Monday, December 26, 2011

In closing



Well it's been another year gone by... looking back I can safely say it's been both a good and a bad year. I have chased and lost. I have worked and achieved. As far as advancing my life I have done that to perfection. I have pushed myself both in my regular job and in my art. I have made new connections that will hopefully garner new and exciting developments. I have made new friends and lost some to the pendulum of time. I have both failed to stop smoking and lost the weight I so desparetly wanted to drop.

Artistically, I am working for Misti Dawn (side note my art starts all of her homebrewed porns :))for the site The Naughty Nerd. Soon you'll be able to buy my prints in their shop there. I have continued to write for TNTML, picked up a new writing gig for The Hype, worked on my poetry, and even attempted stand up comedy which I have been told is actually pretty good. Still won't know till i get in front of a real audience.

Another one of my brothers got married this year. Beautiful service. Illustrated just how badly I am doing at finding my own love in this world. Doing my best to find it I just think I'm a little much for any girl. Facebook is probably a killer for any blossoming relationship as I tend to have way to many crazy photo's there and my gallery of gorgious girls hanging off me most likely makes people assume I'm some kind of poon hound. This could not be further from the truth. In the last year I had sex with 1 girl. The year before that... 1 girl. In fact I am averaging 1 girl a year and that's gotta be some kind of sad record. It's not that my intention with any new relationship is to get laid but it seems to be how guys base how well you do in any way. I just can't invest myself sexually with someone unless i connect on a mental level and while i have found girls that i do connect with finding ones that aren't damaged and distant that still match that qualification are few and far between. Maybe i have way to high of standards, maybe I just think things through to much and when it comes to passion can't act in the moment. I'm sure I've had far more chances to hook up than i want to admit to. Just can't seem to do the casual sex thing.

Love will be something to work on in the new year. So here we go... New Years resolutions. Lose another 50 lbs. This one will be a lot harder after the initial major weight loss but I'm going to be joining a weight loss competition. That should help ;). Get back into a habit of going to the gym every night. Knock out way more art and push myself to be even better. Lastly, Stop smoking. Yeah this was one last year and I achieved it twice and then failed twice. So I think i can nail this one this year. Just gotta remember not to snack so much when i do it. Also I'll need to remember to take breaks to just go outside and stand and think. That's the most addicting thing about smoking I've found the quite moments of contemplation I get for myself. So there you go folks here's to the New Year i do hope this one was good for you all.

Monday, December 12, 2011

It's the most wonderful time of the year



So things in my life are fantastic in all but love. Had easily one of the most epic Birthday parties ever. Where we all dressed up like Demons and Angels. I was half and half. I looked scary as all hell. Couldn't move around a whole lot for the first few hours of the party. Not till after I took off my 50lb wings. Side note that same outfit got used at a strip club later for an event they were having, Which I was the only guy who dressed up. Le sigh. Topeka just doesn't take themes as serious as Manhattan does I guess.

Swing forward a bit I got to spend quite a bit of time with my family this Thanksgiving which rocked. I tell you what my family is core in my life. I love them and they are amazing. My brothers and I played Munchkin and some other games. All together amazing Thanksgiving I wish i got to see all of them more. We are very lucky two of my brothers wives live in the same area as my parents.

Swing forward to This last weekend starting with my dear friend Kate. After coming off a late night drinking fest with my friend Mr Kim. I took off for Club Orleans again to celebrate my friend Kate's B-day party. She works there so we had a ball that night. Mostly at the club I kept her BF entertained and drew like I always do at strip clubs. It was Christmas themed that night so many of the girls were dressed up as santa's hot ass helpers. Afterwards we all went out for IHOP. Damn near got kicked out. What can you expect from exotic dancers and people like me lol. Got back home at 5 in the morning where I maybe got 2 hours of sleep before heading into work which turned out to be quite hellish. Graduation day in Manhattan, KS. Running on two hours of sleep and just off a 9 hr shift already 20 hours into over time I stay awake and move into pirate gear because the Jolly Rogers, KC Renn Fest talent are playing my bar for Sully's birthday. Easily, one of the best shows I've ever seen there. Can't decide which I like better, them or White Ghost Shivers. Dear readers look these two up and love their music. In any case I got supper drunk and so did Sully. I apparently, got her husband because i got worried about her and they got her home safely. So tonight I took it easy even though all the drinks were only a dollar. Still so much good food at Mae's. This girl Tori OMG makes the best food ever.

So that's that life is epic. Love however not so much I feel like I never pick girls that will be an easy task. I will say this for all the girls I go after and turn me down. Telling me I'm the most amazing guy and that I'll make some girl just not them a perfect match is absolutely fucking crazy. Don't tell a guy he's awesome but you don't want him. Because if he is awesome you would want him. It's not a nice thing to say when you break up or deny someone. Just say sorry we don't mesh or you and I aren't going to work. Compliments are awful it's a double edged sword. Much like telling someone something like, "you look great to bad you smell awful." See that and what I talked about above. Same damn thing. So knock it off. Maybe this new girl will work maybe not. I'm not holding my breath any more and I'm sure as shit not chasing anyone like I did Laura. That's for damn sure. My heart all the way in part is dead. You want all of my heart you are going to need to give me a reason to shock it back into life. Oh well it's late I got a big week coming up so I'll see you cats later.