed rest. My room is still kinda thrown about from all the travel left overs but what can you do. I'll tell you. Tell me how your thanksgivings went can't wait to hear. i love you all and to you all a good night. God Bless.

Also if you feel randomly compelled my Wish list is below. But I'd rather have commissions so I can get gifts for my family and friends.

*saintpepsi

*saintpepsi

And Now I'm 27

2008-11-13T00:43:00.000-06:00

A day I knew would come but never really thought about. Here I am 27 I have a fantastic Girlfriend something I haven't been able to say in oooooo like 4 yrs. She's always a reason to smile, sure we've had problems but she always makes me glad to start the day with a thought of her and end it with a dream of her. This year I didn't want anything big and aside from the 50 some people who wished me happy Birthday on Facebook it was pretty relaxed. On Monday night I had friends over and we played card games and Mario Kart. Pretty standard Monday actually. I got a tear jerker card from my mom whom as far as family is concerned my parents have always been a source of guiding light for me. Let it never be said that I was steered wrong by them. I will always look up to and love them and never underestimate the positive effect they have had in my life. Thank you both for always being supportive. So on my Birthday I worked. weird I know and I totally forgot what happens on Veterans Day. We got stomped. i got a free meal out of it though and a free fried ice cream. Work was actually pretty fun. Then I had about 3 hrs till I got to Indulge in a 5 course meal Cherry crafted for me. Started with a salad, then the most peculiar vegetable an Artichoke, On to the main course of baked salmon, and then Tempera which for us both was a first as far as cooking it. I think we succeeded. Lastly she made me Sweet Potato Pie it was more than I could have asked for and I won't lie when I say I was definitely full. I went back home and tried to answer all the messages I had been left on the net. Then went back to Cherries to stay over she was working on lots of homework and just wanted some company she feel asleep on the couch and I in her bed. The day i took off was Wed. So I slept in till 12, then went to an Eye appointment, met with a girl named Kat about a commission, hung out with Cherry for a bit and read her newest play. After that my dear friend Anjana took me out for Thai food i got the Sweet Green Curry. Then off to the plasma center and home for games with some friends. More Mario Kart, I'm an addict i know. Lastly, I went to Mel's Tavern and had a few drinks with Cherry while talking with our new friend Mike who thinks I puff up in jealousy when I see guys around Cherry lol. They had a band playing and I requested alot of songs that the band loved and was thanked for it. Now I'm back home sad that I have to work a double tomorrow. That's life though see you all soon.

If anyone wants to get me a gift btw here's a link to my amazon wish list.

7 month

2008-10-24T00:41:00.000-05:00

Seven months... wow does time fly I would never have thought I would be in a long term relationship again after chelsea. I nearly gave up on being in a short term relationship. lol However, my stars changed and it all seems to have lead me to a new understanding of the joys of life. Don't get me wrong it's been a bed of roses having the sweet smells and softness of the petals and yet every so often getting pricked by the thorns. Over all though I am in love. Such a silly word so small and usually over used. But after a few mistakes I made in using that word I made sure I wouldn't use it without knowing for sure. I know for sure. There are still many ups and downs I'm sure to come but as Cherry so loves I am patient and forgiving. She seems to think I never miss up. I think she's nuts cause I know I've screwed the pooch more than once. Eh whatever. I'm really looking forward to both Halloween and November. November being Thanksgiving where I really get to introduce Cherry to the whole family and because Nov is my Birthday. I'll be 27. O.o man I'm getting old. In other news I have been back to my usual antics of window painting and a huge thanks out to my Dad and Lester my Uncle for fixing my started that could have been financial crippling. I don't think I can say this enough but I LOVE! my family they are the glue that keeps me together and because of them I am always a better person.

Back on Youtube

2008-10-07T03:36:00.000-05:00

Well i'm back on youtube been waiting to do that for so long I can't even say but I'm super excited here are the newest three I did.

http://www.youtube.com/user/saintpepsi

christmas stories

Thanksgiving stories

Then the bonfire moments

To long

2008-10-03T17:21:00.000-05:00

Wow! It's been way to long sense I wrote a blog so here we go on an attempted update of whats going on in my life for those of you that care. Lately i have been laughing at all the craziness following all the presidential debates and just that huge mess. Really, the underlining thing you have to remember is who ever you vote for the people controlling the government will still be there pulling the stings you just have to hope you get a president that can actually stand against them every so often. Well politics aside because anymore it seems like so much over used noise.

What matters right now is the pursuit of happiness. This is all we have in the world. I like to think I have found that happiness. I have a beautiful, free thinking and intelligent girlfriend that my family has grown quite fond of. I live basically paycheck to pay check and I'm not in any horrible debt aside from school loans which I'm working on. I truly enjoy life I draw and create in my spar time, hang out with my friends, love my GF and interact with my family. This is what happiness is to me. Where spending a little extra and hurting financially for a special event really makes it something you had to work for or sacrifice to do making that moment all the more special.

Cherry and I had out 6 month and it was wonderful I unfortunately had to work that morning but I came back with a dozen roses, and a few bits of jewelry for her and she was surprised for sure and later she took me out to eat at CoCo Bolos the meal was so good. Really it was just a wonderful day all round I can't emphasize how much I have come to love this girl.

A few days later my brother Stephen came up for a live showing of Sweeney Todd at McCain. This was surprising for all of us because I thought i had gotten balcony seating it was certainly the cheapest seating you could get. So we got there and looked all over the upstairs for our seats and they were no where to be found So I assumed they would be further up in the nosebleed section and asked an usher where to go. She explained that when they take out the orchestra seating then that area is turned into seats for audience and thus our seats were 1 row from the front. We got to watch the whole play which was masterfully done and might I add the actors who all seemed to play multiple instruments was just stunning. Naturally afterward we all thanked the luck of the gods for allowing us such privileged seats on accident.

I just got back from KC Japanese festival as well you can read what I wrote here http://www.k-state.edu/yosakoi/

So yeah lately I've been focusing on doing more art when I can and reading more. I have so many good books to start and or finish. So till next time see you all later.

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Now playing: Stephen King - Dark Tower 5 disk 13
via FoxyTunes

k

2008-09-16T23:41:00.000-05:00

Trans-dimensional Corporal Agent

2008-09-02T21:51:00.000-05:00

Trans-dimensional Corporal Agent: Saint

It was a normal mission nothing out of the ordinary for what we do. However, it was always interesting starting of in a new plain of existence. This one seemed to be stuck in a time loop which wasn't altogether bad. My past life was in a way erased from my head more easily defined as being set aside for the moment. In-accessible unless I needed it. This plain and many parts of it were stuck in a time loop one that I could transverse from loop to loop in. The first one I found myself in was densely populated by mixed foliage but to me it all looked my common house ferns just a bit bigger. Like someone had taken the Transform tool in Photoshop and enlarged them so they looked like dense and wild foliage. This certain loop was inhabited by a girl of stunning beauty a queen in her own right she had dark skin but not so dark as to have indistinguishable features from shadows. She had crazed hair that was as un-tamable as the surrounding house ferns turned jungle. She was curvy and not playboy bunny airbrushed curvy but real curves she was a real woman. And I loved her for it. In that loop we lived out our days blissful in the ignorance of the repeating events all around us we just loved the company of the other. Our passion no secret to the wilds around us. The swims in the hot springs naked for we cared not whom could see us for the loop was ours alone. Once while exploring the spacey yet ultimately confining space that was our loop I found myself standing up in a gymnasium of screaming fans.

I was not what they were screaming for I was nothing more than an on-looker. But I happened upon a familiar face. Names were not present in my consciousness but we understood we knew each other from somewhere. She rushed over to me. Pretty, but not to the point of being noticeable she had her own charm, Asian if I had to pick a people group to associate her with. Long black hair with a swatch of purple on one side. She had a look of urgency on her face mixed with equal portions of fear and crazy. To be most specific a caged animal. I understood in the back of my mind she was unable to leave her loop. She ushered me to the side so the patrons would not hear our palaver. She told me of how she had been stuck here trying to thwart the evil plans of the general sense of doom that hung over her. She knew not what it was but was sure that in it's foreboding nature it was after her. I told her I would take care of it, I told her I would make it better.

That's when I stepped into the next loop it was filled with scientists of some sort obviously lab technicians by the long white coats but I did not know what they researched. My house fern foliage was quickly noticed as we had no reason to properly cover myself when living with my wild passionate queen. I wondered why each loop didn't deliver me with new clothes. Also I realized how the last agent had so quickly made me in the crowd. DEAR GOD! I was wearing ferns at a sports event. Oh well, as if the knowledge was downloaded into my head I knew the danger my co-agent had felt and why it loomed so near at hand. These men were obviously trying to launch a screwdriver through to our dimension to trigger a nuclear device to explode with cataclysmic repercussions. Though I knew not why they tried to use a screwdriver. Still the danger seemed most real. With my appearance they worked in fervor to complete this disastrous deed.

As quickly as I had come I was yanked back to the gym and the girl. She screamed at me, "These LIGHTS have never turned off... my retinas feel like their about to explode." That's when it happened the sound of an object exceeding a natural speed was painfully obvious to both of us. We looked up and out of her loop and past the stadium lights we saw through the transparent gym ceiling a screw driver sailing towards it's intended target. That's when three men caught us both up and drew us back through a trans-dimensional gate. I felt failure for not being able to complete my mission and a loss at losing the new love of my life. May she live happily forever in her house fern Paradise. The screwdriver struck and our reality was rent asunder.

I awoke quite suddenly while driving to an airport. I turned abruptly trying to regain control of a vehicle I had presumably had control of before. Was this another jump? Was I back to my true plain of existence? I knew not. I drove on taking a left at the stop light and noticed but did not register a truck that swerved to take up pursuit. I came over a hill and saw the Great Arch. I must be in St. Louis. There it was that impossible bridge the bane of every St. Louis trip I have ever taken standing high before me. I had my foot out the car window there was not time to take it in. The traffic was moving insanely fast. I started to bump the side as I took the near vertical decent. Fearing for my life still trying to pull my foot in the car and driving as speeds not becoming of a decent or the narrowness of the road I found myself gratefully at the end behind a line of stacked up traffic.

I got out and noticed sick people being carted by men in hordes I got out and offered my assistance and was handed a sick midget I passed him on to the next person like a bucket of water in a 1930's fire extinguishing attempts. Next, I was handed an elderly man and passed him with ease like he was as light as a bag of potato chips. Not the kind you get from the supermarket but the kind you get from a Deli that feel full but are actually just all air. I asked the others lending a hand what had happened and they said there was a fire scare at the hospital and I promptly replied, " Thank GOD they have a hospital under that bat shit crazy tall bridge! They must have so many accidents." They just looked at me and shrugged, " I guess so." I broke line and went into the hospital where they had a 15 story tall lobby and each floor on either side of a man made water fall had living art exhibits. The one I focused on was an orange room with Johnny Depp. I knew not whom was above or below him but I knew I had seen them in movies. I made my way up to confront him about the possible fire threat. Just when I had made it there and was trying to convey my worries the glass behind me was blown out and two what I assumed were bounty hunters or assassins were there looking to coral me. I would not go easy. In a classic John Woo technique I leaped through the window only realizing shortly after that I had no idea how I would survive a 12 story fall. All that passed though as I landed in a booth at a Tex-Mex restaurant with a menu in front of me.

Perplexed as I was at at the sudden turn of events I was still hungry and proceeded to order. When I happened to look over the top of my menu and see the same dimensional agents who had pulled me through the rift not but a table of giggling girls between us. "That's it I screamed." Immediately silencing and drawing the attention of the giggling girls. "Stop following me!" They conveyed loud enough for me to hear that they were the ones who saved me. I... still a little mad that they were interrupting my dinner said, 'Call off your goons." They looked surprised that I knew. "We can't have hit men coming in here after me they will disturb both of our meals." At this the giggling girls quickly got up and took off. The manager, unhappy at leaving clients came up and asked if we knew each other. "Apparently yes," we replied. So he asked if we would all like to be sat together so as not to inconvenience any more of his patrons. We looked at each other tilted are heads as if to consider the possibility and then agreed, "yes." I asked the men why I was in St Louis and they said this is where I asked to be left. Obviously because my brother Aaron lives here. Of course it was all starting to fit together the pieces of this jumbled puzzle were falling into place.

That's when I woke up with an urgent need to use the restroom. It was such a real dream the terror I felt when coming over that bridge the urgency I had to call my brother Aaron for help even though he does not live in St. Louis. All so real and yet just a dream from a quick nap I took after work. I called my brother anyway.

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Now playing: Afro Celt Sound System - Urban Aire
via FoxyTunes

5 by 5 and family

2008-08-28T03:48:00.000-05:00

"5 by 5" a quote by Faith from Buffy to signify everything being alright. So it would seem me and Cherry have been together now for 5 months. To mark this event I got off work as early as I could and took this precious flame of mine to Topeka to get Red Lobster knowing her love for sea food. The trip was a blast loads of laughing and loud singing. The food was wonderful I could barely finish, we had wine and great service from a wonderful waitress. While I didn't get her roses which I have been doing figured I would changer things up nothing is romantic about being predictable. We got back and both being super tired from the large meal and trip took a bit of a nap ;) Then off to my friend Keegan's B-day party which felt odd. Something was just off about the ella house so we didn't stay too long. Plus we had to get up for yet another road trip.

We were up pretty early so we could make a lunch date with my family in Salina. Which turned out to be quite an even as my uncle Lester showed up... my fathers brother whom looks like a carbon copy except his mustache is all curly and long. His sister Carolin and his mom, my grandma Doris. My twin brothers and one of their GF's showed up with the usual antics lol. And my brother Aaron and his wife came for lunch. We had a very excitable waitress at the Hut and she was worthy of a great tip just for being sociable Then we went to a park and me and Cherry swung on the swings... They really should come up with a different word for what you do on swings. Anyway we said our goodbyes to Aaron and Priss and went on to a play called "The Quilters" Which i must admit was 100X better than I could have assumed it to be. I laughed, I felt comfortable and at home, I felt awkward and I cried. It was everything you could want in a play. Cherry said she enjoyed it allot as well. It really got me interested in quilting I think I may start soon. My Gran and Carolin are both master quilters. After that we went to Dairy Queen where I got to have a wonderful conversation with my Grandma a moment I will cherish for the rest of my life. I am also super excited at how fast my family has just adopted Cherry into the fold. They love her and how could you not.

In other news I started training to be a manager at Carlos O Kellys. Figured I pretty much do all that kind of stuff already minus the paperwork. Might as well get paid for it. I won't even ask for a raise I just want what people are getting paid to start their plus the raises I have gotten so far. Seems fair to me. That would raise my wage by 2 dollars but at least I would feel like I'm actually getting paid to supervise there.

Lastly images in this instalment of the blog are from top to bottom... Final Fantasy 7, A Character from a friends creation, and Electra.
Hope you love them :D

Once again i Love you Cherry :D

When one belief could change everything

2008-08-05T15:34:00.000-05:00

So me and cherry found ourselves at a bit of an impasse last night. While I have been raised to believe in marriage and see how it works in a positive light Cherry has never really fantasized about it like most girls would. Oddly enough this has become a matter that has stopped us both in our tracks for the "what if" scenario in the future. So she is very resolute in her standing as was I. After it was all said and down we both agreed that we would tap a step back and obviously if the talks in the relationship were already on marriage things were progressing much to fast especially for only 4 months. No matter how either of us felt about marriage. So in stepping back we also get to consider things more carefully. For one there was no way I was going to let our relationship for which I have had few complaints and seems to be going to well be derailed by something that could foreseeable happen later in the future. Sure we maybe able to save ourselves some grief but truly I love this girl and trust her. I love being with her, talking with her being with her. If I have to re-evaluate somethings in my life to make it work why not. Which after we made amends and I dropped her off after a very interesting encounter at the bars with a couple of archaeologists. I called my brother Stephan who was asleep of course lol. The poor boy rose and helped me with my situation or at least gave me some perspective. I tried my best to remember why I felt like marriage was the only way to go. I hate arguing points when I don't know why I believe them. I refused to share Christ with people until I knew why I believed in him and I found myself wondering why do I believe in marriage. It's just one of those things I have always accepted. Never even questioned it. I think I have many things to look into now to even understand if I believe in marriage at all. Considering how many marriages end badly may hap it would be very important to consider this in its entirety. Especially considering how close I came to being engaged to Chelsea and her turning out to have been cheating on me the whole time. I would certainly believe differently about marriage had it fallen apart so soon with her. But the main thing I realized later that night and until I realized it my stomach wouldn't stop feeling upset. In the whole of our conversation I kept asking if SHE would ever be open to the possibility of change. While saying I would the tonality in my voice disagreed with the words coming out. Really it was all about her changing to be with me. To her it would be a huge sacrifice... So when I realized what I was REALLY asking her I had to really ask myself that same thing. Calling my brother he explained that he was dealing with quite the opposite a girl that really wanted to get married while he was not ready yet. Not that I'm really ready to get married no where close. I would admit. And I don't want to add that sort of thing to the list of her worries especially with school starting. So here I am searching to find what I truly believe and if it's important enough to keep me from the one I love. Truly, I don't believe a single days actions should dictate the reality of our relationship... In the future we will see how our relationship progresses because if it only blossoms into a more amazing friendship then there is no way I'll let something like that stop the path of us. She's worth so much more than a ceremony.

4 months and the return of Ryan

2008-07-27T23:11:00.001-05:00

So It's been 4 months sense Cherry and I started dating. This last month brought about our first fight in some ways and other interesting turns of events all of which I think only drew us closer. Our trust is growing in each other and more often than not I feel more of a real connection and less and less of the superficial puppy dog love that most relationships start with. As both our relationship and our friendship deepen I just thank God every new day for her presence in my life.

I'm finally off the meds for the poison ivy and its looking alot better just some residual scars from the more severely scratched areas. All in all clearing up very well all thanks to my mom and my Sherry at the plasma center and absolutely no thanks from the doctors at lafene. Whom I will never listen to again so help me god.

Ashley went and decided to dog sit this week. While the dog is both cute and cuddly shes in no way responsible enough to take care of it. Like two days after getting it she left for Arizona and well I was in another state at the time as well. When we got home I gave extra love to it.

I've designed several tatts this week for my friends one being the tree to the right for a Nigerian princess named nikki. The other being a tree frog which is further down. Both came out really well I thought.

So bigger still my best friend Ryan came back from Japan for a week. Wow we went all crazy ryan and jordan style again even spontaneously bought tuxedos. I was super excited to get to hang out with him on my day off fri. Only to find out he was going to be in Omaha all day on a river boat. O.o Well Cherry and them convinced me to go with them and I gotta say a river boat ride is super relaxing even if there are bands playing on each tier. The last night we played Edward 40 hands which is were you duck tape 40's to your hands and can't take them off until you finish the bottle. We both made it through our drinks and I'm pretty sure I was far gone at that moment then i drank some more definately puttting me over the edge lol. Woke up this morning and helped our friend Seji move out of his apt. Got some cool stuff for doing that too I'll have to re organize my room but I'm ok with that i think i'm going to get rid of the couch sense I never use it and replace it with my drawing table. Well thats all for now. I love you Ms. Ray and I miss you Mizells. :D

When things go up and down

2008-07-14T23:51:00.000-05:00

No this isn't about sex... O.o It is about how things have been a crazy roller coaster today. Woke up after a night of tossing and turning. I have been having really lucid dreams lately to the point that I know in the dream that I'm dreaming and yet interacting as the characters in the dreams... Usually very unsettling, what can you do? Waking up after that I went by AJ's to see Cherry before work seeing her started the day off right... happily I went to Carlos. Found out i was working till 5 kind of a downer but not really sense I was scheduled till 5. Not a huge shock but usually I get out at 4. Cherry came round at 1:30 I rushed Danea so I could go have my break with Cherry. She was in a down sort because she's been super tired lately from lack of sleep and on top of that only made a few bucks in tips and was accused of theft or something equally insulting. All total crap because this guy can't run a business worth a sh**. Went back to work we were pretty much dead the rest of the day. My swollen foot was killing me by the end of it. I bared it though it's what I do and I was convinced it would go away someday right. Got home went in to give plasma sense I couldn't give last week thanks to the poison Ivy and my stupidity for wearing shorts in lol. The nurse on duty who was not a retard like the Doctor I went to see said my foot shouldn't be that swollen or my legs as red as they were. So I went off from there called my mom told her what the nurse said and she called in a favor with a doctor she knows thank the Gods sense all the hospitals were closed. I went on my way to get new work boots assuming the poison ivy oil was in my work shoes which was why my feet kept getting infected. On my way up the on ramp my car bugged out. Went completely dead. "Sigh" So I called AAA this time they came through although it took a while apparently they were overloaded. 1 hr later and a few new levels on Final fantasy tactics the Mike's Wrecker showed up. Towed me to Goodyear. Then I walked over to Dillion's where my prescription of steroids and antibiotics was waiting for me. Totally only had to pay 4 bucks... Great news there. Meant I could by new work boots, which I did when my roommate Ashley came to pick me up. Found 20 dollar shoes which is good cause this car thing is gonna cost me I can only imagine. Got home took my meds and played more tactics. Then Keegan and Kevin showed up and I had a very productive art night finished a commission and drew two new sketches which I will be coloring soon. Had good talks... smoked too much lol Now I'm writing this, missing Cherry and wondering why the party of people that was spoced to show up to send of Emily didn't show up. Oh well I'll work on some more art. Very up and down day. We'll see if these meds kick this damn infection s ass. In other news me and Keegan finally finished out first collaboration.. which is below. See you all later. Love you Cherry.

Explosive Situations

2008-07-10T03:18:00.000-05:00

Ah the 4th of July. It has often amused me that by celebrating our countries independence we blow up pieces of it. This 4th was no different. But most importantly it was a family time. The Mizell clan was gathered in Manhattan as I had hoped. We were one short both days however, I still got to see them all and spend time with them all. We went out to eat, got to set off fireworks to the tune of crazy although my mother thought our firework times were a little haphazard I felt we were just as cautious as usual myself especially as I kinda stayed to the back and only watched the fun and made video of it lol. This was also the first Holiday my GF got to spend with the family. I felt she was truly accepted although Im pretty sure my parents think my roomate ashlea is crazy lol.
It was still great to see Cherry interacting with all my brothers and just playing around this holiday.
I was still under the influence of a horrible skin irritant know as poison ivy I think I'm in the later stages of it's potency but I'm going in for a follow up at the med clinic tomorrow to be sure. We will see I may have to get a shot or some steroid pills. Either way i'm ready for this whole awful affair to be over with. Cherry shown through the dark with brilliance as she has been very good to me in this time of trial. My previous relationship can to a standstill due to a similar reaction to poison ivy. Although she hates the way it looks and I don't blame her. I have loved her even more for sticking by me and loving me through it all.

Tonight she got to meet a dear old friend of mine named Mary. She's been away in France for a semester i knew Cherry would get along really well with her and it was just so great to get to hug her again. You really realize how much someone means to you when they leave.

As you can see i have been doing alot more art lately really trying to push myself to get more of it done so keep an eye out for all the great samples to come. i guess that all for now. Love you cherry. I love you family. You will both always be in my prayers.

I told you so

2008-07-01T02:54:00.000-05:00

There are times when I am just as dumb as every other pigheaded man. Times I think that I definitely know best... Times when my gut feeling could not be wrong. Well I all to well found that my gut and my head were both in the wrong and on the worst day of all for it to happen. Cherry and I had our Three month marker last monday the 23 of June. It was wonderful when she awoke she found her favorite chocolate right next to her head along with three roses. We delighted in each others company and picked up our friend Ariana along the way to help us go Bra shopping as it so happened Cherry had never done that. Then we wen off to the Candy store got some sweets and after that some food. Well we had planned to go out to this spot we like near a lake. Last time we were there I had seen a tiny car drive all the way down to the lake and figured I could do the same in my van. Assuring Cherry when she protested that I knew what I was doing and that we would be fine I went ahead and took off down this treacherous and deeply groved road. Not halfway there and while it was insanely bumpy and scary and I really had wished I had listened to her we come to a downed tree. well I am ready to admit I'm wrong now and decide to turn it around and get out. To which I make an even bigger ass of myself by putting the front end into the muddy side road... my car is front wheel drive. Stuck dead in what I later found out to be tick and I think poison Ivy filled weeds and mud. Having fully embarrassed myself I seek solace in my ever so understanding and very wonderful GF who did not even say I told you so. She saw in my eyes that I understood how right she was. I called Triple A and they called a wrecker service... so I was able to take comfort in the fact that someone was coming to help. So we went on to walk to Cherry's spot. Getting there to find it completely covered in water. Gone. the spot was gone. So they called her mom to come get them and me and her sister Jasmine walked up the hill to great the wrecker service. Whom called on the way up the hill to tell me they were not coming. O.o I was terrified yet kept my cool. I called my friend Dan whom I was so glad to get ahold of and he said he would be on his way to my rescue. Ah Dan... good to have friends you can rely on. Well Cherry's mom picked up the girls and took them on home none to happy about having to make the trek out there to save them from the dumb BF. While I stayed and watched the sun set and started walking towards where i would sooner meet up with Dan whom got lost and luckily I was able to get him proper instructions right before my phone died and my sandal broke... It was good times lol. But Dan has a huge truck and he was very excited to use it. He drove right down that awful road and towed my car out and even yanked the tree out of the road way in the process snapping his tow rope but non the less very much so impressing me with his power truck. Luckily my car was only covered with mud so driving home was not a problem. Met up with Cherry whom I called using Dan's phone seeing as right before my phone died I took it upon myself to memorize her number. And she did the most amazing thing ever she forgave me for repeating the same dumb thing as her Ex and took me in her arms and let me know that our special day was not ruined that it was all right and that she was still overjoyed to be with me. To me this single action made the past evil events just melt away. I was loved and I was so in love with her for setting aside my faults and loving me so. This is just one of the reasons to love her and daily I am reminded of more. Thank you so much Cherry for trusting in me even when I have failed you. In doing so you have gained my Trust ten fold. I do miss you tonight though... but a time apart only makes the heart grow stronger. I can't wait to see you again tomorrow.

3 Months

2008-06-22T18:40:00.001-05:00

Well tonight at midnight marks Cherry and I's 3 months together. I had the picture to the left drawn up for this occasion. My friend Mike being the coolest guy in the world colored it even though I didn't pay for that and got it finished the day before our 3 month. In this relationship I have tried to be myself through it all. The last relationship I was in I tried being what I thought that girl wanted me to be. Not this time. I think there are sides to Cherry I have yet to see but all in good time. Still times flown by we've lived through some crazy drama, equally crazy natural disasters, and the start of new jobs. We are different in many ways but I think that's what makes us work so well together. She's introducing me to foods I haven't ever really considered while I'm introducing her to media she's not experienced before. We both give and take and I think thats the foundation of a great relationship. I'm getting over my trust issues from the last girl. I think she's really starting to trust me more as well. We both have the thumbs up from each others friends and family. It's crazy I really can't wait for the months ahead oh what and adventure that will be. For me who lives to experience life I have found a rain forest of possibilities for new and wonderful experiences with Cherry. See you all next time much love to you Cherry.

pepsi

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Now playing: Dropkick Murphys - I'm Shipping Up To Boston

Ups and Downs

2008-06-14T01:23:00.000-05:00

When a tornado comes crashing DOWN in your block what do you do? When you come close to death and destruction at the hands of an uncontrollable force I guess you tend to take life into a bit of perspective. We had a tornado literally jump our house and miss it by what could have been 10 feet I'm betting by the sound. The warnings sounded and we here in Manhattan don't ussually take those seriously because for a tornado to actually hit us it has to take a certain path sense we live in a valley. Well it took that path. It destroyed the rich neighborhood with the 500,00 thousand dollar houses. Came down from there and took out a lumber yard... not a good thing, then a car dealership... 10 cars were uncountable for the next morning two were found on our college campus half a town away. Then ripped up a storage unit took out some trailer park. Ramped upa valley came out at the bottom of our block just barely missing a house and sent a piece of someones house straight through my roommates car. Oddly enough his car was the only one hit on our block. Funny thing about tornado's they can be very random. Landed just past my GF's parents house before jumping to campus tearing up some building there which included the nuclear facility and the wind erosion center... har har. Then it went off somewhere else for a while and lost it's steam. Crazy huh. The worst of it it was and also the the most relieving was I had my GF with me. It was the worse because it really shook her up and she cried and I hate to see her cry. But being there for her and not having to worry about her being in danger was so relieveing. I held her till it all went away and even then some. It was scary I was terrified the sound it made when it was near us was deafening. Like a scream from a demon mixed with a roar of a train and the whole house shook like crazy. Later we had severe jitters and this other girl that was with us drove me crazy to the point of me screaming at her. Luckily Cherry cooled me off with her tender touch. Still I hated her seeing me like that. You have no idea how annoying that girl can be though seriously almost taped her mouth shut. Oh well luckily those I knew were not hurt and everything came out fine. I truly felt watched over by God. I also found out one of my MCC teacher live on my road sense everyone came out to scoop the damage after the attack. I even got a leather jacket out of it landed near our house lol. I am so glad I had cherry there she thinks I was the strong one but I would have been in tears of worry had she been else where I love her and that would have just torn me apart to even think I might have lost her. We had her closest friends with us too so she knew they were safe.

In UP news. I have started a second job. Not because I NEED it but because I need something new. Something that isn't Carlos to stimulate my mind. It's a New York style Pizzeria. I got to toss dough in the air all cool like. We had the pre opening day today where we passed out free pizza and it was packed and wonderful. Cherry's working there to. She think's I took the job to be with her lol. While its an added perk it's mostly because it's a chance to do something new. I've been working at Carlos for far to long and while the pay is good it's almost like I blank out those parts of my day because they are so routine. Today in an open kitchen I was able to interact with customers and see the happy faces of people enjoying the food I was cooking. I also got to help artistically by creating a block poster using art from Deviant Art which I got permission to use. Although I turned it black and white. http://patxinaki.deviantart.com/art/In-the-city-82343341 Over all it was a great day.

I am looking forward to fathers day. I need to remember to tell my dad how awesome he is.
I was raised by wonderfully accepting and loving parents. My dad influenced my life as far as becoming an artist and for that I am forever grateful even though he says I'm better than he is. He's back into art and loving it he's always so excited to show me pictures he has drawn and I keep telling him to get a DA account to show the world his art. I just want to say I love you dad and I am so happy you are drawing again. I couldn't have asked for a better father. Thanks for always encouraging me to use my imagination even if it came up with fabled stories of you chopping up my fingers with a shovel lol. You and mom are the reason I became who I am and I am proud of who I am and I know you are Proud of me. I don't know what I would do if you weren't there for me. I can't wait to see you again I hope it's this coming fourth of July. If not I'm coming to see you. I love you both but because it's fathers day Dad I specifically want to shout out to you that you are so awesome. Thanks for teaching me about farming, for long trips in the pickup listening to Paul Harvey and Monogram Money. For your mashed potatoes, for long talks about controversial issues even though we differ on opinion, for your weird cuss words that you make up when you are angry, for you love and devotion in making me a good responsible Son. You are my father and I am so proud to be your son I always want you to know how much I respect you.

Pepsi.

Officer Bryant... Super COP!

2008-06-10T01:19:00.000-05:00

What a lively weekend we had. I must admit me and Cherry have had some crazy adventures. More Scrabble, yahtze, monopoly, a bit of go fish and We got to play apples to apples with some friends. But the biggest thrill well I'm not going to Lie the biggest thrill was scrabble lol.

But coming in second was a bit of a tussle we were involved in. We went out to Annie Mae's for some socializing. Ran into our friends Aimee, Jeremy, and Amanda. We were walking out of the bar to see these two guys getting arrested and one of them talked the cops into letting them go when the other obviously dumb and a pack of nails. Started cussing out the cops... well we walked on past intent on watching movies and drinking some at Cherry's When Jeremy Aimee's wife remembered they had rum in the trunk so we went to their car to get said rum. Only to witness a SUV backing out way to close and subsequently flooring it. Scraping the whole side of my friends car. He ran up and was all "Hey THATS MY CAR!" which by all means was his right... Cherry and I went back to get the Cop we had just seen at Maes. He came quickly neglecting the stupid drunk guys whom were still cussing him out. As soon as the car saw the cop coming it speed off. That wasn't before Jeremy grabbed their insurance papers. Well sense they knowingly evaded a cop and were pulled over shortly after officer Bryant SUPER COP! chased after them on foot. We found out that that same car not only scraped the side of their car but had backed into it some 5 time hard enough to move the car 3 feet from where it was originally parked. While standing there another car hopped a median and the cop was off running again. When he got back he was shaking his head saying "Man it's been some F+++ing night, so many dumb people." Then these four guys who were obviously drunk beyond reason hopped into their car and the cops like "If you start that car i'm arresting all of you." So here's to Officer Bryant SUPER COP! you are our hero and should keep doing what you do and by god you deserve a raise.

So this weekend me and Cherry both kinda got titled Jobs for a new Pizza place in Manhattan. She's the Events Coordinator and I am the Ad consultant and I guess prep guy. Which means super early mornings but more money :d Hell if he pays well I'll go work for him by god I need a change. Still trying to get an art job for a local t-shirt making place... This is kind of an art job though so cool none the less.

Recently I took a picture that was really old on DA and updated it will more recent art that I think better suits its subject matter. It deals with the painful subject of rape. and I think it's something that should be more openly talked about and made public. So This is me doing my part. i hope it speaks to you all too.

Well thats all for now. Yall come back now.

Pepsi

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Now playing: Regina Spektor - That Time
via FoxyTunes

10 Mile Rite of Passage

2008-06-04T17:27:00.000-05:00

This weekend started off with possibly one of the biggest pub crawls I have ever been on. Then again I generally avoid pub crawls. But this was for our good friend Jimbo as you can see I drew up both Cherry and I's shirts. Sara Gilmore the other girl here drew her own... props to her. I was defiantly high from marker fumes. lol. The next day he had his Birthday party which was oddly low key but still fun.

I may be getting a second job as a door man from Annie Mae's Pub in Aggieville. Which would be cool you just stand there plus you get tip out and a dollar off drinks. Good deal i say. I'm still looking for a new job this one at Carlos is way to much work for way to little pay. My roommate Ashley was made Assistant Manager in a gas station and makes 12 an hr and shes been working there a week. I make 10 something an hr and i've been working at Carlos for like 7 yrs... yeah definately time for a change.

This last Sunday Cherry and I played a crazy game of scrabble too. I never used to play scrabble but she's got me learning words I never knew before. Great times for sure. I gotta say I have no complaints about our relationship it seems to work so well... sure we annoy each other now and then but we really sync. I even got her to play video games with me on Monday and it was a blast we totally rocked out Dr. Mario. Had to work a double on Tuesday; once again sad about the amount of effort I put in with little to no gain. Went to bed early because Cherry and I had a plan. We were going to rise at the butt crack of dawn and take on Nature. Well it ended up being more around the small of the back of dawn but we pulled ourselves outa bed and started to walk to Pillsberry Crossing. From Cherry's house we found out it's about 10 miles and apparently 4 hrs. First we walked in the crisp morning air to Dillion's to get supplies for our trek. Then over a bridge and out on the paved highway. We came to an intersection and turned on a less up kept paved road but still not bad and tackled one mother of a hill. Down a ways after that slope we hit the dirt road. Now about 10 yrs ago I believe they started adding rough gravel so as to keep dirt roads safer during storms. Well all those big rocks do wonders for your feet. Finally, after the ten mile hike we were there. It was glorious... we sat down and took off our shoes and inspected our road assaulted feet. Then waded through the quick running river bed to a large tree trunk that had been washed ashore during a recent storm. Smoked a cig and relaxed. The pained feet, the overly red sun burn, the aching muscles. It was all worth it just to dip your feet in that cool water and relax and enjoy the beauty of it. Not wanting to walk like grannies back to town we called for a ride and went and ate some ice cream. Where I got a call reminding me I had a commission due in basically an hr... which is the one you see above I had barely started on it and made fast work to finish it. Getting it done just in time... All is well today now I relax and delight in my right of passage the trek across all types of roads for 10 miles. I think I'm going to nap now.

pepsi

Who we are, whom we've become

2008-05-27T02:31:00.000-05:00

I was raised to believe in being a good person... Some people say that there are so many things that affect whom we are as people. Things that cultivate us to become whom we are. The way we act the way; the way we react to situations. I would like to take the moment to say that I have not been subject to anything overly traumatic in my life aside from normal life situations. Deaths of friends and family, rejection and betrayal, stress and loneliness. Through it all I think I kept my head and I want to truly thank my Parents for bringing me up to see the cup half full... To see the good in situations no matter how glum. To morn when you need to and not to feel ashamed for it. They were reason enough to credit for whom I've become. I won't say those life lessons learned at a personal cost to me did not play a part. But I just wanted to thank the people that I think truly helped me develop. My family is insanely important to me. I know most of you go through periods where you may find parents to be a burden... too overbearing, or whatever your grief with them. But if they are good parents whom care and are not abusive then thank what ever god you serve for your undeniable luck at having someone whom loves you unconditionally and will stand by you and tell you the truth even when you are making an ass of yourself. I look for similar qualities in my friends and equally so in my Girlfriend. She truly knew some serious bad times. Things I could never fathom nor even empathize with. But still she remains a stable and wonderfully caring individual. While things may not have always been perfect in her family from what I know of her and her mother I see alot of her mothers caring and strength in her. She's got another mother in a very real if not biological sense and after meeting her as well I see where she gathers more of herself. I would love to thank both family's for the roles they played in making her so mysteriously caring and nonjudgmental. Something I know I struggle with. I tend to judge all too often on first appearance or even stereo type based on looks. I often end up kicking myself for such aversions to common sense. Not Cherry, while she may still trust her gut if she's seriously creeped I find myself always admiring her patience and understanding with some I might find to be questionable in my own mind. She looks past all that to the heart and dare I say sees the good. Some people look up to world leaders, booming business minds, super intellectuals but the truth is I will always follow happiness... just enjoying life and to truly do that you need to let preconceived notions fall away like dust in the wind. I admire Cherry for being so good at seeing us for who we are. I hope to see the soul behind the face, to delight in the reality of the individual like she does... Just another reason to trust and love her. Without this whimsical ability she has I doubt she would have been quick to accept my hand. I will never underestimate the value of her heart's eye.
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Now playing: Regina Spektor - Buildings
via FoxyTunes

Something wonderful to wake up to

2008-05-26T10:10:00.000-05:00

Recently, I had my two month anniversary with Cherry even though an anniversary means a year. That aside it's been two months and thinking back on how fast and spontaneously we fell together I regret absolutely nothing. This has been a dream played forth in reality. I've found out that she was rarely treated to any romantic notions as she has told me many of my actions and things I felt would be common place in a relationship are all new to her. Getting to see her eyes light up about the little things is absolutely delightful. Really when it comes right down to it... the little things are what we will always remember best. I know our relationship is still in its infancy but I really do love her. We went out to the beach a while back for something she had dubbed Mock Summer. We got to roast marshmallows and make smoores and go swimming in water so cold it felt like the northern Atlantic... but the chill of the water only drew us closer. It's telling stories and listening to them; reliving moments in her life and mine through new eyes. Just this morning for this Blog's namesake after a late night of watching Boston Legal and my roommate falling asleep in my bed forcing me to crash out on the couch in the living room. I was woken up to the gentle touch of the girl I love; which was both surprising and comforting. Surprising, because she doesn't have a car and she was spoced to be at work. Equally comforting because surprise aside I fell even more in love in that moment. These are the moments we will remember for a lifetime and I look forward creating so many more... I'm so glad I'm in love and have someone to love. Today will be a good day weather aside... a very good day.

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Now playing: Copeland - When Paula Sparks
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